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Spurs 3-1 Blackburn: Why Can’t Corluka Run Properly?

Like a craggily-bearded convict using the walls of his cell to chalk off the days until freedom, it is with growing excitement that I desecrate the walls of AANP Towers with scribbles signifying another game played, and another win recorded. Nine games to go, and our heroes are fulfilling their side of the bargain. I must confess that at this stage of the season I find myself caring less and less about the style, and more and more about the outcome. Spring has sprung and victories are now paramount, particularly with the injury-list lengthening.

Corluka’s Ridiculous Running Style: A Theorem

Not long ago I went for an unhealthily long run around the streets of North London, the result of which was that for the following two days the inevitably tight hamstrings had me waddling around like a man recently sodomized by a horse. The aftermath of said run gave rise to the notion that perhaps Coluka’s bizarrely laboured, trundling approach is due to the fact that the night before every game he sets off on a half-marathon, leaving him absolutely spent by the time he waddles out in lilywhite. Admittedly it is a hypothesis that might not necessarily withstand the most intense scrutiny, but with each passing game I gaze in utter bemusement at the sight of this top-level professional athlete undergoing such a struggle simply to run.

‘Twas a mixed performance from the Croatian. Now prevented from producing his wondrous link-up play with Lennon, I have taken to viewing the world’s oldest-looking 24 year-old with an increasingly critical eye. As ever his distribution was regularly sloppy; and, as ever, his defensive duties were carried out fairly solidly. On both counts however there was a notable exception today. His was a vital and superb contribution to the opening goal, the intelligent movement in the area and textbook downward header positively Sheringham-esque. Yet on the debit side his penalty area lunge in the first half was thoroughly ill-advised, and might have been deemed a spot-kick on another day.

And On The Subject of Penalty Shouts…

It appears that the impeccable Howard Webb would only have awarded Gareth Bale a penalty if the Blackburn mob had chopped him in half with a chainsaw. The handsome young Welshman was once again outstanding, with Sergeant Wilson also turning in another strong performance. Quite the bonus too that the midfield pitbull negotiated the full 90 minutes caution-free, to avoid an untimely two-game suspension.

Elsewhere on the Pitch

Modders showed a few flashes of class, but again could not really be said to have bossed things from central midfield. Similarly fitful stuff from Kranjcar, although it made a delightful change to see us actually score from a corner, the Croatian’s set-piece delivery on that occasion achieving the rare feat of beating the first man.

Super Pav

Actually “Super” is something of an exaggeration, as on two occasions he swung at the ball with all the mal-coordination of a fat kid in the playground, from not much further than six yards. However, when you’re hot you’re hotski, and our Pav still chipped in with his now customary brace. If nothing else it will bump up his transfer value come the summer.

Is There A “Bad Time To Score”?

Good predatory stuff from Defoe too, to celebrate the return of the Wembley arch atop his pate. Conventional wisdom has it that the closing moments of the first half are “a good time to score”, and whatever the science of that particular theory a half-time lead is always well-received around these parts, for our lot have developed the laudable habit of turning such half-time leads into full-time victories.

Perhaps not vintage Spurs in the final analysis, but a job well done nevertheless. With resources depleted it is quite a relief to shake hands, turn on our heels and wander off into the sunset with three points securely stuffed in our cases. It is three successive League wins now, precisely the adrenaline shot our top-four push required, and with seven days until our next fixture our walking-wounded have some precious time to remove their band-aids and bolster the ranks.

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All are most welcome to leave memories – and browse those of others – regarding the players featured in Spurs’ Cult Heroes: Danny Blanchflower here, Dave Mackay here, Cliff Jones here, Martin Chivers here, Alan Gilzean here, Pat Jennings here, Cyril Knowles here, Steve Perryman here, Glenn Hoddle here, Chris Waddle here, Ossie and Ricky here, Gary Mabbutt here, Graham Roberts here, Jimmy Greaves here, Clive Allen here, Jürgen Klinsmann here, David Ginola here, Paul Gascoigne here. Also featured in the book are Sandy Brown and the late, great Bill Nicholson.

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17 Responses

  1. anon Says:

    A mate at work insists that Corluka runs like Roger Moore in his later Bond films (you know when he was 58 or something) and he’s got a point too!

