All Action, No Plot

Before beginning the gruesome business of the post-mortem I think it’s worth doffing my cap towards Man Utd – they were a quality act yesterday. I demonstrated in my preview that mathematics is hardly the academic subject of choice at AANP Towers, but nevertheless it really did seem that being reduced to 10 men made them play as if they had 12.

The Luka-Shaped Hole

If absence makes the heart grow fonder my feelings for Luka Modric had turned into a complete man-crush by the end of yesterday’s game. The problems caused by his absence were two-fold. For a start - and admittedly it’s not rocket-science - we massively missed his contribution on the left. Robbie Keane was a square peg in a Luka-shaped hole, and came nowhere near replicating the class of the Modmeister, for which he can hardly be blamed I suppose. Curiously, by the second half it seemed that ‘Arry simply dispensed altogether with the whacky idea of deploying someone on left midfield, and left BAE to attack, defend, bat, bowl and keep wicket all on his own up and down the left-hand patch. Keane took up permanent residence in the centre, and even his replacement Kranjcar seemed only to station himself towards the left with reluctance.

The other problem caused by Luka’s absence was the very fact that Keane was removed from attack in order to play on the left. To date this season, Keane as a striker has been able to drop back as necessary to create a temporary five-man midfield. We could have done with that at times yesterday, as the Man Utd midfield bossed things. In fact they themselves made use of an attacker dropping deep, with the dastardly Berba occasionally sticking out a languid leg here and there in midfield. Our own attacking pair, of Crouch and Defoe, did not really offer that flexibility. Conclusion? This was all Modric’s fault.

The Second-Best Midfield

Anti-climactic stuff from Lennon, who could not have been more thoroughly shackled if he had been trussed up in a straitjacket with a ball-and-chain on his ankle for good measure.

The Hudd started fairly anonymously, and his influence waned thereafter. If the big lad wants to know the sort of standard he should be striving to emulate he need only look at the man whose shadow he chased for an hour yesterday. Scholes gave a masterclass in how to keep things ticking over in midfield. Tackling aside, mind.

I actually thought that Sergeant Wilson began the game in encouragingly bright and breezy fashion – as typified by the tackle that led to our goal – but once he received his yellow card his options were rather limited, and his half-time withdrawal was understandable.

And so, for the first time this season, to your hero and mine, Jermaine “Sideways! Backwards!” Jenas. Believe it or not I was rather impressed by the entrance he made, taking the fight to United as soon as he entered the fray and very nearly scoring a peach of an equaliser. However, that was about as good as it got. We’ve waited about four months to lay into Jenas, and had to wait another 20 minutes or so after his introduction yesterday, but once the poor blighter made a mistake by golly White Hart Lane let him know about it.

Discrimination at White Hart Lane. Despicable, In This Day And Age.

There was one curious incident in the second half when Crouch and his marker (I forget who) prepared to challenge for a header inside the penalty area, and the marker did his level best to yank the shirt off Crouch’s back in a most sordid manner. In hope rather than expectation I glanced towards the ref – and saw him put the whistle to his lips. Scarcely able to believe it I let out a celebratory yelp, only to see the ref award the free-kick to Man Utd. It’s a phenomenon that unfortunately follows Crouch wherever he goes, and one to which we will all have to become accustomed in future weeks and months.

That aside Crouch did what he is paid to do, and can hardly be blamed for his team-mates’ propensity to belt the ball at his head and yell “Go fetch”. I prefer him coming off the bench as an impact sub, and yestrerday’s evidence did not alter that opinion, despite the first-minute assist.

Elsewhere on the Pitch…

Nicely taken goal from Defoe, on just about the only occasion he touched the ball. Another good shift from BAE. Unfortunately the best player in lilywhite was possibly the one in green, Cudicini making two or three very good saves.

We had our chances, notably in that little 20-minute second half spell, and were only a couple of inches away from equalising through Jenas or Crouch. In the final analysis however, the scoreline did not flatter United. The sending-off of Scholes presented the perfect platform for us, but rather than relentlessly batter down the United door we knocked a couple of times and politely waited for them to open up. We have certainly not become a bad team overnight, but there was proof, lest it were needed, that we remain a work in progress. And a poorer one for the loss of Modric.

