All Action, No Plot

Just picking an entirely arbitrary number, it’s AANP’s (by no means exhaustive) nine-point wish-list for this afternoon’s trip to Wigan…

1. Same Old Same Old From Gomes

Watching l’Arse goalkeeper Lucas Fabianski pass his Three Stooges audition with flying colours this week gave a pleasant reminder that, for all our problems at the other end, between the sticks we are well-blessed. In generations to come AANP’s grandchildren will gather around and listen with disbelieving ears at tales of how calamitous Gomes was in his early days, but mercifully such an age is long passed.  The big Brazilian has been one of our best performers this season, and at the end of a week in which even such goalkeeping luminaries as Shay Given and Brad Friedel have erred rather prominently, it is good to know that our last line of defence is so secure. More of the same this afternoon please.

2. Domineering Performance From Hudd

Whatever the varying opinions of his contributions, it is beyond dispute that Hudd is first-choice centre-midfielder – so let’s see him play like one. Every week. All the best players have occasional off-days, but the big lad’s are far too frequent. Wigan away might not necessarily be the jolliest of cake-walks, but a central midfielder at a top-four team ought to dominate such fare.

3. Score The Next Ruddy Penalty We Are Awarded

Even if Sandra herself steps up, for goodness’ sake show some confidence and bury the blasted thing. It has been damningly suggested in various quarters that our heroes’ lack of mettle from 12 yards is indicative of a broader mentality throughout the team, a mentality that decrees we fail to beat inferior teams and choke at the sight of fourth place.

4. Give Us Back Our Modric

He’s been a changed man since returning from injury. It is understandable I suppose, but there appears to be an added timidity, and he is being muscled out of games before he has a chance to shine.

5. Law of the Ex

Sergeant Wilson is up against his former employers today, which typically is a signal for the man in question to get on the scoresheet, but I think we would settle for a goalless-but-imperious performance from our much-loved pitbull. His snap appears to be returning, and although his distribution is more often than not awry the good is outweighing the bad once more. Should Wigan spoil for a fight today, Palacios is the man to whom we will look to return the punches.

6. Striking Alternative

They are decent enough, but the Crouch-Defoe partnership does not really have anyone leaping off their seat and shrieking with joy unconfined. Murmurs of Pav returning to the fold at some point over the next week may just be mischievous ‘Arry-talk, but the prospect of the Russian linking with Defoe has an exciting ring to it.

7. The Return of Lennnon

Whispers had suggested that he may be up and running at some point this afternoon, although it now seems another week on the sidelines beckons. Not to denigrate the efforts of D. Bentley Esquire, but the absence of Lennon has been rather keenly felt. As there is a danger that we may be attaching a smidgeon too much weight upon his tiny little shoulders, for the moment I am content with the modest assumption that his return will instantly transform us into a free-scoring, irrepressible, non-stop attacking juggernaut, on a par with Brazil 1970, set to embark upon a 10-game winning streak that comfortably ensures a top-four finish. (In much the same way as I assumed that the return from injury of Modders, a month or so ago, would have a similar impact.) Should Lennon return and prove himself to be anything less than a shaven-eyebrowed Messiah there will be some deeply-furrowed brows around AANP Towers.

8. Turn Up at Kick-Off

Not least to fulfil the Sky TV obligations, but it would also be jolly nice if our heroes got stuck in from the off. As fully-paid professionals, trained for nothing else since childhood, it strikes me as mildly curious that they need to be reminded of their duties at half-time (as last week at Bolton). Pick up where we left off last week and things should turn out just peachy, but another classic AWOL first-half from Tottenham could leave us in that oh-so-familiar position of having to hammer relentlessly at a ten-man defence before trudging home with tails between legs.

9. Three Points

By hook, crook or penalties. Forget nine goals, just one more than the other lot will suffice. The momentum has disappeared from our season in the manner of a Jenas forward burst, pause, about-turn and backwards pass; but we are still very much in touch with the top-four chasers, and our current malady is nothing a little string of wins would not cure.

AANP’s first book, Spurs’ Cult Heroes, will be in shops from 6 March - but is available to pre-order now from Tottenhamhotspur.com, as well as WHSmith, Amazon , Tesco, Waterstones and Play

You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, follow on Twitter here

And as ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Martin Chivers here, Alan Gilzean here, Pat Jennings here, Cyril Knowles here, Steve Perryman here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jürgen Klinsmann here, David Ginola here, Paul Gascoigne here

Frustrating stuff. A couple of months ago I was fairly sanguine about points dropped at home, reasoning with sage, Yoda-like calm that as long as we kept playing well the goals and wins would eventually follow. Never folk to take decisive action if we could get away with thrusting our heads into the sand and waiting, we at AANP Towers reasoned that there was no need to panic - the problem would take care of itself.

Not so, it appears. Week after week we seem to turn in a strong performance but draw a blank, and as well as making for an unhappy trek down the High Road this is now beginning to derail the top-four push. The notion of turning White Hart Lane into a fortress seems to have been wildly misunderstood by our heroes, currently labouring under the misapprehension that it requires clean sheets for both sides. Future visitors to the Lane include Everton, Blackburn, Bolton and Pompey (as well as l’Arse and Chelski), and more ten-man lock-outs are on the agenda.

