Never mind Saturday’s match, the games I find myself looking ruefully back upon are those at home to Stoke, Wolves and Hull, way back in the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness. Oh for those eight points now…
Back to the Sunderland game, and something of a whimper with which to finish the five-game winning streak. With Sergeant Wilson passed fit and Defoe back in the squad, history will probably suggest that we ought to have fared a little better, but the first-minute goal completely befuddled our heroes, who appeared to spend the following 44 minutes just trying to stagger through to half-time. That first half was not far short of total gubbins, our lot trundling round with lead in their boots and a vacuum between the ears. While the Sunderland brigade were all over us like a rash every time we had possession, when roles were reversed we carefully kept a five-yard distance from them whenever the ball was at the feet of one of their number. Ignominy duly ensued.
The second half at least saw the Urgency and Inventiveness dials turned up a few notches, but let’s face it, clawing back two-goal deficits has never really been our forte. We can certainly throw away a two-goal advantage in some style, but I’m not sure anyone believed there was any way back at 2-0 down. All the more frustrating then that, having survived numerous Darren Bent penalties, Kenwyne Jones’ quite spectacular air-kick and the disallowed Ferdinand goal, we pulled one back and looked to have the momentum for an unlikely comeback. Hopes thus raised, they were duly dashed by the concession of that third goal, from straight out of the Van Basten scrapbook.
A Brief AANP Analysis of the Spot-Kicks
First penalty – A little unfortunate for the boy Walker, given that the ball flew at him at around 100 miles per hour, but his arm was away from his body, and as such the decision was understandable.
Second penalty – Ill-advised of Modders to leave his leg a-dangling like that in the area, but by jiminy Fraizer Campbell threw himself over it with some gusto.
Thrid penalty – Again, ill-advised of Sergeant Wilson to dive in thus, for any sliding challenge inside the area has to be pretty immaculately timed - but there really did not appear to be much in the challenge.
That said, Crouch’s hands appeared to be on the defender’s shoulders when he leapt for our goal. No complaint from the Sunderland mob, but I’ve certainly seen our beanpole penalised for that sort of leverage technique in the past.
Elsewhere On The Pitch
Bale was not up to his usual sky-high standards, but if anyone is entitled to an off-day it is he. Young Walker got himself into a muddle on more than one occasion, while on the other flank BAE’s performance was also far from watertight. Gomes at least put a smile on our faces, and has quietly gone about making himself one of our best and most consistent players of the season.
All things told it was a pretty miserable day’s work. Curses. Five wins and a defeat from our last six games remains a decent record, but it’s not really about past form any more is it? Six games remain, and this is turning into a straight shoot-out with Man City, whose thrashing of Burnley smeared salt into the wound by denting our goal difference advantage. For added flavour it now looks increasingly like we need to win at least one of the games against l’Arse and Chelski. If we do make fourth we will have ruddy well earned it.
Gary Mabbutt will be signing copies of Spurs’ Cult Heroes for the masses this Thursday (8th April), from 12.30pm, at Waterstones Leadenhall Market, City of London.
(If you can’t make this, fret ye not – further signings by Mabbutt will take place:
Waterstones Stevenage - Saturday 24 April, 12 noon;
Waterstones Walthamstow - Saturday 8 May, 1pm)
Spurs’ Cult Heroes, is now available in the Spurs shop, all good bookshops and online (at Tottenhamhotspur.com, as well as WHSmith, Amazon , Tesco, Waterstones and Play).
You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, follow on Twitter here
Not exactly sure what the lyrics are to the Champions League anthem (the telly-box at AANP Towers can only ever pick up unspecifiable high-pitched warbling, until that final chorus of “The Chaaaaaampions”) but while watching this midweek’s shenanigans, AANP dreamt the dream – the dream that next season I would not just try to fathom the lyrics from the comfort of my living-room, but actually at the Lane. Just imagine hearing that music blare out in our own little corner of North London. Imagine looking on with pride as our lot are torn to shreds by the cream of Europe. Admittedly we would need to negotiate Shakhtar or someone in the August qualifying round first, but the dream remains – a couple of months hence, it really could be us…
12 Points?
‘Arry’s walking wounded have seven games left, and even AANP has entered into the fun and games of calculating potential points totals for the season’s end. Although the specifics are up for debate, my complex scientific methodology - involving the fingers and thumbs of both hands - estimates that around another 12-13 points ought to be enough.
