1. Gift-Horses
Decency probably dictates that we rattle off an acknowledgement or two before getting down to the serious business of backslaps and charged glasses, for to suggest that Villa were a tad undercooked rather understates affairs.
AANP has never really gone if for animals, some pet gerbils (Gazza and Ledley, since you ask) being the extent of the menagerie at AANP Towers, but I understand that when it comes to gift-horses, the key rule for a healthy and comfortable life is not look these equine delights in the mouth. In layman’s terms, as I understand it, this essentially means that if Aston Villa toddle out onto the pitch looking to a man like they’d rather be elsewhere – specifically playing a European semi-final instead – then you don’t stand on ceremony but show them what for, and lickety-split.
If a neutral onlooker were to remark sniffily that this isn’t really cricket, and that had the fixture been arrange for a few months or even weeks earlier it would have been a vastly different-looking Villa fastening their helmets – well, in truth I’d have agreed. A quirk of the calendar I might have said, before doing a poor job of expressing sympathy for West Ham, who seem to have emerged from all this as the real losers.
So no doubt about it, we were handed a thick and meaty slice of luck regarding the timing of this particular joust. However, luck of one form or another (injuries, VAR calls) has been in short supply all season, so if there were a tally kept of such things we’d probably have been due some by now; and once the gift-horse is led your way you ought to do all in your power to capitalise. Pleasingly, our heroes did exactly that.
2. Gallagher
I must confess that the heart did not exactly leap a few months back when news broke of the arrival of C. Gallagher Esquire at N17. He’ll rack up the steps, went the AANP line of thought, but he’s not exactly the creative spark to ignite our season.
And it was with a similarly underwhelmed roll of the eyes that I greeted the teamsheet yesterday, and its accompanying news that CG would be occupying the much-vaunted Number 10 role. Where such luminaries as Hoddle, Van der Vaart and Maddison had gone before, I could not quite envisage Gallagher twinkle-toeing through dangerous areas last night. Just the man if you want a bucket of sweat exuded, but perhaps not quite the chappie you’d call upon for defence-splitting passes and creative ingenuity, was the gist of it.
It turned out, however, that the whole point of the Gallagher As A Number 10 gambit was precisely the bucket-of-sweat element. It was a plot-twist up there with Keyser Soze reveal. Gallagher wasn’t deployed as a Number 10 in order to create a bally thing – his whole purpose was to be front and centre of the high press.
Lest there be any doubt about how well this quirky take on an old classic might work, within the opening 5 minutes our lot had already pilfered possession from our dozy opponents high up the pitch on three or four occasions, producing a decent threat and generally giving an indication of things to come. Gallagher, naturally, was at the heart of it, tearing around the joint like a puppy newly released into a park. Christmas had evidently come early for the chap, was not just allowed to go sliding into man-ball-the-lot tackles but was positively encouraged to do so. With a supporting cast including such shrinking violets as Richarlison and Joao Palhinha, this tactic struck a ripe old harvest from the off.
And just to seal the deal, Gallagher then threw in one of the best first touches of 2026 to pluck the ball out of the atmosphere, sending the nearest Villa soul into a different postcode and setting himself neatly for a shot all in the same seamless motion. In truth, I thought the shot he then unfurled was a few rungs down from “Sweetest Contact Ever”, but the Villa ‘keeper seemed to have received the team memo and made but a token motion towards the ball, and Gallagher had his goal.
3. Kolo Muani and Tel
The lilywhite career trajectories of Messrs K-M and T have differed slightly, at least in the eyes of AANP. I’ve long considered Kolo Muani one of the more naturally talented of the current crop, but sadly lacking in the Can Be Bothered department.
Yesterday, and not a moment too soon, he seemed to burst at the seams with vim and enthusiasm, delivering possibly his best performance in our colours so far. Admittedly the competition in this area is light, that two-goal salvo against PSG probably his only other half-decent showing, but still. One cycles back to animal care and that gag about gift-horses. If Kolo Muani suddenly decides he’ll spend his evening stringing along a Villa defender, we probably ought just to get behind him and say “Ho for the byline”.
Out on t’other flank young Master Tel beavered away with that customary youthful exuberance of his. There was a time, not 12 months ago, when I would bleat away to anyway who’d listen, that Tel’s loan-to-buy option ought not to be exercised, on the grounds that he was neither one thing nor another. A central striker he most certainly was not, being deficient in the stakes of heft, hold-up and finishing; whilst he hadn’t done a great deal to indicate that he was any better out wide than the countless wingers of recent years who delivered one match-winning performance in 10 or 20 – Moura, Lamela, Chadli et al.
And with no goals in his last 17 matches, one might credibly argue that Tel still has not exactly made himself undroppable as a wide man. However, the next best thing to actually winning games through goals scored and created, is probably to give the opposition defenders a bit of a headache, and this Tel increasingly seems to do. He does not need too many invitations to get his head down, whirl his legs and try to beat his man out on the left. Sometimes he fails, but increasingly often he succeeds. Yesterday, each time he received the ball over halfway, I don’t mind admitting that the AANP pulse quickened.
By and large his end-product was a bit squiffy, his catalogue featuring a few wild efforts that went off into orbit, but the cross he delivered for Richarlison’s goal was dripping in quality, so the chap certainly earned his congratulatory nod.
4. De Zerbi
Just about all in lilywhite-tinted yellow emerged with credit yesterday, but perhaps precisely because of that I reserve the smartest salute for our latest Glorious Leader. Quite why it’s been so difficult for any of the previous GLs to get a tune out of our players is a dissertation for a different day, but no doubt about it, RDZ has performed a spot of alchemy in the last two or three weeks.
Mercifully the Villa consolation came too late for a true test of nerve to be unleashed upon our lot, so it remains to be seen quite how tough the underbelly will be when things go wrong; but the attitude and organisation yesterday was spot on. As well as the Gallagher-led high-press from the off, and bundles of energy on display throughout, I was also struck by the fact that there was a clear plan and that all involved seemed to know exactly what they were supposed to be doing.
Admittedly this ought not really to be front-page news, but having watched a whole season of our heroes treating one another like complete strangers and displaying precious little understanding of a game-plan, yesterday’s fare was manna from heaven.
Quite what De Zerbi has been saying to them behind closed doors is anyone’s guess, but he seems to have motivated them. With a bit of luck, that will suffice for natural talent to do its thing over the next three assignments.