The team of monkeys here at AANP Towers has been hard at work brainstorming ideas as to what the devil we are doing wrong at the moment. And so, in no particular order…

Not Playing Good Football?

Mercifully we need not worry on this count. The standard of football remains high, the performance on Saturday varying between good and downright blinking excellent. Which leads me to wonder whether we need…

Luck?

I don’t subscribe to this view. Sometimes we get lucky (Bentley’s deflected free-kick against Fulham) and sometimes we don’t (Myhill’s heroics in goal for Hull) but failure to score at home to Wolves, Hull, Stoke and Villa is due to more than just bad luck. That said, on another day we might have been awarded a late penalty for the challenge on Defoe (although even if awarded I’m sure it would have been promptly saved).

A Different Forward-Line?

Controversial perhaps, as the problem seems to be that the opposition penalty area is just too darned crowded these days before we even get the ball to the front-two. Defoe’s raison d’être is simply to put the ball in the net when given a chance, and few are better at the art. Crouch has his limitations, but he had a decent enough game on Saturday, winning his fair share of headers and holding it up, giving us the option of the aerial route. As a combination, the pair work fairly well. However, I wouldn’t mind seeing Gudjohnsen given a chance to stretch his legs, and provide something a little different in attack, especially in those games in which the opposition back-line looks to have the measure of us.

A Dribbler?

C’est possible. A man who can produce a bit of trickery to take on two or three opponents might help to drag out of position those well-drilled defences that seem to be formed of row after row of resolute bodies. Whether we actually have any such player is a fresh problem. Taarabt and Giovani both had a few stepovers and nutmegs in their respective repertoires, but neither is around. Kranjcar occasionally gets his head down and weaves in and out, and as such is probably the best dribbler left at the club.

Lennon?

Bentley is doing a good job, but when it comes to Aaron Lennon, as that closely-cropped lady from the 80’s used to warble, nothing compares. For all the neat passing and technical ability, our team lacks pace. At the moment, opponents seem able to line themselves up in formation and repel. A burst of pace would help us actually get behind them and have a dig at their soft underbelly. Bale on the left gives glimpses of the panic this can cause in opposition ranks, always looking threatening when he hares down to the by-line.

Such hastily garnered suggestions are unlikely to go down in history as the footballing equivalent of neurosurgery, but are a selection of the wonderings swimming around the AANP mind. More pertinently, what solutions can ‘Arry provide? He may have assembled a coaching team to cover every eventuality, but, worryingly, after each shut-out he seems to repeat the same line, at least publicly, that he could not have asked any more of the players, and that they tried everything they could. Almost, one might suggest, as if he himself is out of ideas as to how to win these games. If only he had had a couple of capable and creative substitutes to whom he could have turned on Saturday…

A Grumble About Substitutes

It seemed a little strange that ‘Arry did not look to the bench for some fresh attacking inspiration. Retaining the on-pitch status quo would have made sense if all were going to plan and we were romping home, but circumstances rather strongly suggested that a case could have been made for a change or two. Each of Hudd, Modders and Bentley were performing fairly well without ever scything open the massed ranks of Villa defenders, yet Kranjcar and Gudjohnsen were left to twiddle their thumbs on the bench.

And while I’m having a grumble, here’s another point that struck me on Saturday - our ratio of goals-scored-from-corners to corners-taken must be appalling. The statistic, whatever it is, is all the worse for the fact that we have a whole army of big, sturdy six-footers marching forward for each corner these days.

Elsewhere On The Pitch

An honourable mention to Gomes, now one of the finest ‘keepers around. A cracking double-save in the first half crowned yet another solid all-round performance, secure on crosses and always keen to prompt attacks hastily. Sergeant Wilson showed again that his bite seems to be returning, but his doings when actually in possession remain erratic. There was also another good showing from the handsome young Welshman on the left on Saturday, doing all that was required defensively as well as offering his usual potency in attack.

So yet again we have to rely this week upon other sides to do us favours. Hull, unbelievably, obliged, turning over Man City, but Liverpool have, for this weekend at least, capitalised upon our failing. I still cannot see Villa lasting the pace in the race for fourth. Utterly bereft of attacking ideas, it seems the principal reason they remain in the hunt at present is their goalkeeper, the ever-magnificent Brad Friedel. However, we ought to be capable of stringing together a run of wins that would render academic the form of our rivals. A draw against Villa, while disappointing, is not calamitous, and the blow would be softened by a few consecutive wins in future weeks.

