A curious one, this. Back in the days of yore, when Luka Modric limped off against Birmingham, I don’t think anyone foresaw things panning out quite this way. Robbie Keane undroppable, wingers treated like lepers, long-ball upon long-ball. We’re muddling through, but the sooner both the Croatian genius and Lennon return, the better.
It’s A Legal Requirement
I don’t know which crack team of legal masterminds Robbie Keane hired to put together his contract, but I want them on my side come my next appraisal and salary review. He could have a leg amputated over the next few days and he’d still be picked. It’s the law.
Not that Keane is necessarily the fall-guy for the derby defeat last week – just about everyone was culpable that day, and any one of 11 could have been dropped. However, the 4-3-1-2 adopted by ‘Arry seemed at best a curious choice at kick-off. With Bentley, Bale and Kranjcar all left shivering on the bench, the various members of the White Hart Lane Detective Agency were each reaching the same conclusion – it was done to accommodate Keane.
I suppose that in ‘Arry’s head prior to kick-off it must have seemed a thing of genius – something like a midfield diamond, with Hudd pulling the strings at its base, and Keane working off the little-and-large front pair. On paper it had everything.
Wide-Boys
On grass unfortunately, it was an unsightly mess. The creative nous of Jenas, Hudd and Palacios extended to the all-too-familiar procession of long balls into orbit for the beanpole. As I craned my neck for the umpteenth time, the same point kept nagging away: why don’t we go wide? Alas, the question took me back to a scene from the cracking Red Dwarf…
CAT: Why don’t we drop the defensive shields?
KRYTEN: A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws. One, we don’t have any defensive shields, and two, we don’t have any defensive shields. Now I realise that, technically speaking, that’s only one flaw but I thought it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice.
To the left and right great swathes of turf lay unsullied by human feet, our wingers having been pointedly omitted altogether from the game-plan. The only semblance of width came from full-backs BAE and Charlie, neither of whom have ever exactly been fêted for their capacity to bomb up and down the flanks. With no genuine wingers on the pitch, too often we ended up back on board the long-ball train.
A Gold Star To Our Match-Winner
Uninspiring stuff then. The early goal was a bonus (coming, incidentally, from a rare cross from the flanks) and we had reason to bow gratefully to the White Hart Lane woodwork.
Keane and Hudd are the names on the scoresheet, but make no mistake, Gomes was our match-winner. A penalty save makes for an obvious headline, but it was one of a number of cracking saves in each half, worth a couple of goals. If things aren’t clicking in midfield (and they rarely do at the moment, without Lennon and Modders) it’s mightily reassuring to know that that the last line of defence is on top of his game. What a difference a year makes.
Darren Bent’s Comedy Show Returns To The Lane
AANP Towers was not the only abode at which the prospect of Darren Bent’s return inspired some dread. He’s no Jimmy Greaves, but there seemed to be a horrendous inevitability about him returning with a goal. When the penalty was awarded – poor Bent having been quite blatantly chopped in half, and possibly also stamped on, by Gomes - the nation’s headline writers presumably rubbed their hands in glee. Moreover, had Sunderland scored at that point, we would have a right struggle on our hands to secure three points.
Gloriously however, it was a return to the bad old days for Dazza. There are goals, and wins, but with all the history and pre-match hype, Gomes’ save from Bent’s penalty – and the mini-carnival it prompted in the stands - ranks as one of the highlights at the Lane so far this season.
Perhaps a little harsh on young Mr Bent to be tormented quite so mercilessly (references to Sandra Redknapp amongst those gleefully raining down after the penalty miss), given that he top-scored for us, rarely sulked and generally beavered away in lilywhite. Nevertheless, it was riotous fun, and after having seen Bent perfect the look of disbelief through numerous hopeless misses in lilywhite, it was most satisfying to see him strike that pose once more, in opposition colours.
Darren Bent’s Twitter Revenge
(It does not seem coincidence that no sooner do I resume the mockery of Monsieur Bent, then the AANP Twitter account gets hacked, with spam fired off in all directions in the good name of AANP. Sincere apologies if you were one of those on the receiving end; the problem, I think, has been resolved.)
Crisis Over
The penalty save may have been the turning-point, but the half-time switch to more orthodox 4-4-2, followed by the introduction of Krancjar for Keane, also helped steady the good ship Tottenham. By the end of the game we were even putting together the occasional slick passing move.
And a random point of note - what on earth is that party-trick Assou-Ekotto keeps showing off? The one where he leaps horizontally three feet in the air and scissor-kick volleys backwards? It’s very fancy, and actually turned out to be quite effective, just rather a bizarre sight.
