Tag: Richarlison

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Spurs match reports

Forest 3-0 Spurs: Three Tottenham Talking Points

1. The Hangover

I took the liberty of indulging in a rare evening out in the metropolis yesterday, sinking a few in one or two of London’s watering holes, and shaking a leg on the occasional dance-floor, so it was a well-oiled AANP whose head hit the pillow in the wee small hours. As such, Sunday lunchtime did not catch me in my rarest form. The head throbbed, the breathing was deep and the exhalations were quite likely flammable. A gentle, restful afternoon beckoned.

This, however, was all acceptable enough, because I was not due to run out onto a football pitch and play, a princely sum having been thrust into my back-pocket for the privilege, with the expectation of being somewhere near my physical peak for the following 90 minutes. Put another way, I could be excused for moping about the place, the very embodiment of lethargy. For our heroes out on the pitch, no such excuse existed.

And yet. I’m not sure that in the entire match our lot strung together three consecutive passes of any meaning. Apart from Archie Gray’s instinctive turn-and-volley in the first half, I’m not sure we managed a shot on target either. AANP has never really been one for xG, the details of that particular data-point seeming to me often to obscure the actual game as it unfurls before the eyes; but its broad principle I do understand, and for our lot yet again to have failed to hit 0.5 xG in the entire match tells a gloomy tale (and not whilst playing any of Europe’s elite, mind, but a Forest side casting a nervous glance over the shoulder at the relegation spots, dash it).

To a man, our troupe looked thoroughly undercooked, from first whistle to last. As mentioned, the inability to string together more than a couple of accurate passes was bewildering, and every time someone or other did have the bright idea of swooping in to win possession, this minor triumph was fairly instantly sullied by an errant pass following it immediately.

The complete absence of quality throughout was loosely mirrored by a fairly minimal level of energy, all of which left me wondering by the end if the gang in yellow on display this afternoon had also been lurking in those drinking-spots and dance-floors, into the wee small hours last night.

2. Vicario

I prattled on a couple of weeks ago, in the wake of Vicario’s grade A blunder against Fulham, that the chap really needed to keep his head down and his nose clean for the foreseeable, and generally avoid drawing any attention to himself.

It was a sentiment that drifted to mind as I buried the head in the hands circa minute 50, at which time the ball gently rolled around inside the netting, Vicario having immersed himself in quite the pickle when dealing with a misdirected cross.

I didn’t hang around for the post-match niceties – the AANP hangover was bad enough after sitting through that 90-minute performance – so I couldn’t quote back to you the key points made by Master Hudson-Odoi when quizzed, as he presumably would have been, about whether that was intended as a cross or a shot. It seems a pretty safe bet, however, that when the moment arrived, shortly after he had twisted Bentancur’s blood to a level bordering on the inhumane, that on looking up from the left corner of the area, his strategy was to deliver a cross and rely on better-placed chums to do the rest.

Not being a goalkeeper, I’m not really qualified to opine in any real depth as to what specifically Vicario ought to have done, but in a broader sense, several decades of watching and occasionally playing the game has taught me that goalkeepers ought not let crosses drift past them and into the net.

So, wiser minds than mine would presumably be able to lay out the specifics of where Vicario ought to have planted his feet, and how his body-weight ought to have been distributed and so forth – but ultimately, surely, the drill would have been to have prevented ball from entering net. In this he spectacularly failed. While it was probably not the worst error a goalkeeper could ever make – frankly it was not the worst this specific goalkeeper has made in the last month – a goalkeeping error it nevertheless was, and the logbook of such misdeeds is now growing to troubling heft.

If he were in any other position in the pitch, I suspect Vicario would by now have been quietly demoted to the sidelines, with a view to clearing his head and returning a few weeks or months hence, fit and bronzed and ready to give that penalty area a jolly good marshalling.

However, he is not in any other position; he is in the unique position of goalkeeper, and Our Glorious Leader is therefore facing a rather delicate balancing act. The first reserve, young Kinsky, has shown himself to a goalkeeper possessed of various fine qualities, but also never too far away from an out-of-the-blue howler himself. While there is a legitimate question, of quite how bad Vicario has to be before he is dropped, the waters are slightly muddied by the fallibility of the first reserve. No point removing Vicario, I mean, if the chap who replaces him is just as creaky, what?

3. Thomas Frank

Talking of chaps whose performances are creaking like nobody’s business, at what point do we need to start talking about The Big Cheese?

As my Spurs-supporting chum Ian pointed out during the morbid, post-match back-and-forth, Forest are on their third manager of the season, yet the Dyche chap, approximately 5 minutes into the gig, seems to have slapped together a unit with some degree of identity – by which I mean that they have a shape, a playing style, and personnel each of whom seem to know their jobs.

Compare and contrast to our own Glorious L., and identity – as defined above – is rather awkwardly lacking. “A work in progress”, one might generously offer, and if still in generous mood one might also point to the notable absentees amongst the cast list – Messrs Solanke, Kulusevski and Maddison still all apparently chugging paracetamol.

However, to this I emit a rather cheesed off sort of tut, and point out that absent though that lot might be, the next cabs on the rank are hardly unproven youths from the academy, but multi-million pound A-listers such as Kolo Muani, Simons and Kudus (AANP has a moral objection to the classification of Richarlison as an A-lister, so I’ll stick with those three for now). Even making the presumption that Frank is prioritising the defence first, he ought still to be able to get some sort of tune out of that front three.

Irritatingly, our lot seem to have regressed since that Super Cup performance against PSG. The whole thing would drive me potty if watching it had not already sapped every ounce of enthusiasm from my being

 All three goals conceded were today had about them a touch of the unlikely (although I noted a compilation of long-range goals conceded by our lot this season ran to around a dozen, so something in the apparatus clearly isn’t quite working), but what sucked my will to live this afternoon was not so much the goals conceded as the complete absence of creativity or strategy in the other direction.

As ever, the gist seemed to be nothing more nuanced that Go Wide And Hope. Moreover, this GWAH gambit seemed explicitly to exclude use of the left wing, where Kolo Muani is rather mystifyingly square-pegged, leaving all our eggs in the Mohammed Kudus-shaped basket. (I slosh over the details of course – Djed Spence, for example, seemed task with much of the heavy lifting out on the left – but the vague point remains that we were oddly short of ideas beyond going wide and keeping fingers crossed.)

Four months into the season both results and performances are dreadful, and the occasional stroll against a European minnow is doing little to paper what is not so much a crack as a great yawning chasm. Frank needs to buck up his ideas and pronto.

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Spurs match reports

Spurs 1-2 Fulham: Three Tottenham Talking Points

1. Frank’s Insistence on Crosses, Crosses and Nothing But Crosses

One can well imagine the creased brow with which Herre Frank glugged down his morning brew at the breakfast table today, because the shipping of disastrous goals, and ceding of points to a team that, for all their merits, peddle utter bilge each away day without fail, doth not a happy camper make. Speaking as one man about the world to another, I do of course, incline the head sympathetically towards the chap. No-one really likes to see one’s fellow man take a bit of a kicking, especially when that fellow m. is an egg as laden with sound moral fibre as Thomas Frank.

This, however, is not a business for sympathy and consoling cuddles. It is, simply, a business for scoring more goals than the other lot – preferably doing so while swanning around the place playing the sort of breezy football that makes onlookers go weak at the knees and purr with admiration. And Thomas Frank does none of the above.

The drill is, presumably, to sort out the defence first of all, and peddle some pretty basic attacking fare up the other end, to help keep results ticking over. Now the word “presumably” is doing some generous grunt-work in that sentence, because our defence in its current state is anything but “sorted out”. And should any smooth-talker try to convince me otherwise, I would wave at them the 11 goals we’ve conceded within the last week alone. No matter the standard of the opposition, 11 goals in a week is laying it on a bit thick.

So after three months at the big desk, Frank has hardly worked wonders at the back. One might wave a forgiving hand. Ours, after all, is a defence that has creaked away for several decades.

Where AANP cracks his knuckles and shoots the inscrutable glare, however, is in the attacking third. Specifically, it’s Frank’s seeming insistence that the road to goals is paved with crosses from the wing and crosses from the wing only.

The chap seems to labour under the misapprehension that to build niftily through the centre is to commit some foul abuse against humanity. Of zingy one-touch football in the middle lanes there is no sign.

For clarity, I have no significant allergy to crosses from the wing. When delivered well they tend to be mightily effective, That Beckham character may have long ago disappeared under the detritus of celebrity, but once upon a time his crossing from the flank was an instrument of considerable impact. Indeed, as and when Senor Porro gets round to reading this, I don’t doubt that he’ll start gesticulating wildly and scream forcefully in my direction about how effective his deliveries can be.

However, by and large, crosses can be defended, if the unit tasked with so-doing know their defensive onions. One only needed to keep an eye on proceedings yesterday to note how the whole attacking strategy can be rendered null and void if the defenders arrange themselves at the appropriate coordinates. Our lot seemed to lob a decent number of crosses towards the area in each half, almost all of which seemed promptly to be repelled. To say that the plan had limited efficacy would be to undersell the thing.

The alternative, of a spot of midfield guile, seems to be well down the agenda. A stat before the midweek CL game suggested that our heroes had racked up a grand total of 4 through-balls all season, and I don’t know about you, but that one boggled the dickens out of my innocent little mind. I make that about one through-ball every 4 matches, which speaks volumes for the level of creativity spouting forth from the lilywhite midfield. That Simons has been banished to the bench in recent weeks says much.

