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Spurs – Chelsea Preview: No Fate But What We Make…

“The future, always so clear to me, had become like a black highway at night. We were in uncharted territory now, making up history as we went along. The unknown future rolls toward us. I face it for the first time with a sense of hope, because if a machine, a Terminator, can learn the value of human life, maybe we can, too.”
Sarah Connor, Terminator 2

 

Rather ironic sentiments from Ms Connor, I’m sure you’ll agree, given that the following two Terminator films were pretty darned awful, and her own character was promptly killed off, but one understands the point, and such buoyant optimism is shared at AANP Towers ahead of kick-off this afternoon.For the first time we go into a Chelski game with the bookies finding it difficult to choose between us (Spurs 7-4, Chelski 6-4). The bookmakers rarely get it wrong, and all things considered this is probably as good as time as there has been in the last ten years or so to play this lot. Drogba is still shaking off the ill-effects of swine-flu or some such pestilential malady, and Chelski have only scored three in their last six games, or something similar. Admittedly we ought not to become too over-excited by this, as the Chelsea Pensioners could probably stick a couple past us in 90 minutes, given our current form, but up the other end their defence has been by no means watertight, even with the dastardly John Terry restored. Our trusty game-plan, of not worrying too much about defence, and simply outscoring whoever trots out in front of us, ought to serve us well today.

The midfield will presumably be where this game is won and lost, and with VDV and Hudd still unavailable much depends on Modders. The clean-shaven Jesus has been in coruscating form, albeit a tad underrated, given the glamorous types hogging the headlines all around him, but with Lampard sitting this one out, the stage is set for Modric to assume control.

There may also be a timely return to action for Dawson, which would help stiffen things up at the back, but such is the way of things at the moment that even pre kick-off I now accept that we will concede at least one. However, with Modders back, Defoe sharp and Bale simply present on the pitch, we will, as ever have goals in us. The last 12 months have been a whole succession of marks of our progress; this afternoon should herald yet another.

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Twente 3-3 Spurs: And More, Much More Than This…

Admittedly it was more school playground than Champions League, but never mind that – huzzah! We won the group! And as ever, we did it the Tottenham way! Lovers of the drab and dreary on Tuesday and Wednesday nights have been swooning in horror ever since we began this merry European jaunt with that kamikaze first half in the Wankdorf Stadium against Young Boys, but they can ruddy well buckle themselves in and hold their breath, because we’ll be marching back for more in 2011. Outstanding.Tuesday night was the usual Tottenham fare – goals, the obligatory penalty, the obligatory two injuries, and yet more goals.

Our heroes decided to mark the occasion by becoming almost a parody of themselves, delivering a performance of the usual quite absurd level of action, but this time with even less plot than normal, as the concept of trying to control the game in midfield was studiously ignored. The decimation of our midfield resources meant no VDV, Hudd or Modders, and with the ever-willing Jenas also hobbling off early, poor old Niko Kranjcar was hastily shunted into the centre, to watch the game whizz by him. Indeed, so desperate has the medical plight now become, that following the selection of two substitute ‘keepers last weekend, we finished the Twente game with quite possibly the least well-equipped central midfield in our recent history: Sergeant Wilson and Robbie Keane. 

We Need A New Left Back 

Benny may be an accident waiting to happen every time he sets foot on the pitch, but he was probably a tad unfortunate with the penalty, in that his options were a little limited as the slightly messy scenario of decapitation-by-ball beckoned. No complaints on the decision though – it would be hypocrisy of rather a high order to complain on this front given that we have benefited twice from similar scenarios in recent weeks.In just about everything else he did however, BAE made rather a pickle of things. His defending for the headed Twente goal consisted of simply watching on in typically unconcerned manner as his opponent rose right next to him, and I lost count of the number of times I roared my displeasure at the screen as he paused, looked up, set himself and fired the ball 40 yards to an opponent.

Elsewhere On The Pitch

The whole concept of keeping possession was generally ignored by just about every one of heroes last night, while not for the first time Gomes was a little erratic between the sticks.

More cheerily, Jermain Defoe looked sharp. The little fella seems to have a number of detractors, who are only too happy to chastise his greed or technique or whatnot, but for his sheer bloody-minded hunger for goals I am downright thrilled to see him back, particularly with the memory of Crouch’s inept finishing of recent weeks lingering so firmly in the memory.