It’s the mark of a championship-winning team to win when not playing particularly well. This was not vintage Spurs, but the win hauls us out of our crisis (relax… I jest). The three points do keep us very much in the hunt for fourth, and performances will improve as our key attacking outlets return. While it is always exciting to see what whacky strategy will be deployed each week to make up for the absence of Modric, I think we’ll breathe easier once the little fella returns.
Apologies to all who received Twitter spam from AANP this week, after the account was hacked by computer-box deviants. AANP on Twitter here – now cleansed and refreshed – and the Spurs Cult Heroes - AANP Facebook fan group here
And as ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the featured players in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here
Are we a club in crisis? While I hate to disappoint the doom-mongers and mischievous press-men, it is a little too hasty to go down that route just yet.
Come the full-time whistle we ought to have a clearer idea of where we stand. Naturally, this being White Hart Lane, moderation is not welcome. Our fortunes tomorrow will swing wildly one way or t’other, either back on track to challenge the top four, or sliding irreversibly towards mid-table obscurity and worse. Such is life at the Lane.
We’re Doomed I Tell Ye, DOOMED
Two wins in seven ain’t great, and consecutive league defeats – in darned shoddy manner, at home to Stoke, and away to the Woolwich goons – add to a damning case from the prosecution. If we can forget temporarily the league table, the evidence clearly points to a disaster wrapped in a shambles inside a crisis. Knives are sharpened, and the media in particular are a-stabbing. Frivolity aside however, another defeat tomorrow, at home to Sunderland, would make this more than just a blip.
Relax. We’re Fine. Chill, Winston.
That said, after ten games, we are just about where we would expect to be. The defeats to Man Utd and l’Arse were soul-destroying in manner, but not especially unexpected. But for the loss at home to Stoke, I’d venture that just about every result so far this season has gone according to expectations, and fifth place at this stage is a decent place to be, particularly with top-quality players to return.
We’re not as good as the top three, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. We’re competing for fourth, and will continue to do so as long as we show that the Stoke defeat was an anomaly. Until Stoke we were generally picking up points against the mid-table/bottom-half teams, and this trend needs to be continued throughout the season and beginning tomorrow.
Good News From The Fixture-List
This could actually be the start of something wonderful. We don’t play the top three again (in the league) until next April. Now while I am not yet quite so naive to suggest that we’ll go unbeaten from November to April, taken one game at a time there’s nothing in there to fear - except that irresistible urge programmed into so many of our troops, to revert without warning to kamikaze mode. Nobody knows quite from whom the decision will come, or when it will be taken, but from Gomes to Defoe they all seem to have the ingrained capacity to disturb the peace with a random shot to the their own foot.
AANP’s Prayer For Tomorrow
After the Stoke debacle, the prayer of choice being humbly offered heavenwards is that we score early tomorrow, or at least score first. Without Modric (and possibly Lennon) we lack the je ne sais quoi to unlock a deep-lying, packed defence set on gaining a point from first minute to last (see Stoke). Score an early goal however, and we’ll be laughing. Well, maybe not laughing - being Tottenham, we’ll find a way to complicate things - but at least scoring an early goal will allow us space and counter-attacking opportunities.
I therefore find myself hoping that Sunderland have a go at us, or at least resist the urge to set up two banks of four, and then just sit back and repel. Should they venture forward (and the chances of this are obviously exponentially increased if we get the first goal) there will be a bit of space behind them to exploit. They will henceforth become putty in our hands, and we shall toy with them. As flies are to wanton boys shall the trailing Sunderland be to counter-attacking Tottenham. Then the final whistle will go and we’ll all live happily ever after, for a fortnight.
Worst-Case Scenario
We Spurs fans have turned the Ludicrous-and-Disproportionate-Howl-of-Anguish-and-Baying-for-Blood into an art-form. Another insipid defeat tomorrow would be like releasing a coiled spring of vitriol, and the hills will be alive with the sound of calls for the whole team to be sold, ‘Arry’s coaching staff sacked and football destroyed forever.
Place Your Bets
Darren Bent will score, ‘tis written in the stars.
As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the featured players in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here
You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here
”There would be something quintessentially Spurs about doing all the hard work and then gifting away the game on a plate, through one moment of madness.”
-AANP, yesterday
And sure enough…
It’s easy to forget that honours were fairly even in the early stages, as misplaced pass was matched by misplaced pass in a midfield absolutely jam-packed with bodies. While presumably not much of a spectacle to the neutral, we at least appeared relatively well organised. When called upon Gomes made a save that seemed to defy belief (it was suggested by one esteemed chum that Cudicini would not even have bothered trying to save it). It was not setting the world alight, but the game-plan was working.
Thereafter however, all the worst elements of Tottenham Hotspur FC came to the fore. Once upon a time a balding, ginger loon patrolled our defence, permanently liable to produce something like an over-the-shoulder-volleyed-own-goal without warning; and yesterday was like revisiting the days of Gross, Francis and Gary Doherty, as madness infected half a dozen in lilywhite, each of whom could barely wait to give the self-destruct button a good old thump.