Graham Roberts is one of the players featuring in Spurs’ Cult Heroes, a forthcoming book looking at players who achieved legendary status amongst us fans for what they did at the club. Feel free to share your favourite memories of the man – or browse those of others – right here, while memories are warmly welcomed on players already featured in Spurs’ Cult Heroes – Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jurgen Klinsmann here

So, it’s once more unto the breach, for the new season is upon us. The friendlies are done, fantasy league teams picked – all that’s left is for AANP Towers to rustle up a list of top ten aims for season 2009-10, and then we can get cracking…

1. European Qualification

Top six, or a trophy. Or both. The bookies make us sixth favourites for the title, and sixth spot is an aim that straddles the divide between “ambitious” and “realistic”. In more private confines we may peer hopefully towards fourth spot, particularly given the sales made by Wenger this summer, but there will be tough competition for that, from City, Villa and Everton as well as l’Arse. However, we ought to finish above a couple of those. Given the squad we now boast, and the absence of European distraction, anything less than Europa League qualification would be a disappointment.

2. 50 Goals From The Strikers

During the halcyon 2006-07 season under Martin Jol (blessed be his name) Berba, Keane and Defoe bagged over 60 goals between them, and we netted around 100 in all competitions. This time around, 20 goals from Defoe, and 30 from the combo of Keane, Crouch and Pav, ought to guarantee that we’ll be pushing for European qualification. Would be nice if Modders, Lennon and Jenas could target five each as well.

3. Avoid Long-Ball Overkill

The signing of Crouch undoubtedly gives us something we previously lacked - a pressure-release for when we’re under the cosh, and generally the option of an aerial presence (I still am not convinced that the gangly one possesses sufficient heading prowess to be labelled an aerial “threat”, so “presence” will have to do for now). However, as if often the case with England, just having him in the team can lead to long-ball overkill from his team-mates and there was the oocasional worrying sign of an all-too-hasty resort to the long-ball in Crouch’s 45 mins vs Olympiakos. While Modric is probably smart enough to avoid this unless necessary, I don’t trust the others to resist the lazy over-use of the long-ball to the beanpole.

It was mighty strange to behold, but the second half of last season saw us become watertight at the back. Consistency of selection appeared to be the key, as a back-four of BAE, Woodgate, King and Corluka picked itself just about every week, while behind them Gomes grew in confidence. Clean sheet upon clean sheet provided a most apt platform for a slew of one-nil wins, which propelled us from relegation worriers to European hopefuls. More of the same this season would be jolly handy, as we appear to have sufficient fire-power to score against just about anyone.

5. Four-Four Draws

Not necessarily a wish that makes any sense, given the clean-sheets request immediately above, but 4-4 draws are my guilty pleasure. Nothing says all-action-no-plot like an eight-goal thriller – and nobody does these better than Spurs. Based on the premise that we will presumably drop points at some stage this season, I hope that when we do so it’s in the form of a 4-4 draw.

6. A Song For Jenas

Possibly one at which you will raise an eyebrow, as seasoned all-action-no-plotters will be aware that the lad is not exactly a favourite at this establishment. Indeed, he has become such a scapegoat in my eyes that every time I stub my toe or miss a bus, I find myself automatically blaming him. Nevertheless, he deserves our backing. He tries his socks off week in, week out; and in his absence we often lack a midfielder bursting forward into the area. Few things in life are as infuriating as watching the King of the Sideways/Backwards Pass bringing a swift counter-attack to a grinding halt with several unnecessary touches and a short pass back towards the defence, but I have started to wonder if this might be because he lacks that Ronaldo-esque arrogance to be more adventurous. Being one of the few players in the team without his own song cannot exactly help the blighter’s confidence, so I hereby declare that I would join in an ode to JJ, albeit through slightly gritted teeth.

7. Look After Modric And Palacios Like Our Lives Depend On It

Our squad is looking impressive this season, with a couple of players competing in every position. However, Modric and Palacios are simply a class above, and as such are irreplaceable. They may miss the odd game suspended or with a minor injury, but we cannot afford for either of them to miss a six-game stretch. Not selling them this summer was a positive move; now we have to do everything in our power to keep them happy and healthy. Whatever they demand we ought to provide for them, and great lengths must be taken to avoid so much as a bee sting befalling them. If either of them get injured on international duty I’ll blinking well kill someone with my bare hands.