I

 

t may not have been flawless but the ends justified the means, and once it become apparent that elsewhere on the continent Inter had taken the night off, and we would top the group, the tensions was eased a tad, and we were left to concentrate on avoiding further injuries. (A task, rather inevitably, in which we spectularly failed).  With just about an entire team of players set to return in time for the knock-out stages, and a tough but by no means insurmountable list of potential opponents lined up, our Champions League future seems rather bright and beautiful.tenw

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Twente – Spurs Preview: The Case For Resting Gareth Bale

No doubt there abound all manner of permutations depending on the various scorelines tonight, but there is a pleasing simplicity about the fact that victory tonight will guarantee us top-spot in the group. This would be a handy time to do away with the latest statistical quirk being waved in our direction by that dastardly band of would-be detractors: apparently our heroes are yet to win outside Londinium this season. Last time I checked the Netherlands was located outside the M25, so victory here would be welcome.Team News: Changes Afoot

Whispers in one corner of the interweb have it that Michael Dawson may be shunted back into action this evening, which would probably leave Sebastian Bassong a trifle miffed, but would otherwise be greeted with fairly universal thigh-slapping. Robbie Keane is also in the squad, while Jermaine Jenas is fit again, and not a moment too soon.

‘Arry has suggested that he might make a couple of changes in this one, in the interests of protecting the little lambs ahead of the festive schedule, on which note my thoughts turn to the boy Bale. Might this be the time to let him catch his breath? Aside from the Carling Cup shocker against l’Arse I am not too sure he has missed a single game yet, and with qualification in the bag – not to mention Niko Kranjcar grumpily twiddling his thumbs on the sidelines – this might be the night to truss him up in cotton wool and keep him out of harm’s way.

The absence of Bale would obviously detract from our attacking potency somewhat, but in terms of our shape and ability to dominate proceedings I am more concerned by the news that Modders has a bout of man-flu. Bale is an undoubted match-winner par excellence, but out on the left he injects the occasional uncontrollable, game-changing burst, rather than pulling the strings from first minute to last. The job of keeping operations ticking over is assigned to Modders, and his importance has been heightened by the absences of Hudd and VDV. A Modric-less midfield would probably comprise Jenas and Sergeant Wilson, and although these two could probably carry out the basics for 90 minutes, one suspects that their combined offering would not be drenched in the obscenely high levels of technical mastery to which we have become accustomed in central midfield this season.

Conundrum

It is a little difficult to know how to approach tonight’s festivities. Victory would mean we neatly sidestep Real, Barca, Bayern et al for one further round at least, so there is some incentive; and it seems fairly safe to assume that, as ever, our heroes will set out in their usual naïve, gung-ho fashion, for it is fairly universally acknowledged they would not know how to play a restrained, slow-tempo containing game if it smacked them in the face with a wet fish.

Nevertheless, Chelski come traipsing up the High Road this weekend, a match in which victory really is vital – so should our heroes end up ambling around tonight with all the apathy of an Australian seam bowler being relentlessly pummelled into the ground, hour after soul-destroying hour, one would appreciate why. It would not be an approach with which I concur, but the rationale would be understandable. Wholesale changes are unlikely – primarily because we barely have the personnel even to fill the substitutes’ bench – but should both Bale and Modders be omitted we will know where our glorious leader’s priorities lie. I suppose a best-case scenario would see these two omitted and the eleven selected still delivering victory, but, alas, one way or t’other I can see us surrendering top-spot in the course of the evening.

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Birmingham 1-1 Spurs: How to Lose Two Points in 45 Minutes

Curses. There has been some debate across various corners of the interweb, but here at AANP Towers we had rather been enjoying the exalted status of title dark-horses, and accordingly mark this down as two points lost. No catastrophe, but if we can win at the Emirates we should be able to win just about anywhere, especially after giving the opposition a one-goal first-half thrashing, if such a thing there be.Everything looked fairly tickety-boo in the first half. While Birmingham occasionally reminded us that they were taking part, flapping around in their own area and occasionally placing half a foot on the little round thing, we generally bossed proceedings. The usual suspects were summoned and duly earned their corn. Modders dictated matters in between nervous flicks of his mop; Lennon occasionally surfaced to race past his man, before racing just as quickly out of the limelight; and Bale continued his search for new and exciting ways to escape the ever-growing army of deviants sent to contain him.