Schoolboy defending? Complete absence of off-the-ball movement? Early resort to the long-ball? Lack of passion, effort, fight? Truly, this was the Tottenham of old.
Schoolboy Defending
First goal: Eminently preventable. Sloppy defending in allowing the cross; Ledley of all people was second best when it arrived; and a touch disappointing for Gomes to be beaten on his near post.
Second goal: Where to start? Plain careless from Sergeant Wilson, while Hudd ought to be subjected to a public thrashing for simply chickening out of a challenge. And Ledley, Ledley, Ledley. Flying in was reckless at best, with further errors compounding an unusually shoddy display. I suppose in ten years he’s entitled to one bad game. Credit to Fabregas for taking it well, but no team with top-four aspirations ought to just melt away like that in the face of a one-man attack.
Third goal: Oh for goodness’ sake…
There could have easily have been others too, Gomes saving twice from Eduardo, as our back-four dubiously experimented with the world’s most ramshackle offside trap.
Complete Lack of Off-The-Ball Movement
Yes, the midfield was congested, and yes, the priority in the early stages was safety-first; but these factors do not prevent movement off the ball. Not for the first time in recent weeks, it was pass and move without the move. I suspect some of them are still rooted to their positions on the Emirates turf even now.
We had plenty of possession, but whichever of our players found the ball at his feet would be offered precious few options, and as a result we were treated to the unholy sight of…
Early Resort To The Long-Ball
Plan B became Plan A far too early. By Jove I miss Luka Modric.
Lack of Passion, Effort, Fight
The body-language was utterly defeatist after the third goal. While 3-0 represents a mountain, two quick goals can hardly be described as beyond the realms of probability, and would have swung things right back our way. ’Arry curiously seemed to remain in his seat, rather than prowling the technical area and giving the players some food for thought – although as I watched on TV I may be doing him a disservice here. It did appear as if he had resigned himself to defeat pretty blinking early, and the players seemed to take their cue from him.
Moreover, if you don’t mind me banging a far older drum, these guys are paid shed-loads for their 90 minutes of work once or twice a week, so I demand to see them bust a gut each time they play, no matter what the score.
Patience Runs Out For Tow of AANP’s Favourite Sons
For what it’s worth, yesterday was also the straw that broke this camel’s back. The last vestige of patience has snapped at AANP Towers.
Jenas at least worked hard, but all the effort in the world does not mask the guy’s limitations as a central midfielder. And I can’t even be bothered to find a nice polite euphemism to describe Hudd’s performance. These two are simply not good enough if we want to challenge the top four (I suspect many will be tempted to tar the Barba-less Keane with this brush too). If we want to make the top six, beating the average Premiership fare en route, these chaps will do the job just fine. Our fixture-list in the coming months suggests presents a stretch of winnable games, and I suspect that Jenas and Hudd will trot out some decent performances in that time.
However, against Man Utd, Chelski and l’Arse they are not good enough. As long as they remain our first choices in central midfield, we will remain second-best against these teams.
Perspective
Nothing beats a good diatribe, and one league win in six sounds bad, but when the dust settles it is worth remembering that the situation is far from critical. Recent weeks perhaps prove that we remain a work in progress, but we nevertheless retain a realistic chance of finishing in the top four. This is a marked improvement on previous seasons, and is something for which we’d have settled back in August. We may be a level below the top three, but I fancy our chances against the rest. Liverpool continue to stumble, and imminent games against Man City and Villa are crucial, while the returns of Defoe, Lennon and above all Modric will make a world of difference.
As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here
You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here
Normally the points in this fixture are rather an irrelevance, but this time there is more at stake than just bragging rights. The sides go into the game separated only by goal difference, and the three points up for grabs could prove crucial come May. Ultimately, league position is the gauge, and this season for a change we have a realistic chance of finishing above l’Arse. Our squad is much improved, a degree of consistency has been added and player for player there isn’t much to choose between the two teams, even in the absence of our pint-sized attacking triumverate. Plus, unlike the last time we challenged them, Paul Stalteri is now nowhere near the squad. Irrespective of the result tomorrow, the gap has narrowed and come the end of the season we could well finish higher than them.
I earnestly suggested all this to my l’Arse-supporting colleague at lunch today, and while he nodded politely enough he could not disguise a smirk. Which speaks volumes.
The Good News
The good news is that Ledley is back. “Good news” is an understatement, for these are almost certainly the three greatest words in the English language.
Woodgate may be available; Crouch – threatening a robot celebration if he does the business tomorrow - has a hat-trick to his name against l’Arse, in his previous incarnation as a scouser; while Bentley must have gazed at his reflection in the White Hart Lane mirrors even more adoringly than usual after his excellent performance as Lennon’s deputy on Tuesday, against Everton. Full-strength we may not be, but strong nevertheless.