As mentioned above, I can only assume that Frank considers defence the current priority, during which period of stabilization he will instruct the forwards to adopt the simplest route to goal, by going wide and crossing. AANP does not like the whiff.

2. Vicario

Mind you, Frank might have had the best plans in the world, but there’s no real legislating for a moment as knuckle-headed as Vicario’s little wander-and-kamikaze routine. Golly. As howlers go, it was a pearler. Credit to the Fulham chappie I suppose, because he was hardly presented with a tap-in; but nevertheless, the headline of that particular episode was the dreadful mess single-handedly crafted by our resident gatekeeper.

The reaction to Vicario thereafter – and I refer to the ongoing booing that followed the young bean throughout the game like a nasty spectre, rather than the immediate release of astonished vitriol in the 20 or so seconds after the goal – was not really cricket. Flag that he’s made an error, by all means. Bestow a dozen or so curses upon his lineage, of course. But thereafter, once the deed has been done and the head hung in shame, upon the restart of the game there is no real reason to keep giving him the bird throughout. Not really sure what purpose that served.

Back to the error itself, however, and as a lad who’s not exactly garnered universal acclaim during his lilywhite career, for one reason or another, you’d have thought that he’d have had the good sense to minimise the risk of increased opprobrium, particularly the sort brought upon oneself at a time of minimal preceding risk.

And minimal preceding risk was abundant in N17 when Vicario first wandered from his post to inspect the left touchline and take possession. Pedants might point out that a Fulham nib made a perfunctory toddle in his direction, but I’m not sure any jury would accept that the match had entered a high-stakes moment at that juncture. Any onlooker of sound mind would have advised the basic two-step: “Clear the ball, return to the goal”.

Whatever the hell then crossed Vicario’s mind next is a little tricky to fathom, but the takeaway, particularly amongst those who have viewed him with a suspicious eye, was that he tries to be far too clever, rather than sticking to the goalkeeping basics.

There was not a great deal he could have done about the first, nor indeed about any of the five that flew past him midweek – but drop a clanger of yesterday’s ilk, and precious few in attendance will shout from the rooftops about how innocent he was during the preceding half-dozen conceded.

No doubt Frank will stick with him, and we are hardly overflowing with obvious alternatives; nor am I particularly calling for his expulsion from the unit. I do advise the chap, however, to keep his head down and keep things as inconspicuous as possible in the coming weeks. There is a time to draw attention to oneself, and a time to melt quietly into the background; and the age in which we live is very much the latter.

3. Kolo Muani

Finishing off on a brighter note, as goodness knows we need one, it’s at least encouraging to see young Kolo Muani start to deliver on the sunny optimism that greeted his arrival, at least at AANP Towers.

It was a different era, of course, all joviality and positivity, but when he and Simons scrawled their initials on the dotted line, a couple of little jigs were danced around these parts.

Naturally, this being N17, there then followed the standard spate of injuries, but in midweek at PSG, and then yesterday, I thought that he at least started to look the sort of fellow who, quite frankly, seems too good for our lot. Obvious though it may seem, I was particularly enamoured of the volleyed goal in Paris, and while in yesterday’s second half there was a general uptick in performance across the suite, Monsieur K-M also struck me as the standout performer in the first half.

The bar is pretty low, admittedly. Richarlison gives the impression of a fairly moderate player near the peak of limited powers; Kudus has evidently something about him; but Kolo Muani, by virtue of his technique and ability to do naturally what most others would probably consider pretty exceptional, strikes me as quite the diamond in the rough.

It would, of course, make more sense to wax lyrical about the chap after a match in which he actually saves the day, or embellishes the day, or in general just peddles his wares on a slightly more positive day for our lot – but given the doom, gloom and general exasperation brought on by results of the last week or so, a dollop of silver linings does no harm, what?

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Spurs match reports

Spurs 3-0 Burnley: Three Tottenham Talking Points

1. The Exuberance of Youth

Young people, eh? A pretty unfathomable species at the best of times, the evidence of Saturday also did much to confirm that they are blessed with absolutely boundless energy.

Being a pessimistic sort when it comes to all matters lilywhite, I’d have pursed a brooding lip or two if our newest Glorious Leader had run by me pre-match his plan to stock our line-up to the gills with youthful sorts. A midfield of Sarr, Gray and Bergvall struck me as a little too green behind the ears.

Not for the first time already in his nascent reign however, Herre Frank proved himself a dashed sight more knowledgeable about these things than AANP, for the Sarr-Gray-Bergvall arrangement proved most effective, and chief amongst its attributes was a pretty eye-watering indefatigability amongst the protagonists.

One could probably sum up their contributions by noting that if the final whistle had not sounded around 5pm on Saturday they’d probably still be scampering about the pitch now.

Sarr had spent much of pre-season getting to know the sights and sounds of the upper end of the pitch, having been slightly curiously deployed as a Number 10; but on Saturday it was the more familiar environs of the middle third, and a general instruction to hover busily on the lookout for any loose balls carelessly deposited about the place.

He proved something of a master of the art. There was a long-ish period before half-time when our overall play stagnated somewhat, as we tried and failed repeatedly to pass from the back over halfway, but that aside, and when we were a little mor front-footed, Sarr was exactly the right man for the role of tidying up behind his more illustrious colleagues.

As an added bonus, he also delivered a doozy of a pass for our third.  AANP does love a perfectly-weighted pass inside a full-back, and Sarr’s offering on Saturday was one I’ll happily replay in the mind’s eye in the coming weeks.

As for Gray, it would be no dramatic stretch to suggest that this was his finest afternoon in central midfield in our colours. Now the caveat here is sizeable, for there is barely any competition in the field. Gray’s previous excursions in central midfield, at least in our colours, have been fairly calamitous, the sort of rot from which rabbits in headlights could learn a few things.

On Saturday, however, he seemed vastly more at ease. He offered positional discipline, if you don’t mind a spot of technical jargon, holding his positionally centrally and at the base of midfield and popping up to offer a spot of disagreement whenever Burnley looked to push forward, as well as providing an option for whichever of our lot were in possession. The second coming of Dave Mackay he might not quite have been, but he played his part.

And further forward, seemingly with a bit of licence to go haring off in whichever direction he happened to be facing, was Bergvall. The curious young egg seemed to have adopted that mindset that if the ball was in play he might as well tear off after it, followed by the sub-heading that if he then happened to get hold of the thing he would simply continue scuttling about, bringing the ball with him.

Within 20 seconds of kick-off he had popped up in the 6-yard box to force a save from the Burnley goalkeeper, and one imagines that the Burnley mob in general would have been sick of the sight of him by the time the credits rolled.

For my part, having soaked in an hour and a half of the midfield three racing around like small children on a diet of fizzy drinks and sweets, I rather fancied a quiet sit-down in a darkened room, with just a bourbon for company. Simply watching the young people was tiring enough for me. Marvellous work though.

An honourable mention too for young Spence. At 25 he is a few years the senior of the midfield three, but I’ll bung him into the same bracket, primarily on the grounds that he too was a bundle of energy throughout.

Technically, I suppose as this was a 4-2-3-1 sort of setup, one might have labelled Spence as an orthodox right-back, but he seemed to treat any such suggestion with a care-free shrug, and simply cracked right on with that business of scooting off into the opposition penalty area whenever the situation demanded, looking every inch a wing-back.

2. Richarlison

I’m not quite sure at what point isolated statistical occurrences become a trend, but it’s now two pretty dashing Richarlison performances in a row, and the regulars are starting to whisper excitedly.

After peddling some rousing fare in midweek against the other champions of Europe, Richarlison’s newest trick on Saturday was to dispense with any attempts to control the ball, and instead simply leather the thing first time. It was a stroke of genius. Seasoned Richarlison-watchers will be well aware that while hardly lacking willing, he can occasionally be stymied in his performances when it comes to some of the operational basics – such as being able to control the football.

However, at the weekend, he hit upon the idea of skipping from step 1 to step 3, as it were, and dispensing with the troublesome middle part. When Kudus crossed invitingly, any suggestions of trapping the precious cargo were dismissed from Richarlison’s mind. Instead, in a sequence that seemed to sit with him far more comfortably, he took to contorting his limbs at all manner of acrobatic angles, and thumping the ball into whichever corner of the net took his fancy.

It was a trick I remember him unveiling with similar aplomb at the last World Cup, since which occasion I have pretty regularly chuntered along the lines that he never produces such fare in lilywhite.

Well that particular wait is over. That second goal was a humdinger, attracting admiring noises from the gathered masses each time it was replayed on the stadium screens.

Frankly, after a pair of goals of that quality, Richarlison could have spent the rest of the afternoon quietly leaning against a nearby pillar watching everyone else work up a sweat, and he’d still have been feted from all corners. As it happened, he trotted out another pretty impressive all-round display, doing all the necessary running and shielding and buffeting one would hope for from a fine, upstanding centre-forward.

All of which does make one return to the original question with a pensive stroke of the chin – are these two isolated statistical occurrences, or have we stumbled upon a better, stronger, faster version of Richarlison?

3. Kudus

However, for all the merry chatter about the bright young things, and the reborn striker at the apex, it was Kudus once again who came across as the headline act.

The fellow’s sheer strength continues to make one goggle a bit, and will take some getting used to. Indeed, my Spurs-supporting chum Ian let pass from his lips the name Mousa Dembele when remarking upon Kudus’ brawn, and one takes the point, for the former was similarly possessed of a robust frame off which opponents simply bounced.