AANP’s first book, Spurs’ Cult Heroes, comes out in early March and is now available to pre-order from WHSmith, Amazon , Tesco, Waterstones and Play

You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, follow on Twitter here

And as ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Martin Chivers here, Alan Gilzean here, Pat Jennings here, Cyril Knowles here, Steve Perryman here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jürgen Klinsmann here, David Ginola here, Paul Gascoigne here

(Yes yes, it’s about a year late. Sorry. Finishing touches being applied to the opus Spurs’ Cult Heroes)

It appears that “Just one of those days” is lined up to become ‘Arry’s Triffic Phrase of the Season 2009/10, following the success of “Two points, eight games” last year. The official company line at least appears to be that the blank drawn against Hull is not something about which to get too worked up, and in a sense one can appreciate the point – we may not have been at our fluid best, but Gomes spent most of the game in smoking-jacket and slippers, puffing contentedly on cigar and squinting down the far end of the pitch. While one cheery Hull fan on a phone-in rather optimistically tried to argue that they had actually outplayed us, the stats of zero shots on target by Hull, compared to around three thousand by our lot, fairly convincingly suggest otherwise. It might not have been vintage Spurs, but we made a couple of clear-cut chances, and had Defoe or Keane done what they normally do with eyes closed we might have been dusting off the abacus.

But they didn’t and we weren’t. Not for the first time we’ve lollopped along Easy Street but lost our way and come stumbling back out again. Just one of those days? For the third time this season? At what point does the reaction morph from bemused shrug to desperate scramble for the panic stations?

For what it’s worth, the reaction is restraint – albeit of the mightily irritated variety – rather than wild-eyed panic here at AANP Towers. Unlike against Stoke, when we created worryingly few chances, against Hull we created a decent number, and but for that Myhill lad would have breezed it.

Elsewhere on the Pitch

Robbie Keane, bless him, gave more food for thought for his legions of admirers, the casual missed chance from all of two yards a particular highlight. In a move more akin to euthanasia than substitution, ‘Arry hauled him off before he had the chance to try missing from actually inside the goal. Around these parts we wondered how Pav might have fared. Before Keane had even taken his seat on the bench Plan B was up and running, Crouch immediately directing headers into the path of Defoe. Given the presence of the beanpole it might have been an idea to introduce the brylcreemed one, in order to swing in some crosses from the right, or even the boy Rose, who, one suspects, might have offered ever-so-slightly more pace than Corluka.

A decent shift from Gareth Bale, offensively and defensively. Further such displays may give our glorious leader something to chew on once BAE recovers from injury. Modders looked pleasingly urgent throughout; but Kranjcar returned from his cloud of wondrousness, back to earth with a bump, in the realm of the largely ineffective. While these two cut inside with gay abandon, central midfield remains a worry from this vantage point. When up against opponents willing to venture forward Hudd is more effective and Sergeant Wilson more suitably employed, but in the face of a 10-0-0 formation Hudd had precious few ideas. Boundless energy has never been his forte, and no-one expects that of him (whether rightly or wrongly is perhaps a debate for another day), but it would at least have been nice to see him rolling things along quickly, first-time passes and the like, playing like he a man who knows where he’ll put the ball before he even receives it.

The silver lining to all this is that a draw at home to a team in the relegation zone turned out to be one of the best results of the weekend, and by virtue of the charming generosity of our closes challengers we’re somehow back in the top four. The table would look infinitely cheerier if we had wins against Hull, Stoke and Wolves to add to the collection, but it is what it is.

AANP’s first book, Spurs’ Cult Heroes, comes out on 16 Feb and is now available to pre-order from WHSmith, Amazon , Tesco, Waterstones and Play

You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, follow on Twitter here

And as ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Martin Chivers here, Alan Gilzean here, Pat Jennings here, Cyril Knowles here, Steve Perryman here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jürgen Klinsmann here, David Ginola here, Paul Gascoigne here

Not a bad result, and certainly no catastrophe, but as Mark Hughes has found to his detriment, the value of a draw seems only to become clear at the conclusion of the following game. Failure to win our next game, at home to West Ham tomorrow, would cast this point at Craven Cottage in the rather gloomy light of one/two points from six; while victory over the Hammers would equate to a haul of ten points from twelve. Sharpened knives therefore sit next to balloons and streamers, as we prepare to laud or castigate our troops as appropriate, for their festive efforts.

Taken in isolation, a point away to an in-form Fulham, while not ideal, is not bad; in the same sort of way as vouchers are not a bad Christmas present – unspectacular and undoubtedly anti-climactic, but ultimately of some use in the long-run.

It was the sort of game for which our heroes deserve polite applause rather than that eager over-reaction which we all prefer. The gay abandon with which we have ripped previous opponents to shreds was replaced by some diligent pottering from Kranjcar, Lennon and Keane. All creditable enough, but diligent pottering is not historically the sort of fare to sweep a girl from her feet and have her throwing her underwear on stage.

A couple of changes from ‘Arry, each of which were understandable enough, but while he did not do anything wrong Robbie Keane cannot be said to have made a compelling case for his inclusion again tomorrow against West Ham. Alongside him meanwhile, Crouch offered a few pointed reminders to team-mates that he is more than just a totem-pole at whom head-high long-balls are to be shunted. Some nifty footwork from the lanky one, who went mighty close to registering a couple of goal-of-the-month contenders. Ultimately however, we were on the back-foot as often as the front, and the name in neon lights at full-time duly reflected this.

