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Tottenham Hotspur 2009-10: The All Action No Plot Awards

Something for your withdrawal symptoms if, like yours truly, you have such a Tottenham-shaped hole in your life that you now spend the first half hour of your working day actually working, rather than trawling the interweb for morsels of Spurs news. Before season 2009/10 becomes but a sepia-tinged memory sending good vibrations through your very core, it is only right and proper that the second AANP End of Season Awards are dished out.Dear Mr Levy, at Jimmy G2’s abode and at the ever-entertaining Who Framed Ruel Fox? – but please do now pour yourself a good bourbon, stick some Julie London on the gramophone and ask a kindly neighbour to perform a suitably dramatic drumroll…

The Storm From X-Men Award For The Most Pointless Superpower in Christendom 

The Play-Off-Chap-Who-Chipped-It Award For Most Mental Penalty Of The Season 

On top of all that, ill-fortune also befalls our lot when penalties are awarded our way. Defoe has had several saved, and the Hudd broke the habit of a lifetime when opting to place his shot rather than leather it, in his penalty against Bolton. However, amidst the blitz of spot-kicks this season, the one stands out is Robbie Keane’s against Everton – an effort initially saved by Tim Howard, prompting a melee more akin to playground football, as Messrs Bale and Bentley went charging in for the rebounds, and Howard produced about six separate parries before Keane eventually slammed the ruddy thing in. Truly, ‘twas all-action-no-plot, in penalty form.

The David Bentley Award For The Best Speculative Punt Against l’Arse 

The Bacary Sagna’s Hair Award For Fashion Faux Pas of The Season 

The Clegg-Cameron Award For Unlikely Partnership Of The Season 

 

The Saving Private Ryan Award For The Most Mental, 30 Minute, All-Action-No-Plot Sequence Of The Season 

While there was an astonishing all-action 30 seconds or so late on in the season, at home to Pompey (when Thudd almost snapped the woodwork in two, Crouch volleyed the rebound against the very same spot, and then tried an overhead kick from the resulting corner), the most astonishing half hour of this – and quite possibly any – season, was in the second half at home to Wigan. Jermain Defoe donned his Midas suit, and Niko Kranjcar responded to our last-minute please for “One more, we only want one more”, as a little bit of history unfolded at the Lane.The Et Tu Brute? Award For Attacking Your Own Team-Mate 

The “Sod It – Who Else Wants A Go?” Award For Most Popular Position Of The Season 

The Geoff Hurst Award For Hat-Trick of the Season 

The Teddy Sheringham Award For Moving Exceptionally Slowly For A Professional Athlete 

The Klinsmann-Dive Award For Celebration Of The Season 

 

 

AANP’s first book, Spurs’ Cult Heroes, is now available in the Spurs shop, all good bookshops and online (at Tottenhamhotspur.com, as well as WHSmith, Amazon , Tesco, Waterstones and Play).  

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7 Responses

  1. JimmyG2 Says:

    I’m not sure I like being accused of being ‘rational’ . I support Spurs for a start, but thankyou for the kind words.

    I think David Bentley’s lawyers will be in touch about the slow moving award.

    We’ve got the fastest and the slowest players in the league.
    A nicely balanced team I think they call that.

  2. DaveYid Says:

    Wasn’t it Defoe who missed the penalty against Everton?

  3. Cyril Says:

    Dave — I thought that initially, but JD’s was in the away draw with Everton: just a standard Tottenham vintage 2010 missed penalty as occurred in most of our matches, nothing out of the ordinary.

    Robbie managed to have one saved by Howard in the home match, which led to several minutes of mayhem as described above, with each of Spurs’ outfield players taking a shot until Keane finally slammed it in. Hence the award.

    Excellent article by the way!

  4. AllActionNoPlot Says:

    Aye, Defoe had one saved against Everton in the League (last-minute job I think?); the Keane one was in the Carling Cup: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nO1H3_k1A2U

  5. JimmyG2 Says:

    You forgot the ‘Bungee Award’ for players who left us, some to return, and leave us again. Chimbonda and Keane in the latter category plus, Defoe Crouch and Kaboul in the first.

    We’re gonna have to tie labels on them like Paddington Bear.

    A good seasons blogging from AANP Towers.

  6. who framed ruel fox? Says:

    A feindishly good summary, AANP, as has been the case all season.

    Like Jim, I have to thank you for the kind words and wish you well for the summer.

    It’s bound to be another testing one for us humble blogsmiths.

  7. Ted Says:

    I think Corluka deserves the ‘runs like a Penguin’ award although to be fair it is a bit of a specialist category. I do like him though and the way he seems to chill those around him like he is handing out tokes on a giant spliff to his team mates.

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