As well as which, young Master K. has all the party tricks to attract the wide-eyed admirers, coming replete with stepovers, feints, close control and whatnot. The moment in the second half when he controlled the ball with his left foot tucked behind his right standing leg certainly attracted the sorts of gasps and applause that would not have been out of place a magic show, but it was the neat shoulder-dip and burst from a standing start, to create Richarlison’s second, which earned him the decisive AANP stamp of approval. Trickery is all well and good for a social media post, but ultimately we’ll need Kudus to create and score goals. The chap seems fully to understand the remit.  

As an aside, the potential prospect of both Kudus and Eze in the same line-up would prompt a smacking of the lips, but AANP has learned to frame these transfer rumours with caution, ever since the days of Rivaldo. For now I’m simply grateful that Kudus is a fully paid-up member of the gang.

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Spurs match reports

PSG 2-2 Spurs: Six Tottenham Talking Points

1. Formation

Trophy-winners though we might these days be, AANP was still steeped to the gills in the old, familiar dread before kick-off, and I’m not sure the teamsheet did much to soothe the frayed nerves.

Our newest Glorious Leader had unveiled what appeared on first glance to be a goalkeeper and eight defensive sorts for this one, and while one tries of course to be reasonable about these things, I must confess to reacting with a widening of the eyes, a murmured “What the dickens..?” and a few wildly quizzical looks.

More fool AANP. Fast forward 90 or so minutes and the 3-5-2 turned out to be a tactical masterpiece. “Balance” was the word I heard bandied on the telly-box, and while those commentary sorts can spout all manner of gibberish when they’ve got a mic thrust in front of them, on this occasion the chappie in question had stumbled upon the mot juste.

With a back-three in situ, one never really felt that our lot were outnumbered and straining every sinew to put out fires at the back. Gone was that sense of desperate last-ditch life-saving, and the frantic haphazard retreats that had become a bit of a hallmark in recent years.  

With this 3-5-2, we were, defensively a different beast. Which is to say that we were a beast with a few more bodies at the back. If, say, a Danso were turned and outpaced, a Romero could be relied upon to appear stage left and uproot a tree or two in clearing the danger. Should Doue or whomever start unfurling stepovers on the right, the reassuring sight of at least two in lilywhite would materialise to suffocate him.

PSG had it in them to one-touch our lot to death – and in such circumstances one accepts with a gracious shrug that that’s the way of things – but our lot were not be found wanting for numbers at the back, and this in itself was rather reassuring.

And in fact, much the same could be said of the midfield, where a triumvirate was deployed to similarly successful effect. Now Paulinha, ironically enough for a laddie who appears to AANP to be precisely what the doctor ordered, appears pretty desperately undercooked at present. Not his fault, he having barely laced a boot over the last 12 months by all accounts, and to repeat, I see him in time metamorphosing into an absolute pitbull in front of our defence.

Last night, however, the chap did appear to wheeze and puff his way through things somewhat. But lo, once again the use of a three-man construction came to our rescue, for that midfield also featured Messrs Sarr and Bentancur, both of whom came across as specimens at their absolute physical peak. (As an aside, it warmed the heart to observe Bentancur strutting about with fitness levels off the charts, following the near constant stream of batterings and bruises he’s collected over the past two years).

The presence of Sarr and Bentancur, essentially doing all the running so that Paulinha didn’t have to, meant that in midfield as in defence, we rarely looked outnumbered, and frequently showed sufficient appetite to snaffle possession from PSG and dance off over halfway.

Of course, any 3-5-2 lives and dies on the quality of its wing-backs, and here we really are blessed. One can only imagine the disbelieving glee with which Porro would have rubbed his eyes in the changing room beforehand when informed of his role. After two years of inverting and drifting infield, he didn’t need asking twice to bomb up the flank, and within about 30 seconds of kick-off could be spotted patrolling the corner of the PSG area with a glint in his eye.

Both he and Spence out on the other side gave fair indication of having not only received the memo, but taken to heart its contents, adopting the principles of top-notch wing-backery as their mantra for 90 minutes. The pair managed to tick boxes in both directions – and it was little surprise that when they (along with everyone else) ran out of steam in the final 20 or so, and they stopped advancing up the pitch, segueing from wing-backs to deep full-backs, our strategy rather fell apart at the seams.

So the 3-5-2 received a big fat tick at AANP Towers. I’m not sure that the same level of caution will be required for the next meeting with Tamworth – or even Burnley at home – but for a first innings of the season, against probably the best team in the world, and with a side shorn of its key attacking pipkins, 3-5-2 turned out to be just the ticket.

2. Richarlison

In rattling through the roll of honour of those who made the 3-5-2 work it is only right that I add to the Hall of Fame young Richarlison. For someone long established in the AANP rankings as the least technically gifted Brazilian to have kicked a ball, he delivered one heck of a tap-dance.

Drinking in this performance with some astonishment, I was reminded of a chappie I knew at the old almer mater, who one term returned after the summer hols with a new blonde haircut, a complete change in attire and announcing himself to the fairer sex as “Surfy”. In short, the curious fish had for some reason reinvented himself, and so it seemed with Richarlison last night.

Gone was the moody wretch possessed of two left feet and half-hearted chasing of lost causes, to be replaced sharpness of touch and a stirring line in winning possession on or around halfway.

One of the fellow’s first touches of the ball was a first-time effort from a good 20 yards out, by which this absolute interloper seemed to be saying “Forget what you thought you knew, for I am now Richarlison, doer of the impossible (or at least attempter of the improbable”).

With Kudus happy to buzz around alongside him, it all made for a most useful apex to the 3-5-2.

I suppose the question now is whether the transformation can last. That self-styled ‘Surfy’ chap from university binned the new image after a few weeks, so one treats these episodes with some caution; and moreover, if Solanke is fully fit – and the indications are he’s on course for it – then a pretty clear hierarchy emerges.

So call me a cynic, but given that last night’s shindig will have been watched by a near global audience with little better to do, I’m inclined to suggest that this is the optimum time to slap a hefty price-tag on R9 and shove him into the arms of the highest bidder.

3. Kudus

AANP is not one of that breed who spends his leisure hours studying footage of West Ham United, and as such I couldn’t have told you too much about Mohammed Kudus beyond his Fantasy League stats before he pitched up at N17. But by golly, if last night taught me anything it was that here was a fellow who knew how to make a first impression.

Specifically, that first impression seemed to consist of displaying the strength of about a dozen oxen. Of course, it is a prerequisite for the modern-day footballer to display a physique like one of those sculpted marble statues of the Greek gods, but even allowing for that I would not have cast the eye upon Kudus and immediately placed him as a 12-round heavyweight.

And yet, in glorious technicolour last night we were treated to the sight of a PSG sort clambering all over Kudus and pretty much bouncing off him, then to be joined by a second PSG sort, and sometimes even a third – but with their combined mights having minimal impact upon the chap.

Given his nomination for Strongest Man Alive one would have understood if, upon then emerging from the ruck with the ball at his feet, Kudus then displayed the touch of a malcoordinated donkey – but it turns out that on top of everything else he also skips about the place like a lissom cage footballer, turning his opposing full-backs inside out and painting pretty patterns with his feet.

I suppose if one were to be hyper-critical one might suggest that he could put in a few more hours in the back garden working on his weaker foot, but that’s one for another day. It’s unsurprising that in just about every pre-season game so far the primary tactic has been “Give It To Kudus” because in just about any circumstance he can not only shield the ball to afford everyone else a puff of the cheeks, but he’ll also then embark on one of those mazy ones and create a spot of mischief.

4. Sarr

With Kudus deployed yesterday in a role that was nominally supporting striker, but often morphed into right winger, young Sarr was accordingly re-jigged into a slightly more traditional midfield role. In case you missed the last few weeks, he has spent much of pre-season operating behind the front man, in the ‘Number 10’ role. Not one I’d have pencilled him in for, I must admit, but our new Head Honcho seems to think that his run-and-chase routine has value up the top of the pitch, so one sees the logic.

Anyway, back to last night, and Sarr’s remit had decidedly less glitz and glamour. “Mop up the loose ends”, was about the gist of it. And frankly, if he had reacted to this instruction with a darkening of the brow and a moody stare, one would have had a degree of sympathy. Chasing shadows against a team that has dished out a 5-0 tonking in the Champions League final of all games, is hardly the stuff of dreams.

Sarr, however, responded to the call like an absolute champion. If there were a loose ball to be seen just about anywhere inside our own half, he was onto it with the alacrity of one of those sizeable wild cats in the nature programmes leaping onto its prey.

It made sense, as he’s always been one of those beans so energetic that one feels rather exhausted just watching him, but his presence added a most welcome layer of security at the back as well as in midfield. Sarr regularly hurtled across the penalty area to stick out a well-timed limb if PSG threatened to find a yard of space, and by the time he was withdrawn I was pretty clear in my mind that there stood the game’s outstanding performer.

5. Spence

On the topic of outstanding performers, however, an honourable mention to young Spence. It remains most perplexing to me that this chap, ordained by nature as right-footed, should so regularly appear vastly more accomplished as a left-back than as right-back, but nature does occasionally throw up these quirks I suppose.

And last night, Spence rather hammered home the point that left wing-back is the life for him. Going forward he was a nuisance, providing an attacking outlet all the way into the PSG area, and as such doing a fair bit to nullify the threat of Hakimi.

Had this impressive front-foot display been to the detriment of his defending we might well have exchanged knowing looks and clicked the tongue a bit – but as it happened, he covered all of his defensive duties in watchful manner throughout.

It was rather a shame that the PSG equaliser emanated from a cross from his side, because for most of the game Spence had his defensive area under lock and key. Udogie will presumably consider himself the first choice in the role, but Spence comes across as a chap who clearly knows his onions.