  2. Spang Says:

    Good to see Dawson firing those accurate 40 yard passes too. Yes, you did read that right. Plus I saw BAE near their goal line at least a couple of times.

    Hands off Corluka 😉 – world’s oldest-looking 24 year old… nice one – he’s solid, I even find myself liking him when he starts bumbling around in our box stumbling into opposition players.

    When’s Lennon back then… him on the right, Bale on the left. Can’t wait.

  3. Mark Says:

    Do you think you will ever find anything positive to say?

    This is a complete waste of space.

  4. ParkLane67 Says:

    Spot on Mark. Clearly a 3 – 1 drubbing isn’t good enough for the author.

  5. PaulF Says:

    Maybe Charlie does actually get sodomised by a horse before the game? However he is far from the oldest looking 24 year old. Robben looked nearer 64 when he was 24, and Carvalho was almost totally bald at that age, before he started sportiing his ridiculous toupe. Re Park Lane and Mark, lay off the author you killjoys. Its called satire. If you dont like it go and read Hotspur Magazine (if it still exists). I for one find this guys writing funny

  6. JJ Says:

    Pretty close to spot on, I reckon. Bale and Wilson were great, the rest were just average. Fortunately Blackburn were pretty awful, so I’d say 3-1 is a fair result.

    Although Defoe and Pav both scored, neither really looked on their game and neither really seemed to have that cutting edge. Pav’s two miskicks were laughably bad. The first goal was a nice strike but really should have been stopped by the keeper, and the second was a gimme. 2 goals is a great return, but if he had been really sharp he could have had another 2 or 3.

    Corluka is 24? I thought he was about 32. He runs like that fat kid at school who started dieting and lost a lot of weight, but still runs like a fat kid.

  7. Charlie Says:

    If you look at the replay, you’ll see that Corluka is clearly barged & put off balance by the Blacburn attacker before he puts his tackle in. So hardly a penalty…whereas Bale was hacked down twice once in the penalty area and the second time just on the edge.

    As for the running, I suggest you do some stretching exercises before and after – unless you actually enjoy that buggered by a horse feeling.

  8. avit Says:

    He seems to have fallen arches – common problem with footballers. He would look even worse without the orthotics he wears!

  9. elwehbi@ibleedhotspur Says:

    Lady luck gave Super Pav a handjob yesterday! I’ll take it!

    COYS!

  10. AA Says:

    Chainsawed in half…hmmm. He might have to consult his linesman with that.

  11. DAVSPURS Says:

    We got three points but my one concern or should i say two is our Defense and our Midfield are giving the ball away cheaply. The times Bassong headed the ball back to Blackburn would get us murdered by a better team .He had a simple knockdown header to Ekotto stood a few feet away unmarked and he headed straight up the middle and instead of us attacking it was Blackburn this is happening a lot and the midfield is joining in by also giving the ball away two easily.The reason the midfield loses a lot of possession is trying to do to many difficult passes and the reason for this is they are playing to far apart. from all this a good win

  12. siberiaspur Says:

    Here in Septic-land I have to watch on the box but it does mean I get replays. Elsewhere on the net I see Salgado branding our southpaw hero a diver and he has a point. Bad reputation to be saddled with – hopefully our coaches will set him straight ‘cos at the moment he’s it for our crossing threat.

  13. LilyWhite Says:

    bravo sir – from one aspiring sports writer to another. though i do fear satire is a dish best served light, whereby you have decided to go with the more-the-merrier approacxh, but each to his/her own.

    i do tend to agree with your view on pav – lets be perfectly honest, he really isnt great is he. as long as he keeps finding the back of the net he can be as bad as he wants, but i wouldnt say he is a drastic step up from the enigma Bent.

  14. Ted Says:

    Bent and Pav are from the same cloth – passengers who score. If Pav scores then as as Spurs fan I am happy. But I can be happy and still think he is a poor return on the £14m smackers we laid out for him. Not great, not terrible, just plain old average imo.

  15. JimmyG2 Says:

    8 goals in 6 matches is not average and that’s the sort of passenger we could do with more of.
    He’s better than Bent because he does more than score.
    He was in the right place to score four or five which is exactly what you require of a striker.
    As Bill Nicholson once said of Jimmy Greaves,’ All he’s done this afternoon is score four goals’

  16. pnr status Says:

    I agree with you thanks for sharing

  17. jasa seo murah Says:

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