Us (58 points)
Sunderland (a)
Arse (h)
Chelski (h)
Man Utd (a)
Bolton (h)
Citeh (a)
Burnley (a)
Citeh (56 points)
Burnley (a)
Birmingham (h)
Man Utd (h)
l’Arse (a)
Villa (h)
Us (h)
West Ham (a)
Liverpool (54 points)
Birmingham (a)
Fulham (h)
West Ham (h)
Burnley (a)
Chelski (h)
Hull (a)
Realistically, we should take six points from Bolton and Burnley; one more (at least) from City away; goodness only knows what the l’Arse-Chelksi-Utd triple-whammy will produce – but could we grab three more tomorrow?
In theory a win at Sunderland seems a manageable task, if a little tricky, but with the absentee list now including (deep breath) Dawson, Corluka, King, Woodgate, Lennon, Hudd, Jenas and quite possibly Palacios, AANP will personally hand a medal to somebody somewhere if we toddle back from the Stadium of Light with a nice shiny victory to our name.
Team News
At the back Kaboul and Bassong are likely to be the pair charged with keeping Darren Bent at arm’s length. There’s a headline in there somewhere for Bent, and having prompted much mirth at the Lane earlier this season with his penalty miss, one suspects he will give his right arm for a goal tomorrow. The makeshift look to the back-four will be completed by the boy Walker, who will be in for a tougher test at right-back than he faced on debut last week.
The midfield, potentially comprising Bale, Modders, Kranjcar and Bentley, ought to possess just enough technique and trickery to hold on to possession for the entire 90 minutes – handy, as there is not a ball-winner in sight. Fingers crossed that Sergeant Wilson’s abductor strain clears up by 3pm, but the prognosis, apparently, is not particularly rosy. If any of that midfield four knows how to tackle, tomorrow would be a marvellous time to give a few demonstrations.
All cobbled together rather hastily then, but in attack at least our cup runneth over, with Defoe now fit to join his three chums. AANP wonders if ‘Arry might be tempted to compensate for the lack of a midfield ball-winner by including Gudjohnsen in the starting line-up, to allow us to switch to 4-5-1 as necessary.
No time to feel sorry four ourselves about the injury-list – or indeed to congratulate ourselves on five successive wins. Tomorrow will not make or break the season, but the menality here at AANP Towers is that a team of Champions League standard ought to gain a draw at least from a trip to Sunderland.
Gary Mabbutt Book Signing – Saturday 3rd April, 12pm, Waterstones Hemel Hempstead
Self-explanatory really - Gary Mabbutt will be signing copies of Spurs’ Cult Heroes for the masses this Saturday, from 12 noon, at Waterstones Hemel Hempstead.
(If you can’t make this, fret ye not – further signings by Mabbutt will take place:
Waterstones Leadenhall Market, City of London - Thursday 8 April 12.30pm;
Waterstones Stevenage - Saturday 24 April, 12 noon;
Waterstones Walthamstow - Saturday 8 May, 1pm)
Spurs’ Cult Heroes, is now available in the Spurs shop, all good bookshops and online (at Tottenhamhotspur.com, as well as WHSmith, Amazon , Tesco, Waterstones and Play).
You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, follow on Twitter here
A curious one, this. Back in the days of yore, when Luka Modric limped off against Birmingham, I don’t think anyone foresaw things panning out quite this way. Robbie Keane undroppable, wingers treated like lepers, long-ball upon long-ball. We’re muddling through, but the sooner both the Croatian genius and Lennon return, the better.
It’s A Legal Requirement
I don’t know which crack team of legal masterminds Robbie Keane hired to put together his contract, but I want them on my side come my next appraisal and salary review. He could have a leg amputated over the next few days and he’d still be picked. It’s the law.