One-way traffic, which ought to have been reflected by a half-time scoreline greater than one-nil, but such are the hazards of operating with Crouch in attack. He seemed hell-bent on getting all his limbs under control before attempting to shoot. Reasonable enough I suppose, but it made for typically infuriating viewing at times, when the ball itself seemed to beg him to be thumped into the net.

In our official capacity as Kings of the Second Half Comeback we really ought to have known better than to wither away and gently die after the break, but that we did. Irony abounded in fact, for not only were we this time on the receiving end of a late fightback, but Birmingham even used against us that very Plan B to which we assumed we had exclusive rights. On came their giant striker, the aerial bombardment began, the goal arrived. The introduction of Birmingham’s very own slightly inept beanpole as we defended a one-goal lead with ten minutes remaining might have been the cue for ‘Arry to reinforce things with the introduction of Michael Dawson, but such a call is easy to make after the event, and as caution is not exactly in the Tottenham DNA the only substitution ‘Arry plumped for was Princess Pav for Defoe.

Elsewhere On The Pitch… 

Gallas continued to lead by example, and Sergeant Wilson’s ongoing malaise does not really show much sign of abating, but one of the most eye-catching aspect of proceedings was on the bench rather than the pitch. Egads – two substitute ‘keepers! This injury business really is veering wildly out of hand, and with those marvellous FA suits deciding that squads this season are limited to 25 we are only a couple more groin strains from the sight of Cudicini showing Palacios how it’s done in midfield, or even an appearance from Niko Kranjcar.

Elsewhere Off The Pitch… 

Monsieur Bassong has also hinted at a move over the weekend, on the not unreasonable basis that he wants first-team football. He certainly does a handy job as sixth-choice centre-back, but presuming Daws and Kaboul return to fitness (Ledley and Woodgate represent a different kettle of fish) young Bassong’s chances will remain limited, and “adieu” it may well be.

Back to the game. An unfortunate weekend to drop points, with l’Arse and Man City both winning, but it hardly signals the end of our season, and there will be weeks when we profit and others slip up. Six points off top-spot – and on a four-game unbeaten run – represents fairly healthy going, particularly with a decimated squad, so I urge ye to pause before creating those “’Arry Out” placards. Victory against Chelski next week – and we can jolly well fancy our chances – would put us right back in the thick of things and banish the memory of the two points lost here. Silver lining? That our progress is such that we now consider a draw at Birmingham two points lost, while looking forward with confidence to the visit of Chelski.

“Spurs’ Cult Heroes”- A Christmas Stocking-Filler 

 

As well as cheerily reminiscing over the Tottenham careers of 20 of the club’s most popular fans’ favourites (Greaves, Blanchflower, Hoddle, Gazza, Klinsmann and the like) the book also covers some of the most fabled traditions etched into Spurs’ history: big European nights, magic Wembley moments, exotic foreign arrivals, questionable musical offerings, dodgy mullets etc. Quite the stocking-filler for the fellow lilywhite in your life.

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Birmingham – Spurs Preview: Maybe This Time We’ll Go Defensive?

It is the best of times; it is the worst of times. Victory upon victory upon victory is undoubtedly corking stuff; but our heroes seem incapable of tying their shoelaces without someone pulling up injured. Never mind the football – I don’t think anyone doubts that there will be goals a-plenty and we will ultimately come from behind to win. The real poser ahead of today’s game is which one of our mob will be injured next. (My money is on Modders, on the grounds that he snapped something or other against this lot last season.)Merrily however, it seems that there is actually also good news emanating from the treatment room, as the great big loveable Michael Dawson is back in the squad. Huzzah! And not a moment too soon, with Kaboul exiting stage right last week. Not sure if Daws will be ready for a full 90 minutes, so we could be due the glorious sight of Corluka trundling around the centre of defence for the first hour or so. Presumably then the game-plan will once again have to be to outscore the other lot, rather than “keep it tight at the back”…

Slow-Paced Defensive Game of Containment 

I rather sneer at the man who places a wager on our heroes to keep a clean sheet these days.