The Usual Grumble
As ever, the grumblings of unease emanating from AANP Towers relate to our central midfield. ‘Arry will presumably have to pick one of Hudd and Jenas to partner Sergeant Wilson in midfield, with Hudd possibly the favourite, having been preferred last week. Prayers are fervently being offered around these parts that he uses this game as the springboard to unbounded amazingness. Rip-roaring displays of sensational passing are all very well when we’re two up against Premiership also-rans, but I struggle to recall him doing it in the biggest games. Now would be a corking time to right that wrong.
Curiously, for a man so uniquely capable of inspiring a thousand foul-mouthed tirades from his own fans, Jenas has a rather impressive pedigree against l’Arse. A couple of years back he scored a lovely last-minute equaliser at the Lane; and a year ago almost to the day he produced an absolute blinder at the death in the 4-4 game, the sort of goal about which pundits and fans alike would been raving all season if scored by anyone who wasn’t Jermaine Jenas.
I also recall, with some bewilderment, that there was a brief period under Wendy Ramos when Jenas grew his hair and became awesome. He genuinely looked like he had indeed stepped up a level, and his feats included the first goal in the 5-1 spanking of l’Arse. It proved the exception rather than the norm in his career, but provides some cause for optimism.
Things I’d Like To See on Saturday: Absence of Kamikaze
As mentioned above, player for player the two teams are tightly matched, by which rationale we do have a decent chance; yet I still shudder uncontrollably with an uneasy sense of foreboding. Pessimism is a cloak that fits rather snugly at AANP, and it is not especially difficult to envisage one of our number succumbing to a sudden kamikaze urge and doing something magnificently ill-advised.
My wish-list for this week therefore comprises things I don’t want to see happening. Like Sergeant Wilson picking up two reckless yellow cards. Or Robbie Keane having a penalty saved. Or Gomes dropping a clanger. There would be something quintessentially Spurs about doing all the hard work and then gifting away the game on a plate, through one moment of madness.
I was going to end with a little SWOT analysis of our opponents, but then I realised I don’t actually care about them. Instead, have another viewing of Bentley’s greatest moment in lilywhite.
As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here
You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here
We’re great when we’re winning. Opponents are forced to push forward, and we duly pick them off on the break, with the clinical precision of a trained sniper (until Keane starts stumbling over his own feet). We have the players, including those on the fringes of the squad, to counter with pace and inventiveness, on top of which it makes for a cracking spectacle.
It doesn’t really solve the problem thrown up on Saturday, of what to do when the opposition sits deep and the opening goal is impossible to come by; but that’s for another day. Most neutrals would verify - when we score first, we’re a great team. It was honours even in the opening exchanges last night; but once we had our goal, Everton pushed forward and we look ever more potent on the break.
Personified By Hudd
Spurs’ fortunes were personified by young Hudd. (And by that I don’t mean we looked hungry, stop sniggering at the back.) In the opening exchanges I mused that the blighter was looking a little lost, bereft of any space in which to do what he does. It was only when we had our noses in front and the pattern of the game changed that we in general, and Hudd in particular, looked menacing. He improved thereafter, and by the end of the game it was exhibition stuff from the big fella.
It all worked out swimmingly, with even Assou-Ekotto indulging in some party tricks by the end of the game. Although we were well worth a two-goal victory, Everton had their chances, but, pleasingly, Gomes was equal to all of them. Dawson, again was immense at the back, while Sergeant Wilson snarled and harried like any good guard dog should.
Plenty in Reserve
And so to our reserves. I read in one newspaper prior to the game, that a club’s strength can be measured by the depth of its first team-squad. By that criterion and last night’s performance, our biceps positively ripple.
Bentley: Imagine how good Bentley and his hair gel would be under a manager who loved him and in a team which made him their focal point. No-one doubts his technique and skill, but rarely has it been put to particularly good use in lilywhite. Yesterday however, while a little hit-and-miss in the early stages, he ended up turning a performance I am tempted to label “virtuoso”.
The control was immaculate, stepovers effective, crosses generally dangerous and work-rate exemplary. Different sort of player from Aaron Lennon, but with the ickle one unavailable for Saturday, it’s nice to know that we have ourselves a Bentley in good form. He may perhaps have got a little carried away with all the party tricks but the ability to beat a man is quite a weapon to have. On those frustrating occasions when a defence needs unlocking, he at least carries the potential to jink past a defender and make some space (a quality that could hardly be attributed to Hudd). On another day, as we are all well aware, those constant Maradonna impressions will come to nothing and he will be maddening to watch, but last night it worked.