Not that Keane is necessarily the fall-guy for the derby defeat last week – just about everyone was culpable that day, and any one of 11 could have been dropped. However, the 4-3-1-2 adopted by ‘Arry seemed at best a curious choice at kick-off. With Bentley, Bale and Kranjcar all left shivering on the bench, the various members of the White Hart Lane Detective Agency were each reaching the same conclusion – it was done to accommodate Keane.
I suppose that in ‘Arry’s head prior to kick-off it must have seemed a thing of genius – something like a midfield diamond, with Hudd pulling the strings at its base, and Keane working off the little-and-large front pair. On paper it had everything.
Wide-Boys
On grass unfortunately, it was an unsightly mess. The creative nous of Jenas, Hudd and Palacios extended to the all-too-familiar procession of long balls into orbit for the beanpole. As I craned my neck for the umpteenth time, the same point kept nagging away: why don’t we go wide? Alas, the question took me back to a scene from the cracking Red Dwarf…
CAT: Why don’t we drop the defensive shields?
KRYTEN: A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws. One, we don’t have any defensive shields, and two, we don’t have any defensive shields. Now I realise that, technically speaking, that’s only one flaw but I thought it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice.
To the left and right great swathes of turf lay unsullied by human feet, our wingers having been pointedly omitted altogether from the game-plan. The only semblance of width came from full-backs BAE and Charlie, neither of whom have ever exactly been fêted for their capacity to bomb up and down the flanks. With no genuine wingers on the pitch, too often we ended up back on board the long-ball train.
A Gold Star To Our Match-Winner
Uninspiring stuff then. The early goal was a bonus (coming, incidentally, from a rare cross from the flanks) and we had reason to bow gratefully to the White Hart Lane woodwork.
Keane and Hudd are the names on the scoresheet, but make no mistake, Gomes was our match-winner. A penalty save makes for an obvious headline, but it was one of a number of cracking saves in each half, worth a couple of goals. If things aren’t clicking in midfield (and they rarely do at the moment, without Lennon and Modders) it’s mightily reassuring to know that that the last line of defence is on top of his game. What a difference a year makes.
Darren Bent’s Comedy Show Returns To The Lane
AANP Towers was not the only abode at which the prospect of Darren Bent’s return inspired some dread. He’s no Jimmy Greaves, but there seemed to be a horrendous inevitability about him returning with a goal. When the penalty was awarded – poor Bent having been quite blatantly chopped in half, and possibly also stamped on, by Gomes - the nation’s headline writers presumably rubbed their hands in glee. Moreover, had Sunderland scored at that point, we would have a right struggle on our hands to secure three points.
Gloriously however, it was a return to the bad old days for Dazza. There are goals, and wins, but with all the history and pre-match hype, Gomes’ save from Bent’s penalty – and the mini-carnival it prompted in the stands - ranks as one of the highlights at the Lane so far this season.
Perhaps a little harsh on young Mr Bent to be tormented quite so mercilessly (references to Sandra Redknapp amongst those gleefully raining down after the penalty miss), given that he top-scored for us, rarely sulked and generally beavered away in lilywhite. Nevertheless, it was riotous fun, and after having seen Bent perfect the look of disbelief through numerous hopeless misses in lilywhite, it was most satisfying to see him strike that pose once more, in opposition colours.
Darren Bent’s Twitter Revenge
(It does not seem coincidence that no sooner do I resume the mockery of Monsieur Bent, then the AANP Twitter account gets hacked, with spam fired off in all directions in the good name of AANP. Sincere apologies if you were one of those on the receiving end; the problem, I think, has been resolved.)
Crisis Over
The penalty save may have been the turning-point, but the half-time switch to more orthodox 4-4-2, followed by the introduction of Krancjar for Keane, also helped steady the good ship Tottenham. By the end of the game we were even putting together the occasional slick passing move.
And a random point of note - what on earth is that party-trick Assou-Ekotto keeps showing off? The one where he leaps horizontally three feet in the air and scissor-kick volleys backwards? It’s very fancy, and actually turned out to be quite effective, just rather a bizarre sight.