The Bremen game was very much the exception, because in general our lot cannot help but cram all sorts of attacking mayhem into their bi-weekly 90 minute act. Pause a moment just to imagine the looks of sheer incredulity amongst the faces of our heroes, if ‘Arry gathered them in the changing-room and told them to play a slow-paced, defensive game of containment. The horrified silence would presumably only be punctuated by a resounding thump, as Gareth Bale fainted, and the sobbing of Luka Modric, gently rocking in the corner. Opposition fans might not necessarily like our lot, but we are pretty well ensconced as the neutral’s favourites at the moment, for the glorious entertainment value.With no VDV today I presume we will have to adopt a more attacking 4-4-2 today. It might leave us a little over-exposed away from home in the Champions League, but away to Birmingham it ought to make for an hour and a half of fun. If my Fantasy League team has taught me anything this season it is that the Birmingham defence do like a clean sheet or two, which ought to throw down the gauntlet to Gareth Bale and chums.

Everywhere one looks at the moment the top teams are dropping points, and while Birmingham away is hardly straightforward, we do have a jolly good opportunity for a fourth consecutive league win, ahead of Chelski next week. Ordinarily I would settle for a draw in this sort of fixture, but on current form I expect nothing less than another late, late winner from our heroes.

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Spurs 2-1 Liverpool: Three Things You’re Guaranteed From Tottenham

Ahoy-hoy. Better late than never, as Aaron Lennon may well have chuckled to himself on Monday morn, while gazing intently at the mirror and shaving those diagonals just so.Some tardy musings on the Liverpool game then. Following the final whistle one passing observer had the temerity to suggest that Spurs are becoming a tad predictable. He was promptly hurled to his doom from the top storey of AANP Towers, but on reflection I do appreciate his point. “Predictable” was a poor choice of words, but there are definitely certain recurring elements to our glorious, manic run of current form.

1. Fall Behind, Come Back And Win 

2. Huzzah – Penalty! 

Being awarded the thing always sparks an excited cheer, but thereafter, the outlook becomes rather gloomy, a phenomenon that has been baffling the amateur scientists of N17 all week. It would be nice to think that they could take a leaf out of Alan Shearer’s book, and spend all week practising the noble art of thumping the ruddy thing into the top corner, but one never knows. Off the top of my head the roll of dishonour currently includes VDV, Pav, Hudd, Keane and Defoe. Some have suggested that Modders should be next up, although I vaguely recall him missing one in Euro 2008.The fact that we miss these blinking things so frequently does detract from the fact that we seem to earn an extraordinary number of them. Nine penalties already this season (in 23 games I think). That really is an awful lot so early in the season. Some have been due to acts of complete and unprompted mentalism on the part of opponents, but a lot have been earned by drawing fouls in the area, for which I suppose our heroes ought to earn a gentle ripple of applause (or indeed yellow cards for simulation, depending on the mood of the hero in black).

3. Someone – Anyone – Gets Injured 

 

A typically open, madcap affair, one which either team could have won by three clear goals, but such is life around N17 these days.Other Points of Note

Not sure of the top comic trends in Honduras at the moment, but I rather hope that they are not imbued with a strong sense of irony, because the cheers greeting Sergeant Wilson were not to be taken too literally. The appreciation of Gallas was rather more heartfelt; while the man-love for Modders continues quite healthily at AANP Towers. No clean sheet, I think we should be grateful that we conceded only one. Another last-minute winner, another three points, and the talk of title dark-horses still cannot quite be laughed out of town just yet.

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Spurs – Liverpool Preview (II): The Bubble Will Burst… But Not This Weekend

Having dried his tears and collected the assorted toys from outside his pram, a l’Arse-supporting chum earlier this week sent a message my way, the gist of which was that he was scratching his head in bewilderment trying for the life of him to remember the last time Spurs had enjoyed a week of quite so much good news. The man has a point. The derby win was followed by Champions League knock-out qualification, which was followed by an approving nod for a new Tottenham-based stadium, which has been followed by news that Michael Dawson is back in training, and even the rumour that Ledley is gingerly lifting himself from his wheelchair, sellotape and blu-tac duly applied to his balsawood limbs.There is talk in some quarters that our heroes really have turned the corner, and that those mentioning Spurs as potential Premiership or Champions League winners ought not necessarily to be thrown into a dusty spot of land and given a damn good thrashing for crimes against reason and common sense. A cautionary note echoes around the walls of AANP Towers for sure, as there remains a strong chance that we will finish the season not only empty-handed but also trapped in the arid and unforgiving wasteland that is the Europa League. As such, the policy around these parts is not to speculate too wildly about how the world might look come May 2011, but simply to wring every last drop of enjoyment from the present moment.