Having returned to the scene of his career nadir, Heurelho Gomes might have been forgiven for suffering some sort of Sol Campbell-style breakdown as he trotted out of the Craven Cottage tunnel, and about-turning straight back into the changing-rooms to curl into a ball and gibber away to himself. Top marks to the chap therefore. Barely recognisable from the blundering, fumbling calamity of last season, he produced a couple of saves that were worth goals. Now may also be an appropriate time to reflect on the fact that while this time last year I could barely bring myself to watch the horror unfold whenever we conceded a free-kick or corner, Gomes these days tends to gobble up crosses with minimal fuss.

Gomes, Daws and Bassong now find themselves the proud parents of three consecutive clean-sheets, which I doubt anyone foresaw when Woodgate first limped off to join Ledley in the treatment room. Mind-boggling stuff, but a most welcome addition to the Tottenham family. With the best will in the world I venture that it is unlikely we’ll have too many more of these over the course of the season – it’s just not the Tottenham way – so we might as well revel in the moment while we can. With Modders and Ledley being eased back into the fold, and Defoe primed to return to the starting line-up, the glass seems half-full rather than half-empty at the moment, but such status remains subject to change pending tomorrow’s result.

You can become a Facebook fan of forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, follow on Twitter here - or pre-order the ruddy thing here. Cripes!

And as ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Martin Chivers here, Alan Gilzean here, Pat Jennings here, Cyril Knowles here, Steve Perryman here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jürgen Klinsmann here, David Ginola here, Paul Gascoigne here

Well hands up who saw that one coming? All I wanted for Christmas was a good bourbon and some peace and quiet, but a performance of grit, clenched fists and all manner of dogged resolution had me rubbing my eyes in disbelief.

I had not dared dream of such riches as three points and a clean sheet. Blackburn away is not exactly our land of milk and honey at the best of times; Blackburn away in the snow had me perfecting my bleats of annoyance at our insipid lack of fight even before kick-off. We after all, are supposed to be a team of shaved eyebrows and leggings beneath the shorts, not rolled-up sleeves and bite. Rarely have I exalted quite so merrily in the error of my ways.

We’ve Turned A Corner

Tempting then to grab a tub and start thumping it with the message that 2-0 away to Blackburn - on the back of a hard-earned 3-0 win against Man City - categorically confirms that we have turned a corner and do indeed now have the stomach for a fight, to complement our attacking flair, a combo which is guaranteed to earn us Champions League qualification.

Tempting, but instead of “Champs League I Tell Ye or I’ll Eat My Own Face” I’ll have the tattoo “Work-in-Progress” scrawled across my forearm. We’re in fine fettle, no doubt about it, and have ticked several new boxes already this season – Demolish The Premiership Urchins; Play The Tottenham Way; Adopt A Home Mentality At Away Grounds; and now Dig In As Necessary. All heartening stuff, but realistically, I imagine we will still suffer the occasional lapse, the odd Wolves/Stoke moment between now and May. And when it happens I won’t unsheathe the samurai sword and wave it around at neck-level, I’ll just remind myself of how things are by looking at my tattoo, like that backwards chap in Memento. While a six-match winning streak would be lovely I’m just grateful for what we’ve got at the moment. Things are looking good, we generally play well, we have now shown a capacity to dig in and scrap for a win. We’re not quite Brazil 1970 however, or even Chelski, but we’re moving in the right direction.

”Defending From The Front” And All That Jazz

Slightly reluctant to single out individuals for praise, would rather dig up a mundane cliché about team effort instead. We defended well, ‘tis true, but the Thou Shalt Not Pass attitude was evinced all over the pitch. Nevertheless, Bassong and Gomes get to share this week’s AANP High Five, for between them scrambling away a certain Blackburn equaliser at 1-0. Daws has not yet shaken off that tendency to go flying in for a full-blooded but slightly mis-timed challenge, and sooner or later it will cost us, but I was nevertheless glad for his presence in a game like this. As part of my ongoing spirit of goodwill I also applaud your friend and mine Mr Jenas, for providing just what we needed when he entered the arena. Good work from Crouchy too. In the land of few chances the two-goal man is king.

Nice to see Lady Luck blowing us a kiss this week. On just about any other day in the history of time Crouch would have been penalised when heading his goal – not because it was necessarily a foul (didn’t see much protest from the on-pitch Blackburn mob) but because it was Crouch. The McCarthy shot which hit the post also bounced kindly for us - sometimes we get them, sometimes we don’t. If anything though, fortune favoured the brave, and this was well-earned.

Have a happy Christmas then, from AANP, God bless ye merry gentlemen.

You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here

And as ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Martin Chivers here, Alan Gilzean here, Pat Jennings here, Cyril Knowles here, Steve Perryman here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jürgen Klinsmann here, David Ginola here.

Not quite vintage Spurs, but a hugely creditable performance nonetheless. The 3-0 scoreline makes it easy to forget quite how hard our lot had to work after a testing opening, first in soaking up the early pressure, and then in moving from back-foot to front.

Kick-off had heralded what looked like an ominous 10-minute trailer for the Carlos Tevez Show, but to our credit, while City were allowed a little too much time in midfield they were resolutely kept at arm’s length – an arm in this instance being approximately 18 yards long – with the only notable first half save from Gomes coming from a long-range effort.