Bale: Good to see Bale looking up to speed as well, particularly in a midfield position which I think suits him better than full-back. The memories of his first few matches in lilywhite, under Martin Jol (blessed be his name), linger long in the AANP memory, so it is with pleasure that I note he turned in a good performance. A genuine left-footer on the left of midfield gave us a nice shape, and it’s a handy alternative to Kranjcar.
Pav: Poor old Pav. Not his night, was it? Suspicion, bordering on certainty, remains that we’ll be bidding him “до свидания” come January.
Hutton: When God made Corluka, it appears that he out of curiosity he took all the ingredients and reversed them, to see what the polar opposite would look like. The result was Alan Hutton – a quick, bald, attack-minded right-back who, one suspects, does not give an awful lot of thought to defending. He did well enough, and the combo with Bentley worked well.
Would Have Been So Much Simpler If Keane Had Blasted It Into A Corner
By golly, when Hudd gets them right his shots look likely to tear the net from its moorings, yesterday being a case in point. Couldn’t help but note that his expression on scoring was that of a man who felt he had been copping unfair flak from AANP the previous day…
As for the penalty – what a glorious throwback to the days of manic playground football, when the next-goal-wins rule comes into play and all hell breaks loose amidst a ruck of bodies and two jumpers. From spot-kick to net-bulger there were six efforts on goal. Crikey. All that was missing was the Benny Hill theme tune. Poor old Tim Howard is entitled to feel a little aggrieved, after making more saves in ten seconds than your average Premiership ‘keeper will make in two full games against Stoke, and credit is due to Keane for some nifty technique in finally scoring; but that does not excuse various other moments of profligacy on his part. For the love of God, sharpen up man, before the visit to l’Arse.
Happy days then – a convincing win, clean sheet, back-slaps all round. Chelski, l’Arse and Man Utd remain in the Carling Cup, but another trip to Wembley is conceivable.
As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here
You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here
Not so much a game of two halves as a game of two thirds and a third third. We seemed to be cruising serenely after an hour or so – but then that wouldn’t be the Tottenham way, would it? Cue a wild thump of the self-destruct button, the halving of our lead and a daft sending off. The three points were eventually achieved in slightly nerve-jangling, harum-scarum style. Not for the first time I mused at the final whistle that Tottenham Hotspur ought to come with a health warning.
Comedy Gold
The game could have been wrapped up within the first ten minutes, as Defoe might have a had a hat-trick. It rather set the tone, as we were the better team in the first half, and not for the first time the presence of Ledley at the back made a world of difference. A couple of weeks ago away to Bolton, in the absence of Ledley the back-four resembled a bunch of strangers - all of whom were mightily suspicious of the round white thing - but yesterday, particularly in the first half, he had things well under control. There was one scare, when a Corluka mistake left our back-four badly out of position, but let that not distract from the resulting moment of pure comedy gold from the Portsmouth forward Dindane, blasting over an open goal from a yard out, the sort of chance even Sandra Redknapp would have snaffled up.
Other than that, Pompey were reduced to long-range shots in the first half, mainly from Boateng, who seemed determined to have a crack every time he touched the ball, no matter the angle, distance or scientific impossibility. Ledley looked typically regal in rising to head home the opener, and as mentioned, we sailed through the first half pretty serenely.
Hudd and Jenas
I had suggested in my preview that in the absence of Palacios and Modric this was a chance for Hudd and Jenas to step up and be counted, and in that first 45 the Hudd caught the eye, with some perfectly-weighted passes (in particular the first-time ball that set up Defoe’s shot off the post) and even the odd tough tackle.
Jenas did not run the show as he might have done, but ‘twas notable that on the one occasion on which he burst forward he set up Defoe’s goal. There’s a salutary lesson in there – I would like to see Jenas gamble like that more often. Just take a chance man, break into the opposition area and see what happens.
Complicating The Uncomplicated
Two-nil, and cruising. In a parallel universe there’s a Tottenham team who achieve such positions and proceed to see out the game with minimal fuss and flawless professionalism. Their fortunes are charted on the Spurs blog Generous Amount of Action, Strong Understanding of Plot. Back on planet earth, with half an hour to go we did a fine job of complicating the uncomplicated. Portsmouth scored through Boateng, inevitably (seems a shame to criticise Gomes after he made some awesome saves, but he might have done better with the goal), and where once Defoe might have bitten an opponent’s arm, this time he trod on his leg, and saw red. No real complaints about the sending-off – not the most vicious challenge ever, but daft and petulant, leaving the ref with little option - and ruling Defoe out of the North London derby in a fortnight.
For five minutes thereafter we actually upped a gear, but it soon turned into a bit of an Alamo, with Dawson and Palacios thrown on for security, and the cheery sight of five added minutes of injury time. Gomes produced three top-drawer saves, the first in particular, from Kaboul’s deflected free-kick, looks better on every viewing, while we could also be thankful for another piece of truly comical finishing from the boy Dindane.