8. Hudd and O’ Hara to Come of Age

A big season for both. Being a young player with potential is one thing; but actually fulfilling that promise is another, and the target for both Hudd and O’ Hara this season ought to be to push on and nail down a regular spot in the starting XI. For the Hudd this means adding more energy and bite, and bossing games more frequently; for O’ Hara it means complementing his attitude and work-rate with greater finesse (if they were combined into one they would form one heck of a player). There is no guarantee that either will achieve this. It’s a step too far for some (see Gardner, and perhaps even Jenas), but a move made with aplomb by others (eg Ledley). Both players have their unswerving apologists and unrelenting critics, so perhaps the litmus test will be in the identity of the teams courting their services next summer – Villa, Everton, Liverpool; or Fulham, Sunderland, West Ham?

9. Give The Kids A Chance

Mightily pleasing to see Livermore, Rose, Bostock and Obika given opportunities to mix it with the first-team in pre-season, and one would hope that with seven substitutes per game, one or two of these will get some Premiership minutes under their belts before they start shaving. While it is unrealistic to expect all of them to make the grade, it would be nice to see one or two graduate from our youth team, as only O’ Hara and Ledley seem to have done in recent years. However, as has been noted in several quarters, should we make a bad start ‘Arry will not dare throw in the kids, whereas if we begin the season well he may not want to jeopardise things by giving youth its head. Time will tell.

10. Keep Ledley Fit

The stats generally show that we win more games with Ledley than without, but no abacus is necessary to see the talent of the guy. He simply mops up trouble with bundles of class and minimal fuss. If there is a silver lining from our failure to qualify for Europe last season, it is the reduced number of games, and no-one should benefit more from this than Ledley. With a spot of luck, and plenty of cotton wool in which to wrap him between games, he might be fit on a weekend-to-weekend basis, which would be absolutely ruddy marvellous. But keep him the hell away from the liquor.

11. More Insane Transfer Rumours

Admittedly I am now rather stretching the definition of a top ten, but these ridiculous rumours make me laugh. Last season we had Jenas to Inter, and Zokora to Real. Now it’s Bale to AC Milan. Balderdash, but hilarious, and I hope for more of it this season.

Spurs’ Cult Heroes
Final opinions sought on the top 20 Spurs Cult Heroes - players who achieved legendary status amongst us fans for what they did at the club. The majority pick themselves, but still some debate over the final few – Waddle? Teddy? Gilzean? White? Freund? Conn? Lineker? Burkinshaw? Have a read here, and voice your opinion.

So it looks like Berba is chickening out of a return to the Lane tomorrow, the big girl’s blouse. There is also some talk of Carrick possibly missing out through injury, although I suspect he’d be due less vitriol than the Bulgarian swine. Loyalty means nothing to players, nothing new there, but everyone loves a pantomime villain, especially at Christmas, and should Berba play he can expect to be roundly booed for the manner in which he upped and left. Of sulky demeanour at the best of times, his departure was conducted in such a surly manner he didn’t even bother to make the usual polite utterances about how grateful he was for the opportunity and support at Spurs etc. There’s probably a sense in which his honesty is refreshing, but I missed it in the midst of my indignation that anyone would dare to leave the amphitheatre of N17, or that, contrary to the song, there is actually another team around which is by far the greatest the world has ever seen.

Some players will always be warmly received at the Lane – Waddler, Ginola, Klinsmann et al. Guys, mi casa su casa. The criteria are pretty straightforward – play the sort of champagne football that the Lane regulars love, show that you care for the badge and, possibly above all else, don’t leave acrimoniously. Getting shunted out by an unscrupulous chairman/manager tends to assist the returning player in the popularity stakes.

By contrast, declaring that you’d rather leave Spurs and join some other lot, who have handily become the club you supported as a boy, will grant you the sort of treatment that even Emmanuel Eboue would consider a tad harsh. And leaving to join l’arse on a free, after you’ve been club captain for years – well, suffice it say that ten years on and that’s now become a matter for the polizei to investigate.

With Rooney and possibly Evra also missing from the Man Utd line-up tomorrow, and our bizarrely impressive record against the top-four so far this season, there may even be grounds for optimism ahead of the game. I think we’ll get stuff myself, but personally I’d rather lose this one and win the Carling Cup final against them.