The last 15 minutes or so were also a little nervier than was entirely necessary, as we dropped mighty deep, the ghost of weeks past seeming to haunt the team. A two-nil lead as the clock ticks over to 80 ought not in theory to be any cause for alarm, but having recently turned implosion in such situations into an art-form, our lot seemed a little confused as to whether they ought just to allow City to score, as a standard procedure. Daws could well have been pulled up for a penalty, which would have made for a horrendous final five minutes, while Adebayor was rather generously granted the freedom of the Tottenham six-yard box. Despite all this, having shown more creativity throughout, and sufficient ruthlessness to convert periods of dominance into goals, I think it’s fair to assert that we ticked enough boxes, and were quite justified in toddling off home in good cheer.

Bargain

Against a Man City team assembled at a combined cost of approximately several trillion pounds, Niko Kranjcar looked like the bargain of the millennium last night, fully justifying his inclusion in my Fantasy League team. His two goals were prime examples of what he offers us – an eagerness to charge into the penalty area and get involved in the fun (not a trait exhibited too often by the likes of Hudd, Jenas or Palacios), and boundless inventiveness in wanting to create mischief, as evinced by the world’s greatest ever time-wasting-short-corner routine.

Lennon was something of a coiled spring for the first half hour, itching to have a run at the left-back. And once the penny dropped amongst his team-mates he was off, tearing Silvinho apart, creating a goal and drawing the obligatory booking from the hapless opponent. Would have been nice to see him go for the jugular thereafter, and work a second booking out of the lad, but hey-ho.

’Twas a good job that Lennon and Kranjcar were on form, because Hudd had an off-day. If he can show on Saturday that this was the exception rather than the norm I think we’ll excuse him, but in the first half hour in particular he did little more than puff and pant in the background.

He won’t get many headlines, and indeed his possible handball is likelier to be thrust under the microscope, but Daws was generally outstanding at the back, particularly during the rocky moments in the first half of the first half. If the rest of them showed his attitude by golly we’d have one hell of a team. Such was his Midas touch that as well as countless well-judged tackles and interceptions, even that moment in the second half, when he arrived approximately an hour late for a tackle and sent a City forward flying into touch, was greeted by little more than a shrug from the ref and a goal-kick.

Defoe and Crouch

Some curious behaviour from our forwards. Defoe seems to have adopted a festive attitude of generosity and selflessness, opting to lay off the ball and try to pick out team-mates when he’s 20 yards out, rather than have a shot at the first whiff of goal. Preferred him in his Scrooge-like days of avarice and shots-at-every-opportunity, truth be told. We were also treated to the latest instalment of Defoe’s age-old mental battle with The Offside Law, our hero showing no indication that he is any closer to unravelling its complex intricacies.

As for Crouch, towards the end of the game he suddenly appeared to throw a bit of a strop, bless, and refused to pass to anyone, opting instead to shoot from miles out or try dribbling past the entire City team. The sight of Crouch running with the ball leaves me aghast but unable to tear myself away. It’s a gangly awkward mess, which is destined inevitably to end in a giant ball of limbs, and yet holds a morbid fascination. (As do Corluka’s occasional, painfully slow step-overs.)

Generally however, the attacking duo were sound but unspectacular, combining in uncomplicated fashion for our second (the fact that the move ended in a goal diverting attention from the world’s most mal-coordinated attempt at defending in the history of the game, by Kolo Toure). No reason to change the forward line, Robbie Keane can stay where he is.

While I hesitate to suggest that our blip is over, or can even be correctly labelled a “blip” rather than something more long-term, some winnable games loom, and if we play our cards right we could still be rather handily-placed come that drunken chorus of Auld Lang Syne.

You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here

And as ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Martin Chivers here, Alan Gilzean here, Pat Jennings here, Cyril Knowles here, Steve Perryman here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here

A curious one, this. Back in the days of yore, when Luka Modric limped off against Birmingham, I don’t think anyone foresaw things panning out quite this way. Robbie Keane undroppable, wingers treated like lepers, long-ball upon long-ball. We’re muddling through, but the sooner both the Croatian genius and Lennon return, the better.

It’s A Legal Requirement

I don’t know which crack team of legal masterminds Robbie Keane hired to put together his contract, but I want them on my side come my next appraisal and salary review. He could have a leg amputated over the next few days and he’d still be picked. It’s the law.

Not that Keane is necessarily the fall-guy for the derby defeat last week – just about everyone was culpable that day, and any one of 11 could have been dropped. However, the 4-3-1-2 adopted by ‘Arry seemed at best a curious choice at kick-off. With Bentley, Bale and Kranjcar all left shivering on the bench, the various members of the White Hart Lane Detective Agency were each reaching the same conclusion – it was done to accommodate Keane.

I suppose that in ‘Arry’s head prior to kick-off it must have seemed a thing of genius – something like a midfield diamond, with Hudd pulling the strings at its base, and Keane working off the little-and-large front pair. On paper it had everything.