6. Defeat

Having feared a hammering (particularly in the wake of the Bayern debacle) I was most pleasantly surprised at the general to-ing and fro-ing on offer last night. PSG were seemingly not at the peak of their powers, but our lot did not seem inclined to pause and debate this, and instead just got on with matters. A dashed good fist they made of things too.

However, while no points were lost, all manner of positives were snaffled and the consensus was that we deserved a little better, I reserved the right to head for the exits with a spot of chuntering on my lips.

The bone of contention was that our lot need to find ways to win shiny pots. We did it in Bilbao, and I was pretty miffed that we failed to do it last night. The whole attitude of puffing out the chest and saying we were jolly good sports is not enough. It grates. Our lot should not be content with making it to finals, and from 2-0 up after 85 minutes we ought to have seen the thing through. There was a trophy of sorts on offer, and a cracking opportunity to turn that sort of thing into a habit.

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Spurs match reports

Spurs 3-1 Bodo Glimt: Three Tottenham Talking Points

AANP’s latest book ‘All Action No Plot: Postecoglou’s First Season’, is out now for just £7.99 from Amazon (ebook from £6.99) – while Spurs’ Cult Heroes is also still available

1. Richarlison

Well I think the first order of business is to park myself at the desk and start penning a few heartfelt apologies. There are a several in our number I’ve not missed an opportunity to stick the knife into over the course of this and previous seasons, and they were all queueing up last night to ram various choice words straight back down my throat.

Richarlison is a good case in point. One might delicately say that AANP has not always been entirely enamoured of the honest fellow’s outputs. “Least technically gifted Brazilian ever” springs to mind as a phrase I once tossed in his direction, and although we can playfully punch each other’s shoulders and talk about jokes amongst the boys, there’s no getting away from the fact that that one was meant to sting.

Yesterday however, the honest fellow took to the pitch like a Brazilian intent on letting remarks about his technique wash over him like water. In fact it would not be a stretch to say that he set the tone for the whole humdinging display. 

I don’t mind admitting that when I saw the teamsheet I reacted to his name with a pretty stunned silence. Truth be told, I hadn’t even considered him as an option on the left. Tel or Odobert seemed the obvious choices, Mikey Moore at a stretch. And if The Brains Trust really wanted to embrace their experimental selves, it seemed likelier that Kulusevski, Johnson or Maddison would pop up on the west flank to fill the Sonny-shaped hole. Richarlison simply didn’t cross my mind. 

But selected he was, and if Ange wanted to fix me with one of those inscrutable stares and croak something about hindsight proving it a tactical masterstroke, I’d probably hold up my hands and grant him that.

Having digested the news of his selection, I did spend a goodish while mulling away as to what Richarlison’s remit would be. Would he try to emulate the Son of yesteryear, by breaking at pace from halfway; or channel his inner Odobert, Tel of Mikey Moore, by throwing in stepovers and trickery until the full-back had twisted blood?

As it turns out, Richarlison gave evidence that in his younger days he may have been a boy scout or something similar, because he went about his business with the motto “Just be yourself” clearly ringing in his ears. Rather than trying to throw in an impression of Sonny or Odobert, he set about the task by asking himself “What would Richarlison do?”, and being better placed than most to answer this, he rolled up his sleeves and immediately started providing real-time answers.

Within about ten seconds of kick-off, he flung in an aerial cross from the left, and a dashed effective one it was too. Rarely-sighted beasts these days, aerial crosses from the left. Porro on t’other side occasionally dabbles, but generally whomever is stationed on the left tends more often to be in the market for lower deliveries that fizz across the area for Brennan Johnson to tap in at the far post. I can barely remember us flinging in a left-footed, aerial cross from the left, and inviting those assembled to make of it what they will.

Richarlison, however, seemed of the opinion that there was no better way to start the day than to do precisely that, and a gratifying degree of bedlam it caused too. The forehead of Dominic Solanke has been criminally underused this season, but his eyes lit up at that cross, and with Johnson lurking at the far post as Johnson does, we were surprisingly well-stocked for takers. The cross may have been scrambled clear, but a vigorous nod of approval from AANP was in the mail.

Richarlison demonstrated a further commendable trait moments later, when the ball was recycled and Porro delivered one of his aforementioned aerial crosses from the right. This being aimed towards the back post, Richarlison was again in business – and again, it struck me that he was adding an element to our game that none of Son, Tel or Odobert can really provide, viz. the back-post header.

Son seems literally scared of the ball if it leaves the ground, and the either two are a bit too happy to excuse themselves from consideration on the grounds of height or build or some such. Richarlison though was pretty game. I think he fancies himself as a bit of a one when it comes the airborne muck. He might not have been able to direct it towards goal himself, but the option he chose was comfortably as effective, looping the thing over to the unmarked Johnson (who to his credit made his finish look very straightforward, when such things are easy to pickle).

This all occurred within the first 40 seconds or so, but for the remainder of the half Richarlison continued to run a pretty good race. He beavered in midfield, linked up play, delivered a good variety of short and slightly longer passes, and kept the opposing full-back on his toes. No huge surprise that he was hooked after 45, given his lack of match-practice and the general puffing and panting he put into that first half, but as remarked at the outset, something of an apology is due from this quarter. Quite the innings.

2. Bissouma

Another who wormed his way back into the AANP good books most unexpectedly was Bissouma. If one wanted to ignore all the positives and mope about the place professing gloom and disaster, one might moan that the fellow ought to play like that every bally game.

There would be a degree of validity to such a point, I suppose. He was brought into the fold precisely on the basis of performances like that in his former life at Brighton – all discipline and energy. But frankly one glosses over the fact that his two or three seasons in lilywhite have been more miss than hit, because last night, when it mattered more than usual, he delivered of his best.

Frankly, the goal aside, Bodo Glimt had nary a sniff, and while the collective takes credit, Bissouma’s repeated Seek-and-Destroy routines played a huge part. It was all the more impressive given the absence of Bergvall, news of which I must confess froze me in my tracks and prompted the skipping of a heartbeat or two that I’ll never get back.

But Bissouma filled the void like a trooper. One appreciates the farcical nature of praising a seasoned international for deputising for a newly-hatched teen who’s only been a few months in the Starting XI, but it was still a vital role to play, and Bissouma played it with a few plombs.

3. Solanke and the Concern Around His Absence

Words of commendation too for Destiny Udogie and James Maddison. In fact, one could take a deep breath and spew out words of commendation for the entire regiment, this being one of those performances in which all in lilywhite burst to the seams with their A-games. Even in this context, however, I thought that both Udogie and Maddison were particularly impressive.

Much of what was good about our play emanated from the size nines of Udogie, they being employed for the dual purposes of snuffling possession from the other lot, and then immediately redirecting operations to Attack Mode.

Maddison too was at the heart of a lot of our better moments. Having spent much of his evening in the role of string-puller-in-chief, it was rather impressive to see him pop up in goalscoring peep-holes too – and not for the first time on the big occasion.

The manner in which he took his goal was Dele-esque, boasting as it did exquisite control in the first place. I was particularly taken by the little hesitation he then inserted – pausing to travel another yard rather than shooting immediately, a manoeuvre that was pretty subtle to the naked eye but had the most satisfactory effect of dragging the goalkeeper from his moorings and depositing him on the floor, when really he wanted to be leaping full length. Marvellous stuff.

However, if absence makes the heart grow fonder, it struck me that Solanke’s might have been the really critical contribution. A slightly controversial take amongst the masses, I’m sure. If you were to goggle a bit, and re-read the sentence with a narrow eye, I can’t say I’d blame you.

In fact, while he was on the pitch, I thought Solanke was mucking in well, as they all were, but not necessarily any better than his nearby chums.

However, once he hobbled off stage left, I started to appreciate a bit more the wholesome content he brought to proceedings. Put simply, we rather lost our attacking edge once he went off. None of the reserve lieutenants seem able to lead the line – and, specifically, the press – quite like he does. Nor do they put in the off-the-ball graft in the less fashionable areas, or provide a beacon towards which to aim at the top end of the pitch; but it was the abandonment of the press after his removal that rather nagged over here.

As such, the medical bods ought to work every available hour to patch him up and glue him back together in time for next week. Listening back after the event, the chatter I heard after we’d conceded seemed rather over-the-top in truth. The telly sorts gave the impression that we’d taken a 5-0 drubbing and were so doomed in the second leg that it was barely worth our turning up; but while I fancy our European alter egos to do what’s necessary next week, the task will be infinitely harder minus Solanke.

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Spurs match reports

Liverpool 4-0 Spurs: Three Tottenham Talking Points

AANP’s new book ‘All Action No Plot: Postecoglou’s First Season’, is out now for just £7.99 from Amazon (ebook from £6.99)

1. Dreadful Stuff

AANP has been under the weather, don’t you know? The immune system having adopted a Conte-style approach, of just sitting back under attack from all sides and muddling through, I had hoped that last night might provide some external relief. As it happened, there was a degree of consensus amongst my coterie of Spurs-supporting chums that we would concede three or four; the question was whether we would have our attacking onions sufficiently in order to make a fist of it.

Now AANP is generally a pretty forgiving sort. When, at the start of this season, our lot shoved all chips into attack, at Leicester and Newcastle amongst others, and somehow still stewed the operation, I waved the forgiving hand. Keep playing like that, went the line, and we’ll more often than not win in style, or else go down in a blaze of glory.

So by the time last night swung into view, my hopes of actually winning the tie might have been subdued, but I did at least look forward to a spot of entertainment in seeing our heroes go out swinging.  