In the final analysis it is a strange game to summarise - on balance, when it was eleven against eleven we looked good value for a win, and yet we had to rely on three brilliant saves and two missed open-goals from Portsmouth. Having had the game in the bag at half-time, we almost let it slip through sloppiness and lack of self-discipline. However, despite going down to ten men away from home we didn’t capitulate, and a quarter of the way through the season we remain comfortably ensconced in the top four. Whisper it, but the 2009/10 Tottenham vintage is really rather tasty.
Chris Waddle is the latest player to be featured in the forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes, and you are invited to share your memories of him here. As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the other featured players: Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here
(If you fancy following the progress of Spurs’ Cult Heroes you can do so on the Facebook fan group just about here)
Still reeling from the shock revelation that the word “gullible” had been removed from the dictionary, we at AANP Towers were sent scrambling to our official panic stations yesterday as news of ‘Arry’s alleged departure spread like wildfire. The panic button was hit, the lights flashed and the stern lady kept announcing “This is not a drill”.
Except it was. The irony of being strung along by an ultimately vacuous internet phenomenon is not lost on us at allactionnoplot.com.
Once we’d settled down and poured ourselves a few whiskies someone piped up to ask if this week’s episode of the surreal THFC All Action No Plot soap opera was going to feature a football match at any point. And as luck would have it…
Bolton May Chop Off Our Heads
Bolton away has traditionally been a worrying sight on the fixture-list. Always reminds me of that scene at the start of Gladiator when the messenger chap prances off on his horse with a message of goodwill to the uncouth barbarians – who respond by chucking his dismembered head back at Russell Crowe. I’ve always worried that we’ll try the fancy thing and they’ll hack us to pieces.
Fortunately however, the new improved Spurs circa 2009 has rather more fire in its belly, and has shown on a couple of occasions this season an ability to dig in and fight when the chips are down. Another win today would be further evidence of our ever-improving all-round game, and would reiniforce the growing belief that we belong amongst the loose pack of six or so atop the table. A win should be our target today.
Keane’s Critics, Defoe’s Mangled Hand
As always, the forward line provides the primary food for thought. Someone probably ought to break the news to Robbie Keane that rather than silence the doubters his four-goal haul seems only to have enraged them further. “By jiminy, why doesn’t he do it every week, and against better opposition, and without all that infernal pointing and shouting?” seems to have been the gist of the grumblings. If last Saturday was the first day in the rest of his Spurs career, then today is – well, it’s the eighth I suppose, but the point is that it’s a chance for him to consolidate last week’s good work.
Good heavens, exactly how hard was Defoe’s shot against Brian Jensen last week? He hit the ruddy thing with such force that after bouncing off the ‘keeper it flew back to complete mangle his hand, dislocating two fingers and breaking bones for good measure. I once had my wrist broken by a shot from a football, but that was a direct shot; this had rebounded off someone else yet was evidently still travelling. Couldn’t help wincing at the news that the Spurs staff were unable to pop his fingers back in at the time, the suggestion being that they tried and failed. Still, Defoe trained yesterday, which suggests that he’s in contention for today.
’Arry likes to select his forwards on a horses-for-courses basis, opting for the diddy-men last week to counter the big immobile Burnley centre-backs, so eyes are duly peeled for the approach adopted today.
Elsewhere
Elsewhere, Dawson may slot back into defence, with Hudd restored to midfield; and ‘Arry again has to decide between Gomes and Cudicini as the last line of defence. There are also fresh rumblings in a foreign, consonant-heavy language, to the effect that the rarely-sighted Pav will be out the exit door in a flash come January. And who could blame him?
A draw (remember them?) would not be a bad result, but we ought to set our sights higher today.
Glenn Hoddle is the latest Spurs great to be featured in the forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes, and you are invited to share your memories of him here. As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the featured players: Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here
Curiously, our most emphatic win in recent years was achieved without us ever really hitting top gear. There were some moments at the end of the first half when we played true champagne football, and Defoe might have finished off a couple of moves so pleasing on the eye they ought to have been put on canvass and stuck in a gallery. Aside from that however, it was generally a little sloppy and lacking in fluency. You know the sort of thing – mis-placed passes and lack of movement. It was most noticeable in the slightly lethargic start to the second half, which might have been punished by better teams.
Ah, who else but a Spurs fan could find room for complaint after a second five-goal salvo in a week? We may not have hit top gear, but there was no real need. While Jenas’ goal had a touch of fortune about it, we scored four others and created plenty more chances besides. The third goal effectively ended the contest, but I suspect we would have raised our game if it had been necessary to do so. Winning 5-0 when playing within ourselves is quite an achievement.