It’s the mark of a championship-winning team to win when not playing particularly well. This was not vintage Spurs, but the win hauls us out of our crisis (relax… I jest). The three points do keep us very much in the hunt for fourth, and performances will improve as our key attacking outlets return. While it is always exciting to see what whacky strategy will be deployed each week to make up for the absence of Modric, I think we’ll breathe easier once the little fella returns.
Apologies to all who received Twitter spam from AANP this week, after the account was hacked by computer-box deviants. AANP on Twitter here – now cleansed and refreshed – and the Spurs Cult Heroes - AANP Facebook fan group here
And as ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the featured players in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here
Are we a club in crisis? While I hate to disappoint the doom-mongers and mischievous press-men, it is a little too hasty to go down that route just yet.
Come the full-time whistle we ought to have a clearer idea of where we stand. Naturally, this being White Hart Lane, moderation is not welcome. Our fortunes tomorrow will swing wildly one way or t’other, either back on track to challenge the top four, or sliding irreversibly towards mid-table obscurity and worse. Such is life at the Lane.
We’re Doomed I Tell Ye, DOOMED
Two wins in seven ain’t great, and consecutive league defeats – in darned shoddy manner, at home to Stoke, and away to the Woolwich goons – add to a damning case from the prosecution. If we can forget temporarily the league table, the evidence clearly points to a disaster wrapped in a shambles inside a crisis. Knives are sharpened, and the media in particular are a-stabbing. Frivolity aside however, another defeat tomorrow, at home to Sunderland, would make this more than just a blip.
Relax. We’re Fine. Chill, Winston.
That said, after ten games, we are just about where we would expect to be. The defeats to Man Utd and l’Arse were soul-destroying in manner, but not especially unexpected. But for the loss at home to Stoke, I’d venture that just about every result so far this season has gone according to expectations, and fifth place at this stage is a decent place to be, particularly with top-quality players to return.
We’re not as good as the top three, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. We’re competing for fourth, and will continue to do so as long as we show that the Stoke defeat was an anomaly. Until Stoke we were generally picking up points against the mid-table/bottom-half teams, and this trend needs to be continued throughout the season and beginning tomorrow.
Good News From The Fixture-List
This could actually be the start of something wonderful. We don’t play the top three again (in the league) until next April. Now while I am not yet quite so naive to suggest that we’ll go unbeaten from November to April, taken one game at a time there’s nothing in there to fear - except that irresistible urge programmed into so many of our troops, to revert without warning to kamikaze mode. Nobody knows quite from whom the decision will come, or when it will be taken, but from Gomes to Defoe they all seem to have the ingrained capacity to disturb the peace with a random shot to the their own foot.
AANP’s Prayer For Tomorrow
After the Stoke debacle, the prayer of choice being humbly offered heavenwards is that we score early tomorrow, or at least score first. Without Modric (and possibly Lennon) we lack the je ne sais quoi to unlock a deep-lying, packed defence set on gaining a point from first minute to last (see Stoke). Score an early goal however, and we’ll be laughing. Well, maybe not laughing - being Tottenham, we’ll find a way to complicate things - but at least scoring an early goal will allow us space and counter-attacking opportunities.
I therefore find myself hoping that Sunderland have a go at us, or at least resist the urge to set up two banks of four, and then just sit back and repel. Should they venture forward (and the chances of this are obviously exponentially increased if we get the first goal) there will be a bit of space behind them to exploit. They will henceforth become putty in our hands, and we shall toy with them. As flies are to wanton boys shall the trailing Sunderland be to counter-attacking Tottenham. Then the final whistle will go and we’ll all live happily ever after, for a fortnight.
Worst-Case Scenario
We Spurs fans have turned the Ludicrous-and-Disproportionate-Howl-of-Anguish-and-Baying-for-Blood into an art-form. Another insipid defeat tomorrow would be like releasing a coiled spring of vitriol, and the hills will be alive with the sound of calls for the whole team to be sold, ‘Arry’s coaching staff sacked and football destroyed forever.
Place Your Bets
Darren Bent will score, ‘tis written in the stars.
As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the featured players in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here
You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here