Fair to say then that the garbage peddled last night was therefore an almighty let-down. The general sense was of a rabble who didn’t appreciate having their evening stroll in the North interrupted by such business as a football match, and they dashed well weren’t about to get involved in the finer details – accurate passes, and the winning of 50-50 challenges and so forth. Not last night’s crew. Simply registering their presence seemed sufficient, and if the other lot were going to best them in literally every aspect of the game, that was just one of the little inconveniences of life that would have to be accepted.

There was barely a hint of attacking intent throughout. Now one might generously excuse this, on the grounds that Liverpool can rather swallow up their opposition when on song and make it difficult to burst into possession-based patterns. However, there is no such clause exempting the cast members from flying into tackles like their lives depend on it.

On reflection, rather than one single causal factor, there were probably several different elements at play.

1.1: Tactics

This one lies with Our Glorious Leader. From kick-off the plan seemed to be to adopt the approach that had served pretty well against Brentford – and is currently being adopted at the AANP sick-bed – of sticking to the spot and absorbing everything flung their way.

The fiercest loyalists may argue that this approach was not without its merits, doing the trick for a half hour or so; a pretty swift rebuttal would be that it resulted in a goal conceded before half-time, and another not long after.

And while piping up on the subject, there was a fairly significant difference between the Brentford and Liverpool games, in that Brentford spent most of their afternoon swinging in crosses for our lot to head clear without too many alarms; whereas Liverpool’s approach was somewhat more nuanced, and a dashed sight more taxing for our heroes to handle.

Either way, the official party-line seemed to be that defending deep and grimly hanging on was the route to success. It rather gave the impression that an Ange directive of exercising a little caution was rather wildly misinterpreted by the players, who instead opted to write off the Liverpool half of the pitch as forbidden territory.

When Kulusevski went on the charge up the right, and skulked around the place for a good 5 or 10 seconds, surrounded by about half a dozen red shirts but with nary a lilywhite in sight, the walls of AANP Towers reverberated to a deep and troubled sigh. High-octane entertainment this was not.

1.2: The Mentality

If the tactical setup could be pinned on the Big Cheese, the lackadaisical approach to settling on-field disputes was firmly on the players. Out of possession in particular, Liverpool seemed to appreciate that few things in life are gained by simply turning up at the appointed hour and holding out an expectant hand. In order to win a semi-final, they seemed to tell each other, a rolling up of sleeves would be required, as well as a stretching of sinew and clobbering of tackle.

By contrast, our heroes seemed to baulk at the notion of devoting every last ounce to the cause. Token efforts were the order of the day, and if an opposing rotter happened to barge them out of the way then they would deliver a look of irritation, and possibly an audible tut, but little more.

It’s an attitude that has been absolutely ingrained in our lot for as long as I’ve been watching, and frankly makes one despair.

1.3: Injuries

I saw it expressed somewhere or other last night, that every time Kulusevski set off on a run he looked like he was dragging a car behind him. One understood the sentiment. This chap was our pride and joy in the opening months of the season, an absolute menace to all who encountered him, due to a handy combo of bulk and pace.

Apparently he’s featured one way or another in every one of our league games this season, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that record extended to all other competitions too. Little wonder then that he now chugs about the place like a hollowed out shell of a man, barely able to accelerate beyond third gear.

For clarity, I zoom in on Kulusevski in purely indicative fashion. The whole bally lot of them are by now exhausted. One could rattle off the names of those who have played twice a week, every week, for the past couple of months; or similarly one could list the absentees – the gist remains the same. And I therefore wonder to what extent the above failings – of poorly-judged defensive setup, and absence of fight – could be attributed to a general lack of puff amongst those on display.

2. The Newbies

If, as seemed to be reported, Mathys Tel spent much of last week letting ‘I dare not’ wait upon ‘I would’ regarding his move to N17 – he being the thoughtful sort apparently, who takes pretty seriously these life choices – I can only imagine he spent the journey home from Anfield immersed in contemplation and quite possibly regret.

The good news for him is that one would hardly expect most of his assignments in lilywhite to resemble last night’s. Starved of service and repeatedly required to have a pop at outmuscling Van Dijk on halfway, the poor gumball would have been forgiven for wishing he had chosen any other option except lilywhite.

From memory, he fashioned for himself one half-chance from a fairly tight angle out on the right, which earned a corner, and creditably so to be honest. It was nice to see a little spunk, even as the walls came crashing down around him. That aside though, he spent his evening chasing shadows and waving at teammates. However, with Messrs Solanke and Richarlison having various bandages applied, one would expect more opportunities for Tel as the focal point of attack in the coming weeks.

As for Danso, this was probably 6 out of 10 territory. Having spent the last month or so beseeching the board to bring in anyone fit and able to assist in defence, I’m simply grateful that we have an actual centre-back in situ. He’s no Van Dijk, but seemed willing enough to do the basics, and perhaps most eye-catchingly seemed rather taken with the notion of bring the ball out of defence and casting a beady eye about the place further north.

I suppose time will tell whether he’s up to much, but a serviceable centre-back is better than nothing.

3. Richarlison

These days a Spurs match is not credibly recognised as such unless one of our number withdraws with some species of malady, so not an eyelid was batted when Richarlison limped off before the midway point.

Richarlison in particular is proving himself to be quite the expert when it comes to going to ground with a wince, before limping off with a forlorn rub of some lower limb. The pattern into which he has comfortably settled since arriving in the corridors of N17 seems to have been to punctuate an absence of around three months with two or three substitute appearances. At this point, he goes to ground once more with another wince and the whole pattern starts again.

Now on a human level, one sympathises. It must drive the poor chap potty. I’m sure that from his perspective all he wants to do is lace up his boots and charge around the pitch like a rabid beast of the wilds, ploughing into opposing defenders and scowling away, without the inconvenience of various body parts going ‘twang’ every five minutes.

However, from the point of view of the long-suffering supporter, I do find myself rolling the eyes and thinking about the most polite ways to phrase some fairly brutal sentiments. Put another way, I think it’s about time we cashed in on the chap. Shake his hand, thank him for his efforts and send him elsewhere, shoving into the back-pocket however much the most willing bidder will offer.

At the best of times we can’t really accommodate a lad who seems to be made of biscuits; and even more so at the current juncture, when all the regulars are injured and poor old Solanke is being flogged into the ground until he collapses.

Richarlison will presumably stick around until the summer, but with Tel now on board there’s a good excuse to elbow him aside at the earliest convenience.

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Spurs Books Uncategorized

New Spurs Book Out Now – “All Action No Plot: Postecoglou’s First Season”

“One could hardly suggest that when Son crept into view the coast was clear. The coast was crowded, and in fact fast becoming something of a claustrophobe’s nightmare. Bodies were advancing upon the poor lad like vultures getting right down to it for their daily spot of carcass.”

All Action No Plot: Postecoglou’s First Season is based loosely on the weekly chronicles of the Tottenham Hotspur blog All Action, No Plot, during 2023-24. That season will live long in the memory, as the beginning of an extraordinary, exhilarating new era under Ange Postecoglou – and no writer captured the madness as wittily as the AANP blogger, Michael Lacquiere. His combination of eloquent prose and ludicrous humour made for matchday reflections as compelling as the games themselves.

From the heady success of Postecoglou’s opening months in charge, which saw Spurs’ relentless attacking style take them to the top of the Premier League and dreaming of glory, to the turning-point of the season in an incredible nine-man defeat in November, through to a finale in which European qualification was secured while fans cheered on a home defeat, no team in the country was as entertaining as Tottenham. Relive Ange’s wild first season at Spurs with this match-by-match account from the pen of one of English football’s finest comic writers.

Out now for just £7.99, order your paperbook copy now from Amazon, in time for Christmas (ebook from £6.99).

All Action No Plot: Postecoglou’s First Season – the perfect stocking-filler for any Spurs fan.

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Spurs match reports Uncategorized

Spurs 1-1 Fulham: Three Tottenham Talking Points

Need a Christmas stocking-filler for the Spurs fan in your life? Keep your eyes peeled, because AANP’s new book “All Action No Plot: Postecoglou’s First Season” will soon be appearing on this site.

1. Dragusin

Radu Dragusin reminds me a little of Eric Dier. Now I suppose if you’re a particularly kindly soul, you may clasp your hands together in joy, a beaming smile across your map, and murmur, “Oh, how charming!” or something similar.

Unfortunately, if this were the case I’d have to step right in and cut you off mid-flow. The Dier-esque epithets I toss at Dragusin are hardly complimentary. Quite the opposite, in fact. This is not to suggest that Dragusin stank the place out from first bell to last. It’s more to suggest that so far in his lilywhite career he seems more brawn than brain, and specifically brawn of the slow-moving, slightly lumbering brand. Dier-esque, one might suggest.

And if you’re stroking the chin at that, I’d direct you towards yesterday’s offerings to ram home the point. In fact, I could direct you towards any one of Dragusin’s recent string of four or five games. Perhaps generously waving aside that Galatasaray game as an exceptionally off-night, his outputs have generally failed to inspire confidence. Admittedly he has, without fail, puffed out his chest, chewed his gum and certainly looked like one who considers himself master of all he surveys. But when it actually comes to the delivering as pledged, one does scrunch the face a little, and politely point out that he’s messing up some of the basics.

The early signs yesterday were promising enough, as his first major involvement was to shove out of possession some Fulham scamp who was trying to beat him for pace on the flank. In the appropriate context, Dragusin is clearly capable of applying some upper-body mass to lend force to an argument.