Keane Silences The Bloke Behind Me Who Was Laying Into Him In The First Half
Robbie Keane’s doubters have been given some food for thought. Scepticism about his finishing ability – much of which has emanated from AANP Towers, I must confess – was fairly emphatically addressed today, albeit after he had had saved a first half one-on-one. Another concern since he rejoined us has been that he spends too much time dropping into midfield, where he mixes industry with incessant moaning at anyone in his line of vision, rather than operating as one of a pair in attack. Indeed, at times in the first half he was at it again, buzzing dementedly around midfield areas; but this seemed to change once Defoe went off. Thereafter we were treated to the welcome sight of the Irishman rolling back the years and scampering straight up the middle at the head of the attack whenever we broke forward.
Fear not however, all ye Keane critics – while I’m not sure of the extent of Defoe’s injury, it can be assumed that he will retain his place in the team when fit, meaning that Keane will presumably revert back to his slightly deeper role, and there will be opportunities anew to moan, grumble and raucously curse the man. Hopefully though, he’ll never be stuck out on the left again.
First Impressions of Kranjcar
Our first chance to cast beady eyes on the boy Kranjcar. First impressions are that he is decent enough, without threatening ever to blow up anyone’s skirt. More Corluka than Modric, notably in that lumbering running style of a man attempting to get around while a rope around his waist drags behind him a set of tyres. He certainly seems happy enough to get forward, but his phobia of the touchline might need to be addressed, and his right-footedness leaves the team still looking a little lop-sided sans Modric.
Elsewhere On The Pitch…
I was pleasantly surprised to see Bassong start at the back. When he was stretchered off last week he looked so badly beaten up he seemed for all the world a man about to be euthanized – yet he was full of beans today, and from my vantage-point did not appear to put a foot wrong. Nor did Assou-Ekotto, although it was disappointing to see there was no foundation to rumours that he was once again sporting the ‘fro.
The Hudd just about coped with the rigours of central defence. Although culpable for the disallowed Burnley goal in the first half, he rather appeared to enjoy himself in the latter stages, bringing the ball out of defence with aplomb. I hesitate to suggest that he would handle the likes of Drogba and Torres with any comfort, but for the next few weeks he ought to do the job.
Cudicini had a rather wobbly moment however, his loss of concentration almost gifting Burnley a goal. With Gomes back to fitness, Cudicini’s every move will be under the microscope now. That said, ‘tis pleasing to note our first clean-sheet of the season.
By the closing stages it had turned into something of an exhibition match. Hudd started rolling out his Beckenbauer impressions. Bale was brought on to break his non-winning Premiership hoodoo. Dawson was ushered back into the fold. (Bentley was nowhere to be seen). Chas’n’Dave were honoured in fittingly unmelodic fashion. News of the Chelski result prompted another celebratory cheer. It may not have been a bravura performance, but we natives departed contentedly enough.
How The Blazes Did Burnely Beat Man Utd A Few Weeks Back?
Finally, a word or two on our vanquished opponents. A couple of weeks ago Man Utd came to town and were sublime; Burnely were ruddy awful. Quite how they beat the champions last month is beyond me, because at times they displayed basic technique so bad they resembled a pub team. If there was an opportunity to mis-kick they mis-kicked; if a pass could be mis-placed they duly pinged it miles off target. Presumably they are a much better team than they showed today, and we can expect a much tougher test at Turf Moor later in the season, but their efforts did much today to lull us into a quite appropriate sense of security. Still, our players had to trot out there and beat them, and did so with plenty to spare. Top-six form, at least.
Your memories are still welcomed here on Ossie Ardiles and Ricky Villa, the latest to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes. Feel free to contribute your memories – or browse those of others - on Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here, Gary Mabbutt here or Graham Roberts here
Two consecutive defeats it may be, but even the most pessimistic amongst us have struggled to make a convincing case for this being a crisis. Man Utd and Chelski are the best two teams in the country, and amongst the best handful in Europe. Losing to them is not exactly to be welcomed, but neither is it a cause for alarm. That we have lost two games on the bounce says more about the quirks of the fixture-list than any catastrophe at N17.
Losing at home to Burnley would be a slightly different kettle of fish however. For a team with aspirations of the top six and possibly more, home games against the newly-promoted ought to represent three points. A defeat here really would undo much of the good work of August, shunting us further towards mid-table and giving a signal to the doleful chap at the back to start ringing the alarm bells.
However, I do not really see this worst-case scenario transpiring. Any suggestion that the consecutive defeats had caused a crisis of confidence was quickly dispelled with the midweek mauling of Preston. In attack in particular, the impression is of a bunch of top-quality players chomping at the bit.