Wide-Boys

On grass unfortunately, it was an unsightly mess. The creative nous of Jenas, Hudd and Palacios extended to the all-too-familiar procession of long balls into orbit for the beanpole. As I craned my neck for the umpteenth time, the same point kept nagging away: why don’t we go wide? Alas, the question took me back to a scene from the cracking Red Dwarf…

CAT: Why don’t we drop the defensive shields?
KRYTEN: A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws. One, we don’t have any defensive shields, and two, we don’t have any defensive shields. Now I realise that, technically speaking, that’s only one flaw but I thought it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice.

To the left and right great swathes of turf lay unsullied by human feet, our wingers having been pointedly omitted altogether from the game-plan. The only semblance of width came from full-backs BAE and Charlie, neither of whom have ever exactly been fêted for their capacity to bomb up and down the flanks. With no genuine wingers on the pitch, too often we ended up back on board the long-ball train.

A Gold Star To Our Match-Winner

Uninspiring stuff then. The early goal was a bonus (coming, incidentally, from a rare cross from the flanks) and we had reason to bow gratefully to the White Hart Lane woodwork.

Keane and Hudd are the names on the scoresheet, but make no mistake, Gomes was our match-winner. A penalty save makes for an obvious headline, but it was one of a number of cracking saves in each half, worth a couple of goals. If things aren’t clicking in midfield (and they rarely do at the moment, without Lennon and Modders) it’s mightily reassuring to know that that the last line of defence is on top of his game. What a difference a year makes.

Darren Bent’s Comedy Show Returns To The Lane

AANP Towers was not the only abode at which the prospect of Darren Bent’s return inspired some dread. He’s no Jimmy Greaves, but there seemed to be a horrendous inevitability about him returning with a goal. When the penalty was awarded – poor Bent having been quite blatantly chopped in half, and possibly also stamped on, by Gomes - the nation’s headline writers presumably rubbed their hands in glee. Moreover, had Sunderland scored at that point, we would have a right struggle on our hands to secure three points.

Gloriously however, it was a return to the bad old days for Dazza. There are goals, and wins, but with all the history and pre-match hype, Gomes’ save from Bent’s penalty – and the mini-carnival it prompted in the stands - ranks as one of the highlights at the Lane so far this season.

Perhaps a little harsh on young Mr Bent to be tormented quite so mercilessly (references to Sandra Redknapp amongst those gleefully raining down after the penalty miss), given that he top-scored for us, rarely sulked and generally beavered away in lilywhite. Nevertheless, it was riotous fun, and after having seen Bent perfect the look of disbelief through numerous hopeless misses in lilywhite, it was most satisfying to see him strike that pose once more, in opposition colours.

Darren Bent’s Twitter Revenge

(It does not seem coincidence that no sooner do I resume the mockery of Monsieur Bent, then the AANP Twitter account gets hacked, with spam fired off in all directions in the good name of AANP. Sincere apologies if you were one of those on the receiving end; the problem, I think, has been resolved.)

Crisis Over

The penalty save may have been the turning-point, but the half-time switch to more orthodox 4-4-2, followed by the introduction of Krancjar for Keane, also helped steady the good ship Tottenham. By the end of the game we were even putting together the occasional slick passing move.

And a random point of note - what on earth is that party-trick Assou-Ekotto keeps showing off? The one where he leaps horizontally three feet in the air and scissor-kick volleys backwards? It’s very fancy, and actually turned out to be quite effective, just rather a bizarre sight.

It’s the mark of a championship-winning team to win when not playing particularly well. This was not vintage Spurs, but the win hauls us out of our crisis (relax… I jest). The three points do keep us very much in the hunt for fourth, and performances will improve as our key attacking outlets return. While it is always exciting to see what whacky strategy will be deployed each week to make up for the absence of Modric, I think we’ll breathe easier once the little fella returns.

Apologies to all who received Twitter spam from AANP this week, after the account was hacked by computer-box deviants. AANP on Twitter here – now cleansed and refreshed – and the Spurs Cult Heroes - AANP Facebook fan group here

And as ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the featured players in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here

Are we a club in crisis? While I hate to disappoint the doom-mongers and mischievous press-men, it is a little too hasty to go down that route just yet.

Come the full-time whistle we ought to have a clearer idea of where we stand. Naturally, this being White Hart Lane, moderation is not welcome. Our fortunes tomorrow will swing wildly one way or t’other, either back on track to challenge the top four, or sliding irreversibly towards mid-table obscurity and worse. Such is life at the Lane.

We’re Doomed I Tell Ye, DOOMED

Two wins in seven ain’t great, and consecutive league defeats – in darned shoddy manner, at home to Stoke, and away to the Woolwich goons – add to a damning case from the prosecution. If we can forget temporarily the league table, the evidence clearly points to a disaster wrapped in a shambles inside a crisis. Knives are sharpened, and the media in particular are a-stabbing. Frivolity aside however, another defeat tomorrow, at home to Sunderland, would make this more than just a blip.

Relax. We’re Fine. Chill, Winston.

That said, after ten games, we are just about where we would expect to be. The defeats to Man Utd and l’Arse were soul-destroying in manner, but not especially unexpected. But for the loss at home to Stoke, I’d venture that just about every result so far this season has gone according to expectations, and fifth place at this stage is a decent place to be, particularly with top-quality players to return.