Not long afterwards, however, his Eric Dier Tribute Act really gathered momentum when he made a bit of a lunge around halfway. It was the sort of challenge which is fine in principle, but in practice does require a certain sharpness from the blocks. Dragusin, however, is not really the sort who can spring in lightning quick fashion from a standing start. I’m not sure he can spring in lightning quick fashion from a running start either, to be honest. Anyway, for whatever reason, the Fulham lad’s nipping away of the ball was carried out at a far quicker speed than Dragusin’s lunge, and Fulham were away.

I also noted that the two clear-cut chances Fulham made in the first half, were presented to the man who Dragusin, along with the ever-vacant Porro, was supposed to be monitoring.

So far, so Dier. What then emphasised the likeness in my eyes was a couple of his attempts to distribute the ball further north. These, quite simply, missed their target, gifting possession to Fulham around halfway and thereby prompting an about-turn from all in lilywhite.

Now it’s worth emphasising here that in criminally misdirecting passes of between 5 and 15 yards, Dragusin was by no means the sole culprit. It was indicative of a generally horrendous performance amongst the entire outfield mob that seemed utterly incapable of stringing a few basic passes together without the radar shutting down and the ball hitting a red shirt.

Nevertheless, this hardly excused Dragusin. Neither did it do much to instil confidence.

As mentioned above, this was not unadulterated filth from the chap throughout. He had good moments as well as bad, I simply noted a bit too much in the Debit column for my liking. He ended up with a big thick tick in the Credit column, however, with that stoppage-time clearance off the line after Ben Davies’ solid, retreating trundle saw him beaten for pace. As such, I suppose that as third or fourth-choice centre-back he’s competent enough. Moreover, it can take a good year or so for these foreign fellows to find their feet in the Premier League, so he might yet improve considerably. I just found myself shaking my head at him once too often yesterday, and recalling a former member of the parish.

2. Forster

AANP occasionally watches a spot of tennis to pass an idle hour, and one notion that occurred to me on seeing Andy Murray recently call time on his career, was that it was rotten luck for him to be born when he was. Not much he could have done about it of course. In my experience babies will often delay things for a week or two, for sport, but there’s not much scope for them to press pause for a whole decade. Not the done thing.

So Murray was stuck with the era in which popped up, and as such had to look on a little forlornly as three of the best players ever hoovered up most of the gongs. And in a roundabout way, having watched Fraser Forster pull off  a number of goal-worthy reflex saves that kept us in the game yesterday, the thought occurred that, in a different era, he too might have been feted one of the very best in the business.

Certainly his shot-stopping, in his couple of engagements so far, has been of the highest quality. In general too, being of sturdy construction and about fourteen feet tall, he deals with crosses in pretty dominant fashion. With such qualities to his name, had he sprung up in the 80s, 90s or 00s, for example, he might well have been regarded as one of the elite.

These days, however, the standard goalkeeper plucked from the street is expected first and foremost to pass from feet. From the back, and over short distances. Show composure and accuracy with the ball at your feet, seems to be the instruction, and the stuff with the hands can be tacked on later.

Gone are the days when the goalkeeper’s work was done upon having grasped the ball, and they could simply kick from their hands over halfway, and lean back against the goalpost for a snooze. If they can’t pass ten yards to their nearby colleagues, and occasionally bypass half the opposition with a 20-yarder through the lines, then they won’t get a look in.

When it comes to passing from feet, Forster actually competent enough, from what we see, but one wouldn’t really grade him any more highly than that. One or two of his passes yesterday did go a bit rogue and land at Fulham feet. I suppose one might argue that that can happen to the best of us from time to time, but the point is that he does not really come across as one whose greatest forte is as a ball-player.

To repeat, however, his saves won us a point yesterday. Due to a general air of incompetence from those around him, Fulham were allowed far too many efforts on goal, several of which were of the clear-cut variety, and at least two required Forster to churn out some point-blank stuff. And let’s face it, point-blank saves are as close as goalkeepers will get to scoring themselves.

3. Quite the Off-Day

Forster and his shot-stopping aside, it is difficult to muster up too much enthusiasm about any other individuals. Maddison beavered, and picked one or two passes that quickened the pulse, but one would only describe him as a constant menace, or something similar, if one had fingers crossed behind one’s back and a pretty guilty-looking expression etched across the face.

There some extenuating circumstances, for Solanke soldiers away like an absolute trooper when available – and one of those troopers who delights in getting covered with filth if it helps the collective – so his absence, and the unavailability of Richarlison, hamstrung us like nobody’s business. It might have been a day to start young Lankshear, but that’s not a grumble into which I’m going to put much lung-power. The lad still looks a tad undercooked.

Without a dominant focal point our lot were unable to hold up the ball, and generally seemed a bit lost as to what the point of the whole thing was once they gained possession. As front-threes go, it is difficult to imagine a more soft and delicate combo than Son, Werner and Johnson. One understands the decision to give Kulusevski a bit of a breather, but no Solanke or Richarlison about the place either, it left us frightfully lightweight in attack.

AANP has generally been pretty forgiving of Angeball and Our Glorious Leader. When we lose games having had 20 shots on goal, I’ll tend to shrug it off, on the grounds that, by and large, playing that way we’ll win (and handsomely so) more than we’ll lose/draw. Indeed, hearty batterings of various half-decent sides this season seem to bear that out.

Where the mood darkens, however, is when a general insipidity washes over the collective from start to finish. The fact that Fulham can beetle up to our place and conjure up more shots on target,  and slope off feeling aggrieved not to have won, is pretty troubling. As mentioned, generally when we fail to win it’s just because a stream of shots failed to find the net; but yesterday (and against Palace a month or two ago), darker forces were at work.

Bizarrely, we remain only 5 points off second, but if anything this hammers home the frustration of having dropped more eminently winnable points.

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Spurs match reports

Spurs 4-1 Villa: Three(ish) Tottenham Talking Points

1. Some Lovely Goals

You’ll have to excuse AANP for adopting all the subtlety of a tabloid rag, but I’ll start the wittering today with the headline stuff. No doubt there are reams to be written about all the tactical minutiae and subtle dialogue that bubbled away beneath the surface for the first 45, but when one is treated to four goals as humdinging in their own special ways as ours were today, one has to pause and ask oneself, where else could one possibly start?

1.1 Our First Goal

Although Brennan Johnson deserves to have his hair ruffled for sneaking his way to the front of the queue while the doormen weren’t looking, and duly hoovering up from the platter in front of him (an act almost certainly designed to ram back down AANP’s throat the decision to expel him from my Fantasy Team), the real hero of our opening goal was Sonny.

Any cross from the flank is generally a means to an end, very much playing a supporting role in the great scheme of attacking things. Every once in a while, however, one is treated to a cross so dripping in quality that the eyes bulge from their moorings and a spontaneous soundtrack of gasps breaks out to accompany it. Sonny’s delivery for our first goal was of this ilk.

Oddly enough, it seemed to spring into existence from nowhere. I vaguely recall Son having received the ball out wide on the left on numerous occasions in the first half, without having really given any indication that a cross for the ages was on the cards. But in keeping with the general post-break uptick in intensity, in minute 49 he did not dwell too long on the potential implications, and instead, as soon as allowed a yard of space, put his head down and wrapped his foot around the ball.

As mentioned, that Johnson eventually scrawled his signature on the bottom of the thing to make it official was almost incidental. The quality of the inbound delivery, in this instance, was everything. Curl, pace, optimal height – whatever a striker of sound mind would add to their wish-list for a delivery from out wide, this cross had it. Not to have converted it would have been a travesty bordering on the criminal.

1.2 Our Second Goal

The highlight of our second goal was undoubtedly the finish. I had been muttering to my Spurs-supporting chum Ian that Solanke, as far as I can remember, has yet to have benefitted from a straightforward one-on-one during his time in lilywhite. He’s poked in a few close-range rebounds, and been crowded out while trying to fashion a chance from the edge of the area, but I can’t quite recall one of those Werner-esque opportunities when the striker eyeballs the goalkeeper, time stands still and it’s just the two of them locking horns.

Well thanks to some whizz-popping outside the area by Johnson and Kulusevski, Solanke had his big moment, and by golly the finish he produced was a doozy.

With the spotlight on Solanke, and a couple of games in his rear-view mirror in which he’d not had so much as a sniff of goal, when the ball broke for him inside the area one might have feared a lack of confidence. Not a bit of it. With AANP baying for him to lash the thing, Solanke unwrapped a manoeuvre that only those pumped to the gills with confidence can dare to attempt, and, allowing Martinez to spread himself about the place like a prime chump, dinked the ball over him to nestle almost nonchalantly in the net.

If Sonny’s earlier assist merited a commemorative mural somewhere off the High Road, then this finish from Solanke merits similar consideration. It doesn’t matter how they go in, I suppose, but that finish had me viewing the man with awe etched across my features for the remainder.

And within the generally approving din, one ought not to neglect the build-up to that goal. I’m not sure that Johnson necessarily intended his first-time pass to Kulusevski just outside the area, but there can be no doubt that Kulusevski meant the short diagonal pass that cut to ribbons the Villa back-line. Kulusevski’s pass practically tore in half the defender tasked with monitoring Solanke as he tried in vain to keep tabs both on the striker on his eastern wing and the ball rolling westwards.

1.3 Our Third Goal

No doubt about it, a quizzical ripple echoed around N17 when, in the aftermath of our equaliser, Our Glorious Leader decided that Sonny’s race was run. And the volume on that ripple was turned up a notch or two, at least at AANP Towers, when the cunning plan to fill the Son-shaped hole was revealed to constitute one primed and ready Richarlison, as Mikey Moorer and Timo Werner no doubt exchanged quizzical looks on the bench.