Square Building-Blocks, Triangle-Shaped Holes
On which topic, ‘Arry has a selection dilemma upfront today. Defoe presumably is first-choice, and the beanpole’s hat-trick deserves recognition, but our glorious leader is famously loath to drop Keane. I type this with a philosophical shrug of resignation, but I would not be surprised to see Keane back on the left of midfield. My one year-old nephew was the esteemed guest at AANP Towers last week, and I noted him at one point attempting unsuccessfully to force a luridly-coloured square building-block into a triangle-shaped hole on a larger toy (cue much pointing and shouting). Symbolic, eh? I would rather welcome the chance to see what Kranjcar can do on the left (or Giovani, although I presume he is unfit), but the air of foreboding remains that Keane will be accommodated by hook or by crook. ‘Arry might even go for a 4-3-3 variant, with BAE given responsibility for all left-flank attacking duties. Incidentally, not to put any pressure on the lad, but I also last week ascertained that my nephew is left-footed.
Time For Dawson To Prove Himself A True Jedi
Selction dilemma also in goal, with Gomes showing us his best and worst on his return on Wednesday. Central defence is a bit of a worry though. Dawson is back, thank goodness, but in the absence of Ledley – or indeed Woodgate – playing Obi Wan Kenobi to his Luke Skywalker I am a little worried as to how he will cope with the burden of being organiser-in-chief at the back. Daws often looks a colossus alongside Ledely, but has some history of headlessness without him. His partner today could be Corluka, but I suspect Hudd will be preferred, with the usual full-backs in place. I imagine there are three-legged tortoises that would fancy their chances of getting behind a defence comprising Hudd and Corluka, but for all this I suspect we’ll muddle through, simply by virtue of having such a potent attack. Three points please chaps.
Your memories are still welcomed here on Ossie Ardiles and Ricky Villa, the latest to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes. Feel free to contribute your memories – or browse those of others - on Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here, Gary Mabbutt here Graham Roberts here
If you want to save yourself time you might as well just cast your mind back to the first round tie away to Doncaster – five more goals, away from home, and despite the occasional early scare the gulf in class eventually told. Deja-vu all over again. It’s not the Tottenham I grew up with I tell ye. Instead of stumbling, slipping and generally making things unnecessarily complicated against lower-league opponents, we turned in a pretty clinical display. Frankly, I’m suspicious.
Crouch Makes His Case
Naturally enough, fans of the elongated one will now be clearing their throats again. You can’t argue with goals, and his first and in particular his third were well-taken. Imagine the media fawning if Ronaldo or Messi had scored that third.
And yet… The sentiment persists from over here that he is best deployed as Plan B for us. Hang on, hang on, hear me out. Against weaker opposition – lower league teams and even bottom-half Premiership sides – he will play well, and we will play well, and everyone lives happily ever after. I don’t’ mind him as Plan A on these occasions. But in the big games, against top four teams and also our main rivals for the top six, I’m not convinced he is the right man for the job, and a hat-trick against Preston is not a sufficiently convincing argument. He will still inadvertently encourage too many long balls, and against top teams rarely has same impact when on the pitch from the start as he does when introduced against tiring legs as a late impact-sub. Just an opinion mind, and the floodgates can now be considered officially opened for the plethora of angry voices arguing otherwise.
Elsewhere On The Pitch…
Giovani’s much-feted big opportunity rather fizzled out, through no fault of his own. One early moment of magic was swiftly followed by his injury, and one wonders when he will next appear in lilywhite. David Bentley also had a chance to impress, but his performance can be filed under the column market “sound” rather than “spectacular”. Encouraging to see Bale and Dawson back in the swing of things without too many alarms. We were also treated to the unusual sight of Robbie Keane poaching from close range. I had rather forgotten that the whole business of sticking away chances was within his remit. Slick finish it was too.
As in the previous round, the emphatic scoreline might have been very different had it not been for some smart goalkeeping in the early stages. It was a return to the good old days for Gomes, with the sublime and the ridiculous merrily co-habiting. If I may be pedantic, a clean-sheet would be nice at some stage, but as long as we outscore the opposition on a regular basis I won’t kick up a fuss.
Job Done
All told it was a very professional performance. Preston are no mugs, in good from near the top of the Championship, but we quelled them, scored early, and then treated them to a spot of spirit-sapping keep-ball in the second half. That second half mentality really did induce some approving head-nods and even some thigh-slaps from this quarter. It really took the sting out of the game, and was reinforced by the team turning superiority into goals. A third five-goal haul in a season barely six weeks old really is good stuff. These displays may have been against weaker opposition, but Spurs teams of the past have tripped up, and on the back of two defeats a ropey performance would have prompted some murmurs of concern. Job done. Bravo.
Your memories are still welcomed on Ossie Ardiles and Ricky Villa, the latest to be featured in Spurs’ Cult Heroes, a book looking at White Hart Lane legends, due out next spring. Feel free to leave your memories – or browse those of others – here, while those of others can also be perused/added to: Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here, Gary Mabbutt here Graham Roberts here