We’re not as good as the top three, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. We’re competing for fourth, and will continue to do so as long as we show that the Stoke defeat was an anomaly. Until Stoke we were generally picking up points against the mid-table/bottom-half teams, and this trend needs to be continued throughout the season and beginning tomorrow.

Good News From The Fixture-List

This could actually be the start of something wonderful. We don’t play the top three again (in the league) until next April. Now while I am not yet quite so naive to suggest that we’ll go unbeaten from November to April, taken one game at a time there’s nothing in there to fear - except that irresistible urge programmed into so many of our troops, to revert without warning to kamikaze mode. Nobody knows quite from whom the decision will come, or when it will be taken, but from Gomes to Defoe they all seem to have the ingrained capacity to disturb the peace with a random shot to the their own foot.

AANP’s Prayer For Tomorrow

After the Stoke debacle, the prayer of choice being humbly offered heavenwards is that we score early tomorrow, or at least score first. Without Modric (and possibly Lennon) we lack the je ne sais quoi to unlock a deep-lying, packed defence set on gaining a point from first minute to last (see Stoke). Score an early goal however, and we’ll be laughing. Well, maybe not laughing - being Tottenham, we’ll find a way to complicate things - but at least scoring an early goal will allow us space and counter-attacking opportunities.

I therefore find myself hoping that Sunderland have a go at us, or at least resist the urge to set up two banks of four, and then just sit back and repel. Should they venture forward (and the chances of this are obviously exponentially increased if we get the first goal) there will be a bit of space behind them to exploit. They will henceforth become putty in our hands, and we shall toy with them. As flies are to wanton boys shall the trailing Sunderland be to counter-attacking Tottenham. Then the final whistle will go and we’ll all live happily ever after, for a fortnight.

Worst-Case Scenario

We Spurs fans have turned the Ludicrous-and-Disproportionate-Howl-of-Anguish-and-Baying-for-Blood into an art-form. Another insipid defeat tomorrow would be like releasing a coiled spring of vitriol, and the hills will be alive with the sound of calls for the whole team to be sold, ‘Arry’s coaching staff sacked and football destroyed forever.

Place Your Bets

Darren Bent will score, ‘tis written in the stars.

As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the featured players in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here

You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here

”There would be something quintessentially Spurs about doing all the hard work and then gifting away the game on a plate, through one moment of madness.”

-AANP, yesterday

And sure enough…

It’s easy to forget that honours were fairly even in the early stages, as misplaced pass was matched by misplaced pass in a midfield absolutely jam-packed with bodies. While presumably not much of a spectacle to the neutral, we at least appeared relatively well organised. When called upon Gomes made a save that seemed to defy belief (it was suggested by one esteemed chum that Cudicini would not even have bothered trying to save it). It was not setting the world alight, but the game-plan was working.

Thereafter however, all the worst elements of Tottenham Hotspur FC came to the fore. Once upon a time a balding, ginger loon patrolled our defence, permanently liable to produce something like an over-the-shoulder-volleyed-own-goal without warning; and yesterday was like revisiting the days of Gross, Francis and Gary Doherty, as madness infected half a dozen in lilywhite, each of whom could barely wait to give the self-destruct button a good old thump.

Schoolboy defending? Complete absence of off-the-ball movement? Early resort to the long-ball? Lack of passion, effort, fight? Truly, this was the Tottenham of old.

Schoolboy Defending

First goal: Eminently preventable. Sloppy defending in allowing the cross; Ledley of all people was second best when it arrived; and a touch disappointing for Gomes to be beaten on his near post.

Second goal: Where to start? Plain careless from Sergeant Wilson, while Hudd ought to be subjected to a public thrashing for simply chickening out of a challenge. And Ledley, Ledley, Ledley. Flying in was reckless at best, with further errors compounding an unusually shoddy display. I suppose in ten years he’s entitled to one bad game. Credit to Fabregas for taking it well, but no team with top-four aspirations ought to just melt away like that in the face of a one-man attack.

Third goal: Oh for goodness’ sake…

There could have easily have been others too, Gomes saving twice from Eduardo, as our back-four dubiously experimented with the world’s most ramshackle offside trap.

Complete Lack of Off-The-Ball Movement

Yes, the midfield was congested, and yes, the priority in the early stages was safety-first; but these factors do not prevent movement off the ball. Not for the first time in recent weeks, it was pass and move without the move. I suspect some of them are still rooted to their positions on the Emirates turf even now.

We had plenty of possession, but whichever of our players found the ball at his feet would be offered precious few options, and as a result we were treated to the unholy sight of…

Early Resort To The Long-Ball

Plan B became Plan A far too early. By Jove I miss Luka Modric.

Lack of Passion, Effort, Fight

The body-language was utterly defeatist after the third goal. While 3-0 represents a mountain, two quick goals can hardly be described as beyond the realms of probability, and would have swung things right back our way. ’Arry curiously seemed to remain in his seat, rather than prowling the technical area and giving the players some food for thought – although as I watched on TV I may be doing him a disservice here. It did appear as if he had resigned himself to defeat pretty blinking early, and the players seemed to take their cue from him.