Big Ange, to his credit, has made some reasonably sound mid-game switches in recent weeks, the replacement of Maddison with Sarr vs West Ham being the most notable; and moreover I consider myself one of the most loyal supporters of the man; but every now and then there comes a time in one’s life when one’s only course of action is to survey events and unleash a deeply disturbed sigh. When Richarlison replaced Son that is precisely the severe course of action I undertook.

For a few minutes it seemed that Ange might have bungled things somewhat, Richarlison certainly bounding about enthusiastically in his defensive duties, but not really fulfilling the attacking terms of the contract.

However, if Ange wanted to direct a look of vindication towards me in the immediate aftermath of the third goal he’d have had my blessing, because Richarlison absolutely nailed his big moment. Released by Sarr and within sight of goal, he (and big Dom Solanke to his right) would not doubt have been unsurprised to have heard the now familiar sound of AANP baying at him to lash the thing. It is to his enormous credit therefore that he waved away this option, and instead somehow located through an absolute forest of legs the onrushing Solanke for a tap-in (rich reward for another afternoon of non-stop running on his part).

So, reading left to right, credit was duly bestowed upon Richarlison, Solanke and Postecoglou, the only blot on the landscape being that Richarlison is made of biscuits, and as such, managed to do himself a mischief in the act of gently delivering a six-yard pass.

1.4 Our Fourth Goal

We Spurs-supporting folk have been rather starved of goals from free-kicks over the years. Kieran Trippier twanged in a couple in his time, Harry Kane leathered them everywhere but the goal and Christian Eriksen may have struck oil once or twice, but in the post-Bale era it feels like these were very much the exceptions rather than the norms.

The sight of Maddison delivering one into the top corner was therefore a rare old treat. Moreover, there is something particularly becoming about a well-executed free-kick. It has a certain flawless quality to it, don’t you think? No deflections, or scrambles amongst the riff-raff, just a single, honest strike, and an unfettered pathway from turf to net.

By that point it was turning into a hot day for murals on the little side-roads, as this was yet another of those goals that oozed good, wholesome aesthetic value. It had the additional benefit of finally allowing those of us of a more nervous disposition when watching Spurs, finally to exhale. 3-1 going into ten additional minutes felt fraught with risk; 4-1 with three minutes to go felt just about secure.

2. Sarr

In detailing our second and third goals I rather ignored the starters and nibbles, and in each case ploughed straight into the main course. With some reason, for as mentioned, Solanke’s finish and Richarlison’s presence of mind, had about them much to commend.

But the notable omission in each case was the healthy shift put in by Pape Sarr, and while it is a little tedious simply to direct the spotlight on goal involvements and ignore everything else, in this instance it seems acceptable enough, as Sarr’s contribution to those two goals neatly encapsulated so much that was good about him today.

While I thought he was busy without necessarily stamping authority upon proceedings in the first half (Bentancur arguably outshining him in central midfield, with a neat combo of tidy passing and forthright tackling), Sarr’s ability to keep charging about the place, while all others run out of puff and wheezily pause for breath, motored us along in the second session.

In the build-up to our second goal it was Sarr who collected the scraps won by Davies, and then played the ball forward for Johnson and Kulusevski to begin treading the measure together, before sliding in Solanke. Admittedly there was plenty of legwork still to do after Sarr’s contribution – I hardly present the case that Sarr and Sarr alone created the goal, and as noted above Kulusevski and then Solanke were the standout performers in that little scene.

But that Sarr should have collected the ball in the first place said much about his spirit of defensive willing, in having tracked back. Moreover, while it might not seem particularly momentous that he then walked the ball forward fifteen yards and drilled it forward another ten, it was precisely what the situation demanded, and, at 1-1, it was the sort of signal of positive intent that I suspect would have been rejected by such recent N17 luminaries as Hojbjerg, Skipp et al.

If Sarr’s contribution to our second was adequate enough, his input into our third was vastly more significant. It began with him pouncing on a loose pass from a Villa cheese, which in itself merited the approving nod, it demonstrating a sprightly awareness of current affairs and the energy levels required to make Angeball tick.

Having intervened thusly in the centre circle, however, there was still plenty of honest toil through which to plough. The situation was promising no doubt, Sarr receiving assistance from three on his right and one on his left, but a few key tasks required ticking off before the collective roar of approval sounded. The odds were beginning to favour Sarr, particularly as he worked up a head of steam and headed towards the area, but some clear thinking would imminently be required.

He played his part to perfection. Having taken receipt of the ball on the white of the centre circle, he dragged it with him at a healthy lick until 20 yards from goal. At this point, with options to his right and even the potential for a shot, he wisely identified that Richarlison, to his left, as the most profitable route, and for added value he rolled the ball such that no break of stride was required. As detailed above, Richarlison then played his part, and Solanke his.

For Sarr, these contributions captured in two microcosms much of what was good about his performance – indefatigable energy, married with intelligent and attack-minded decision-making.

3. What Romero Might Learn From Ben Davies

I suspect not even the wildest optimists amongst us would have hoped for this scoreline when wiping the Sunday roast from our lips an hour or two earlier, so it was just a shame that the triumph was not achieved without casualties.

Richarlison, as mentioned, is cursed with a constitution that dictates that nature will simply find a way to hobble him before the night is out; but Romero’s latest mishap appeared to be entirely self-afflicted, and brought about by yet another demonstration of a yawning vacancy between his ears.

I can understand that there are some for whom a meaty challenge is the pinnacle of an afternoon’s on-pitch entertainment, and if well-timed and properly executed I suppose I’m accepting enough of such things. I’d always be inclined to have a think about the immediate fallout myself – where the ball lands, who is covering the prone defender, and so forth – but if the idea is simply to shut down an attack, shovel the ball out of play and make sure the attacker is felled like an oak, then I can lend my vote. Bentancur ticked all of the above boxes in one such episode in the first half, and AANP was happy enough to chip in with some polite applause.

But when Romero decided to wipe out his man midway through the second half, the reaction over here was markedly less sunny. One learns to curb the tongue, of course, but if I had thickened the air with the foulest discourse it would have been with some justification.

Put squarely, there was just no need. Villa were piecing together the beginnings of an attack, of that there can be no doubt, but this was no goal-saving moment. They were on halfway, for goodness’ sake. The Villa scally had just ridden two other challenges, and Pedro Porro was hoving into view to keep him company during his upfield progression – all of which suggested that the attacker could simply have been monitored as he advanced, and escorted off towards the side of the pitch if necessary. In short, Romero could have stayed on his feet.

By flying in on halfway, Romero was effectively removing himself from the defensive line-up in the immediate aftermath – at a point in the game at which the score was 1-1, close enough to require the avoidance of oaf-like defensive risks. Why he could not simply have stayed on his feet and kept abreast of things at a gallop is beyond me. The clueless berk seems obsessed with the notion that full-stretch diving challenges in the middle of the pitch constitute good defending.

Not only did he pick up a pretty obvious yellow card for his troubles, he also inflicted sufficient damage upon his own frame to require his removal – at a time when we are already shorn of Micky Van de Ven. The thoughtlessness of the whole episode was maddening.

Clearly in need of a spot of instruction on the basics, Romero would have done well to have observed from the treatment room the conduct of Ben Davies fifteen minutes later, in what turned out to be the build-up to our second goal. I mentioned previously that Sarr picked up the scraps to set in motion events for this goal; those aforementioned scraps were earned by Davies.

Villa had nabbed possession on the edge of their own area, and played the ball up to halfway, and with Watkins in possession might have been away on the counter with one deft touch. Enter Davies, who rather than channelling his inner Romero and lunging in horizontally, instead stayed on his feet to extend a single well-judged leg. This was comfortably sufficient to win the ball (and, as events transpired, turned into the pass from which Sarr created our goal), but also had the useful side-effect of keeping Davies upright and able to deal with any untoward consequences. Not a yellow card, or self-inflicted injury, in sight.

For all Romero’s handy passing from the back, his approach to defending strikes me each week as absolutely laden with unnecessary risk and error.

The consequences of all that might be felt in the coming weeks; but for tonight at least, this was quite the win. It seems that all too often we stream home at the conclusion chuntering away about an inability to take chances, and how we really ought to have scored at least four and wrapped up the thing – so one is entitled to dance a pretty satisfied jig after having done exactly that, on the back of plenty of good, honest endeavour, and against one of the division’s tougher nuts.

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Spurs match reports

Spurs 2-1 Man City: Four Tottenham Talking Points

1. A Tip of the Cap Towards the Team Selection

You may be surprised to know that prior to this one AANP was feeling pretty sanguine about our prospects. Those who encountered me pre-kick-off would have gasped at the air of quiet confidence that I radiated. Not so much on account of anything going on at N17, mind, as much as being due to the previous declaration from Pep that he considered the Carabao Cup beneath him and was only going to sit through it because contractually obliged. I paraphrase somewhat, but that’s the gist, and as such I went into this one thinking we might oil our way through in credit.

And we did precisely that, which is pretty ripping. The fact that our heroes, to a man, saw fit to input every last drop of perspiration was simultaneously warming and mildly depressing. Warming, for obvious reasons. One wants to win. One wants to beat Man City. One wants some dashed silverware in one’s mitts. Working off one’s socks helps bring to fruition such heady projects.

The depressing aspect was that all this honest industry was so conspicuously absent on Sunday. Far be it from me to cast aspersions, but it was almost as if our lot were infinitely more motivated for a match against the reigning champions of the land than against some winless mob in the relegation zone. Slanderous stuff I know, but I’d be deceiving my public if I swore that such a thought had not crossed my mind.