The abacus has been dusted down, and all manner of rigorous arithmetic drills undertaken, the upshot of which is that AANP can confirm that in all competitions it is now three wins and counting for our lot – and in a spirit of bonny, blithe and gay optimism I am rather inclined to think we will have our fourth come Sunday evening. The danger after a good Champions League win is that the next pre-match huddle actually consists of the players patting one another on the backs for a midweek job well done, rather than spitting, snarling and straining at the leash in preparation for the forthcoming 90 minutes. No such danger this Sunday I would hazard. The time for complacency was probably Wednesday night, with the memory of the Emirates still fresh, but Liverpool at home represents a bigger kettle of fish, the importance of which is unlikely to be underestimated.

Team News

VDV may again miss out, and the list of other absentees remains longer than a gangly limb of Peter Crouch, but there is positive news in both the return to fitness of young Master Defoe, and the sparkling efforts of Aaron Lennon on Wednesday night. If both he and Bale could hit top form simultaneously cracks would probably appear in the High Road N17 as Mother Earth struggles to cope with the thrill of it all. The bubble will burst eventually, but I have faith in our heroes to maintain the winning habit for at least one further week.

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Spurs – Liverpool Preview: In Conversation With A Top Liverpool Blog

Ahoy-hoy! Still in triumphant spirits I hope? Floating hither and thither about your business aboard Cloud Nine? Excellent stuff.A more rigorous examination of the potential pitfalls and glories of Sunday’s encounter is imminent on this very corner of the interweb, but until then do pour yourself a cheeky little something from your finest bottle of bourbon, and have a look yonder. The Liverpool Offside is to football blogs on the red half of Merseyside what Mrs Van der Vaart is to footballing WAGs the world over. With Spurs – Liverpool on the horizon, The Liverpool Offside and All Action, No Plot settled down to chew the fat, and if you click right here can indulge in the entire ruddy conversation!

If that doesn’t whet your appetite then the first exchange probably won’t either, but here it is anyway:

The Liverpool Offside: I have it on good authority that Gareth Bale is in fact more powerful than seven Super Messis and that his merest glance can destroy worlds, or at the very least Brazilan fullbacks, a species of footballer we find ourselves in possession of. I have also been lead to believe that he will be sold to Guangzhou FC in January. Is there any truth to this? 

AANP: ‘Tis well known around the lilywhite half of North London that Gareth Bale’s curious appearance is due to the fact that, like most deities, in his natural form he exists as beams of light radiating in all directions. In order to fit in amongst the mere mortals of the Premiership he has adopted an outer shell that in truth only partially resembles your average human. Young Master Bale really is in quite humdinging form, his every touch currently meriting inclusion on a highlights reel. As he is yet to be infected by The Curse Of The WAG, I suspect he will hang around these parts for at least one more season, but thereafter the bidding could well begin in earnest, alas.Read the rest, here

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Spurs 3-0 Werder Bremen: Have You Ever Seen Anything Like It?

How surreal. If there were a worry prior to kick-off it was that following the euphoria of Saturday our heroes might be a little too complacent, and simply stroll through this one. And in truth, they were indeed a tad complacent and most certainly did stroll through – yet it was of little consequence. Can anyone remember a match of such magnitude being so mind-bogglingly easy for Spurs?Bremen: Awful 

It made no sense, but then very little did last night. To see Spurs cruising through in such untroubled fashion was almost ineffably peculiar, and the attitude of the Germans simply added to the confusion. Only if the heavens had opened and the players been soaked to the skin could Bremen have looked more forlorn and less motivated. (Although that blonde attacking chap did a good Modric impression throughout.)

A strange old evening for sure. There have not been too many occasions on which I have lamented the fact that Jenas has been forced to depart early, yet he has been in relatively steady form in recent weeks and made an eye-catchingly positive start last night, so I rather felt for the chap when he limped off. Moreover, with Hudd off radar for a few months we can ill-afford to lose another central midfielder for any length of time.

