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Spurs – Everton Preview: Fare Thee Well, Game In Hand

So finally this much-vaunted “Game in Hand” is upon us. Truth be told, I will be a little sad to see it go. It has practically become part of the family, like a scruffy, uncouth urchin discovered in the wreckage of the summer riots, and adopted by the cheery folk of White Hart Lane. And let’s face it, this Game in Hand has proved more useful than the Sword of Omens when it comes to pointless bickering with fans of l’Arse, Chelski, Liverpool and the like. Whatever they say, I have smugly bleated “Game in Hand! Game in Hand!”, occasionally pointing to a copy of the Premiership table, and repeated this process ad nauseum until they storm off in a fit of pique to count their injured full-backs.

But alas, today is the day. Fond though I am of Game in Hand, ‘tis time to lead it unwittingly to the altar of Three Valuable Points For Our Ongoing Top-Four Push (Or Even – Whisper It – Title Challenge). Tonight, Game in Hand, shall ye be sacrificed, never to be seen again; but be proud to note that ye shall not die in vain. Unless we lose, I suppose.

Boo, Hiss

Irritatingly, when Game in Hand does finally depart this mortal sphere for the great Premiership table in the sky, he shall be bade farewell by a midfield disturbingly lacking in bite. Sandro is out, and Parker is not far behind him, if ‘Arry’s gloomy murmurings are to be believed (although that is quite a sizeable conditional, I acknowledge). This may leave us with a central midfield combo of Modders and VDV, or possibly even Krancjar, chaps who might as well just form a guard of honour through which Everton can bear down on our goal whenever they pick up possession in the midfield. Should young Livermore be thrust into the fold, much would be expected.

Huzzah!

On a cheerier note One Aaron Lennon is primed to return, and it turns out that both Cameroon and Togo somehow failed to qualify for the African Cup of Nations, so Adebayor will continue to stick his derrière into opposing defenders, and BAE will continue to perform shoulder-drops and Cruyff-turns in thoroughly inappropriate areas.

Elsewhere Michael Dawson is set to ease himself into the Ledley-shaped hole alongside Kaboul, while our resident blond with no knowledge of the offside rule may begin glancing towards the transfer window, if demoted to the bench again.

And that ought to be that. We have waited half the season for this – for goodness’ sake let’s make it worthwhile.

10 Responses

  1. Vinny Says:

    ” shoulder-drops and Cruyff-turns in thoroughly inappropriate areas”. Excellent.

  2. Kenyon Ledford Says:

    Great writing! You remind me of a trained version of myself. Have a look at my preview for tonights match from an Everton point of view

  3. Davspurs Says:

    Well we are hear at the crossroads straight ahead lies three pints and we sit on the Red Devils tale. If we secure them we will be peeping up at a blue moon ready too land on it in two weeks. This is the problem when teams arrive on our doorstep weakened with injuries it means a tough night ahead and a team with a high work rate something common where i live the North West. So expect Saha Mcfadden Nevill Fellani Distan and the very gaunt looking Baines to be full up with Tempo. We meed to get well ahead before half time because two seasons ago they played on Thursday in the Ufa and we led 2-0 and we where coasting then they came out full of running and we had too hang on for dear life. The same happened last season awe led 1-0 and they came out full up again and won 2-1 . So we will need too be ahead by 3 goals to take all three points or top up tempo will rob us just like Sunderland and West Brom nearly did

  4. Andre5 Says:

    Agreed – some lovely writing. I think this is the game where we show whether we are the real deal though. A team of born scrappers to overcome while the rest of the EPL look on to see what we do with the fabled game in hand.
    This is real pressure and I will be watching the entire match through the cracks in my eye-covering fingers.

  5. Blanchflower Says:

    I have a feeling the atmosphere may be much more prominent than the Brom game. This game in hand has been like a Wonka ticket timedly waiting to be cashed in at the grand gates of ‘league challengers’.

  6. Archibald Arrows Says:

    good writing!

  7. TMWNN Says:

    I loved that first paragraph. I actually feel sad about the imminent departure of good ol’ Game in Hand.

  8. essex yid Says:

    Best article I have read in ages.
    Defied wasborn offside.

  9. Dave Says:

    As first comment, excelent! I will come here more often.

  10. YID ATTAK Says:

    fan dab a dozy! COYS

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