However, experience has taught me that nobody likes the chap who punctuates a merry shindig with a gloomy anecdote or two about life’s ills, so I’ll let that particular topic lie. The hot topic of discussion is that last night we triumphed, and thanks in no small part to the ceaseless endeavour of all involved.

One striking aspect was that this was one of those rarely-spotted binges in which our lot were largely starved of possession. Not by design, I’d suggest, Our Glorious Leader never knowingly advocating an approach of surrendering the ball and sitting deep, but such was the ability of the City mob that from about the half-hour mark onwards, Mother Nature seemed to shrug her shoulders and decide that that was how life was to be.

So a different sort of assignment for our heroes, but in this respect I rather thought that Ange nailed his team selection. Game by game I imagine he does a spot of the old inner monologuing on the topic of James Maddison, and in this instance the decision to leave him in the pews and start with more defensive-minded crows about the place was a sound one. Pretty obvious, granted, but sound nevertheless.

I also liked the idea of Johnson, Kulusevski and Werner being unsheathed for battle from the off. I possibly pay Ange too much credit here again, for I’m not sure there was a massive abundance of alternatives, but the pace of these two – rather than, for example, the gentler bobbing of Richarlison – seemed another of those moves that one greets with a sage tap of the nose. For if this were indeed to be a game in which we were to be forced deep and starved somewhat of possession, then pairs of legs as quick as the wind itself were a pretty essential piece of kit to pack.

And thus it transpired. Angeball is not traditionally a system designed for counter-attacks, but when need arises Messrs J., K. and W. can whizz away up the pitch like the best of them, and that opening goal was a triumph for all disciples of the art. There should have been a couple more in the second half too, the strategy of soaking up pressure and then haring away like the wind proving a dolly of a scheme. 

While we rode our luck at times at the back, both the setup and the attitude were spot-on, and if there were a few self-satisfied back-pats and smirks in the changing room afterwards then they’d have had the AANP blessing.

2. Timo Werner

To describe Timo Werner as ‘Much-maligned’ is to undercook things so severely one risks a salmonella outbreak. The honest fellow remains admirably backed by manager, players and fans, but the groans that accompany each duffed finish are pretty audible, as is the exasperated chatter in the immediate aftermath, as the dust settles and we all vent to our neighbour.

And in that context, Werner’s performance in general, and goal in particular, gave the insides a pretty warming glow. One would have needed to possess a particularly stony heart not to have wanted to serve oneself a generous splash and toasted his moment of success.

Starting with his goal, there has been not so much a mere train of thought as one of those lightning quick contraptions that whizzes through Japan, suggesting that part of Werner’s problem is that he has too much time to think in front of goal. And here AANP empathises. Click the fingers at AANP and ask him to pick A or B, and it’s a done deal, lickety-split; suggest to AANP that he can take a second or two to mull it over and he’ll crack open a spreadsheet and overthink like the dickens.

Werner’s recent history of goalscoring opportunities is choc-full of examples of him sticking data in spreadsheets rather than simply making a choice and pulling the trigger. Yesterday’s opportunity, however, seemed almost to straddle the line between the two scenarios.

On the one hand it could be argued that he did not have time to take more than one touch. The ball arrived, a defender hove into view – if an orchestra had been present they’d have skipped the gentle build-up and gone straight to the roaring crescendo. In such circumstances, the decisions were largely made for Werner, and he cracked the thing home with aplomb.

On the other hand, though, the delivery from Kulusevski took just about long enough to reach Werner that the latter did have time for a few disturbing scenarios to flit to mind and torment him a bit. There was just sufficient time for him to have considered shooting at the near post, or even to have considered taking an additional touch to see what new adventure would follow.

In short, this was not entirely in the realm of the instinctive tap-in. Werner had his opportunity to overthink things, and it is to his credit that he used that time rather more productively – specifically to adjust his body-shape – before finishing like a consummate professional.

And thereafter, for his remaining hour or so, I thought he did a decent enough job of things. The chance he missed in the second half, when he sprinted from halfway, was only a couple of inches off target, although admittedly he also put another one a lot further wide, and stuck one down the ‘keeper’s gullet in the first half.

But in other respects he pootled about handily, putting some height and whip on his crosses, making good use of his pace and certainly indicating some smart thinking when it came to linking up with colleagues, even if his execution was at times slightly off.

Man of the match stuff it was not, but within a counter-attacking unit this was pretty solid fare, and arguably more than Johnson offered on the right. One hopes that the goal might settle him down a tad for any similar upcoming scenarios, and given that that particular demon has for now been exorcised one also rather hopes that his injury is nothing too severe, not least with Sonny and Odobert similarly bandaged up.

3. Archie Gray

Another midweek game, another viewing of the Archie-Gray-at-Right-Back experiment, and, not wanting to be too damning, I’m struggling to see where this is all leading. The most useful conclusion I could draw was that the medical gang ought to give Djed Spence a couple of extra rehab sessions each week to get him back up and running, because whatever commendations one showers upon young Gray, “Masterful right-back” is unlikely to be amongst them.

The left-winger against whom Gray was pitting his wits was known in the registry office as Matheus Nunes, and while apparently not in the running for the recent Ballon d’Or, he was nevertheless evidently the sort of chump who knew his beans. A good test for any aspiring right-back, one would suggest. I dare say that even Pedro Porro would have had a task on his hands keeping the blighter under wraps, so in many ways this was the perfect way to check up on the nous of young Gray in this position.

Alas, for the most part, Nunes had Gray on toast. No aspersions whatsoever cast upon young Gray for effort, the lad hitting a solid 10 on that front. And there were occasional, fleeting moments in possession, particularly in the second half, when he demonstrated the sound touch and technique that have marked him out as a bit of a one for the central midfield positions.

But on this day of all days young Gray needed to be on his mettle defensively, and even with Brennan Johnson dutifully doubling up, that Nunes creature seemed to have the measure of the left wing, happy to waltz through and get up to mischief whenever the whim seized him.

I’m not sure which of Gray and Johnson deserves the Jabbing Finger of Blame for the goal conceded, but even aside from that, this was pretty inauspicious stuff from the former. Staple it together with the recent Europa displays, and the body of evidence begins to take a bit of shape, like a liquid metal terminator going through its reforming motions. Something begins to emerge, and early indications are that it’s not overwhelmingly encouraging.

I suppose for the purposes of early-stage Cup jousts we can probably get away with the ultimate Square Peg at right-back, but if this is the option to consider in the eventuality of a significant Pedro Porro injury, then I fancy I’ll emit a pretty audible gulp and start looking frantically about the place for alternatives.

4. Richarlison

I probably ought to pay a little tribute to Kulusevski for his incessant beavering; or tip the cap towards Bentancur for a display as useful as it was busy; or use far more words than are necessary to make the point that Dragusin has yet to convince me as first reserve at centre-back; or note that Johnson’s flick in the build-up to the opening goal was exquisite, but that that aside his distribution was pretty unremarkable – but I won’t.

And in large part the reason is that no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on matters elsewhere, the gaze was repeatedly drawn back to Richarlison.

I should emphasise that, in a pretty thrilling turn of events, I come to praise Mr R., not to bury him. Well, ‘praise’ might be a bit heavy, as it’s difficult to get past that late miss of his, but when I mentioned I was not here to bury him I spoke sooth. I suppose my sentiment towards him last night was one of fascination. I couldn’t quite make up my mind about him.

For a start, I’m not sure left wing is really the role for which he was knitted while forming in the womb; but then when one sees the calamitous mess he makes of finishing, one is hardly inclined to advocate he patrols the centre-forward position.

However, all that said, he actually took to the task of being representative of the left side of attack with surprisingly good humour last night. At one point he produced a trick of the feet of which I would not have believed him capable in a thousand years of trying, to skip past an opponent and set us on the counter – and nor was this an isolated incident, he turning into quite the useful conduit for transforming defence into attack out on the left, as well as taking every opportunity to muck in with the lads at the back, chasing down City players like a canine who’d spotted a particularly enticing stick.

All of which might sound pretty encouraging stuff to the uninitiated, but rather irritatingly several of Richarlison’s best-laid plans slightly nose-dived when it came to the end-product, he more than once spotting the perfect pass but then failing to execute just so.

Ad then there was the miss, from the opportunity gifted to him by a most errant throw from City. With the goalkeeper as taken aback as everyone else in the arena, and therefore a little slow to dash from his line, it’s not too great an exaggeration to suggest that the entire goal was gaping. Left and Right seemed the key options, looming large ahead of Richarlison. They appeared to be the safe zones. Either of those rough ball-parks, and the ‘keeper was out of the game. Basically, the only thing to avoid doing, to guarantee a goal and safe passage to the next round, was to jab the ball straight at the goalkeeper.

So of course, Richarlison, being Richarlison, ignored all of the above, snatched at the chance and struck the ball at the feet of the goalkeeper like a cricketer shying at the stumps. It should not detract completely from the fact that his was a bright and breezy cameo, contributing in defence as well as attack, but nevertheless. When you’re a forward, and in the dying moments you have presented to you on a platter a chance to win the game and be the hero, conventional wisdom dictates that you don’t mess around.

Merrily, it did not cost, and nor did any of the other misses scattered about the place. This whole business of failing to bury eminently presentable chances is an absolute nuisance – and may ultimately end up as the epitaph on the managerial gravestone of Ange – but in a pleasing break from tradition, this time at least, it did not rob us of the win.