That said, this was one of the best days Sergeant Wilson has had in months. Every tackle seemed perfectly-executed, and (almost) every pass distributed simply and accurately. Further curiosity was to be had in the serenading of William Gallas with the strains of “Yiddo! Yiddo!”, as he effortlessly outmuscled the German mob. In so many respect things are a-changing at the Lane these days.

The Cream of a Mighty Impressive Crop 

That said, it was the usual scintillating stuff from young Master Bale, who added a Cruyff-turn to his super-human repertoire. Personally I am convinced that he was actually aiming for the cross-bar with that second-half free-kick, for the very best players set themselves those sorts of challenges, and as for the penalty – well, like forearm tattoos and the pre-match huddle, missing from the spot is just a trend amongst the current crop of heroes in lilywhite. It will pass.

Crouch’s Grinning Visage 

And while I’m grumbling, perhaps this is a good opportunity to draw attention to the manner in which my heart-rate quickens whenever Benny Assou-Ekotto goes near the ball. He is not a particularly bad player, simply maddeningly lackadaisical about just about everything he does. I’m not sure there has ever been another Spurs player at whom I so constantly want to bellow “CONCENTRATE, you loon,” as he attempts shoulder-dinks and the like on the edge of his own penalty area, whilst working assiduously to pick out opposition players with every pass.

Strange Times at White Hart Lane

All things considered however this was probably as serene a Tottenham victory as I can remember. It may not prove the most thrilling of our commemorative DVDs, but it is probably worth purchasing simply for the variety of rare bonus features thrown in – a clean sheet, a sprightly Aaron Lennon, a Kranjcar cameo and, taken in its entirety, a Tottenham performance that was just about the epitome of professionalism. Admittedly Bremen were woeful, but we threw away a two-goal lead against them before, and conceding at any point until we scored our third (the 80th minute) would have made for a nervy finish. Instead we were dominant and efficient from start to finish – I frankly cannot remember the last time I ever saw that from Spurs. Whatever next?

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Spurs – Werder Bremen Preview: Last Ever Champions League Night at the Lane?

It has been so much fun watching l’Arse fall apart at the seams over the last few days that I had almost forgotten we have our latest Biggest Game In Recent Memory tonight. Victory tonight would guarantee qualification to the knock-out stage of all things, and another chance for ‘Arry to shoehorn a mention of “Two-Points-Eight-Games” into his post-match press rounds. Of course in theory if things go awry on the pitch tonight – and off-pitch in the coming months – it could actually be White Hart Lane’s last ever Champions League night, which is a slightly gloomy thought. That really is a worst-case scenario however, for it seems far likelier that one way or t’other we will be reconvening in the spring for more of this floodlit revelry.These continue to be heady times for the Band-Aid manufacturers of N17, as Bale, VDV and Kranjcar are the latest injury doubts. In fact the curse of wearing a Spurs shirt and promptly collapsing in a bloodied, mangled heap has even reached AANP Towers (broken foot in Monday’s 5-a-side, since you ask). As it happens, on paper at least our team retains a look of some adequacy, for 12 months ago we would have fancied our chances with Lennon – Jenas – Palacios – Modric lining up across the midfeld. Moreover Defoe is back, looking sharp and sprightly, and now having added Aerial Bohemoth to his list of attributes, judging by his performance on Saturday. This being the Champions League, and they being foreign opposition, tonight ought also to see the transformation once again of Peter Crouch from gangly halfwit whose only value is in assisting defensively at set-pieces, to unplayable goalscoring machine who leaves opposition defenders gibbering in awe, unable to fathom which limb they should approach first.

Apparently Bremen’s recent form has been of the variety to leave their fans rushing for the nearest high ledge off which to hurl themselves, but if they are in the Champions League they can pack a punch, and in the second half in Germany they made us all sweat. No doubt they will come armed with some sort of stifling, hard-working game-plan, and if we really are minus both Bale and VDV, as well as Hudd, our attacking prowess might be a little more laboured than that to which we are accustomed.

Nevertheless, Champions League nights at the Lane have so far tended to result in goals a-plenty, at least one dodgy penalty and a handsome victory, so I anticipate that it will be a cheery mob crowding the White Hart Lane train platform come 10pm tonight.