Moreover, if you don’t mind me banging a far older drum, these guys are paid shed-loads for their 90 minutes of work once or twice a week, so I demand to see them bust a gut each time they play, no matter what the score.

Patience Runs Out For Tow of AANP’s Favourite Sons

For what it’s worth, yesterday was also the straw that broke this camel’s back. The last vestige of patience has snapped at AANP Towers.

Jenas at least worked hard, but all the effort in the world does not mask the guy’s limitations as a central midfielder. And I can’t even be bothered to find a nice polite euphemism to describe Hudd’s performance. These two are simply not good enough if we want to challenge the top four (I suspect many will be tempted to tar the Barba-less Keane with this brush too). If we want to make the top six, beating the average Premiership fare en route, these chaps will do the job just fine. Our fixture-list in the coming months suggests presents a stretch of winnable games, and I suspect that Jenas and Hudd will trot out some decent performances in that time.

However, against Man Utd, Chelski and l’Arse they are not good enough. As long as they remain our first choices in central midfield, we will remain second-best against these teams.

Perspective

Nothing beats a good diatribe, and one league win in six sounds bad, but when the dust settles it is worth remembering that the situation is far from critical. Recent weeks perhaps prove that we remain a work in progress, but we nevertheless retain a realistic chance of finishing in the top four. This is a marked improvement on previous seasons, and is something for which we’d have settled back in August. We may be a level below the top three, but I fancy our chances against the rest. Liverpool continue to stumble, and imminent games against Man City and Villa are crucial, while the returns of Defoe, Lennon and above all Modric will make a world of difference.

As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here

You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here

Normally the points in this fixture are rather an irrelevance, but this time there is more at stake than just bragging rights. The sides go into the game separated only by goal difference, and the three points up for grabs could prove crucial come May. Ultimately, league position is the gauge, and this season for a change we have a realistic chance of finishing above l’Arse. Our squad is much improved, a degree of consistency has been added and player for player there isn’t much to choose between the two teams, even in the absence of our pint-sized attacking triumverate. Plus, unlike the last time we challenged them, Paul Stalteri is now nowhere near the squad. Irrespective of the result tomorrow, the gap has narrowed and come the end of the season we could well finish higher than them.

I earnestly suggested all this to my l’Arse-supporting colleague at lunch today, and while he nodded politely enough he could not disguise a smirk. Which speaks volumes.

The Good News

The good news is that Ledley is back. “Good news” is an understatement, for these are almost certainly the three greatest words in the English language.

Woodgate may be available; Crouch – threatening a robot celebration if he does the business tomorrow - has a hat-trick to his name against l’Arse, in his previous incarnation as a scouser; while Bentley must have gazed at his reflection in the White Hart Lane mirrors even more adoringly than usual after his excellent performance as Lennon’s deputy on Tuesday, against Everton. Full-strength we may not be, but strong nevertheless.

The Usual Grumble

As ever, the grumblings of unease emanating from AANP Towers relate to our central midfield. ‘Arry will presumably have to pick one of Hudd and Jenas to partner Sergeant Wilson in midfield, with Hudd possibly the favourite, having been preferred last week. Prayers are fervently being offered around these parts that he uses this game as the springboard to unbounded amazingness. Rip-roaring displays of sensational passing are all very well when we’re two up against Premiership also-rans, but I struggle to recall him doing it in the biggest games. Now would be a corking time to right that wrong.

Curiously, for a man so uniquely capable of inspiring a thousand foul-mouthed tirades from his own fans, Jenas has a rather impressive pedigree against l’Arse. A couple of years back he scored a lovely last-minute equaliser at the Lane; and a year ago almost to the day he produced an absolute blinder at the death in the 4-4 game, the sort of goal about which pundits and fans alike would been raving all season if scored by anyone who wasn’t Jermaine Jenas.

I also recall, with some bewilderment, that there was a brief period under Wendy Ramos when Jenas grew his hair and became awesome. He genuinely looked like he had indeed stepped up a level, and his feats included the first goal in the 5-1 spanking of l’Arse. It proved the exception rather than the norm in his career, but provides some cause for optimism.

Things I’d Like To See on Saturday: Absence of Kamikaze

As mentioned above, player for player the two teams are tightly matched, by which rationale we do have a decent chance; yet I still shudder uncontrollably with an uneasy sense of foreboding. Pessimism is a cloak that fits rather snugly at AANP, and it is not especially difficult to envisage one of our number succumbing to a sudden kamikaze urge and doing something magnificently ill-advised.

My wish-list for this week therefore comprises things I don’t want to see happening. Like Sergeant Wilson picking up two reckless yellow cards. Or Robbie Keane having a penalty saved. Or Gomes dropping a clanger. There would be something quintessentially Spurs about doing all the hard work and then gifting away the game on a plate, through one moment of madness.

I was going to end with a little SWOT analysis of our opponents, but then I realised I don’t actually care about them. Instead, have another viewing of Bentley’s greatest moment in lilywhite.

As ever, all are most welcome to leave memories - and browse those of others - regarding some of the players to be featured in forthcoming book Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here

You can become a Facebook fan of Spurs’ Cult Heroes and AANP here, or follow on Twitter here