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The Week’s Tottenham Transfer Murmurings

Ruud van Nistelrooy – While I’ve always been keen to hurl down some funky shapes on the boogie floors of London’s finer night-spots on a booze-fuelled Saturday night, I’ve been honest enough to admit that I’m not a natural on the dance-floor. No, really. But by golly if I were, I would have danced an impromptu jig of delight at the news that we’re sniffing at Ruud van Nistelrooy. And I would have added a most inappropriate Michael Jackson-esque whoop at the news that this thoroughbred could be acquired for the thrifty sum of £1.25 million.£1.25 milion! No footballer can be bought for that amount these days. It’s like the football equivalent of 10p. Once upon a time 10p would at least buy a packet of chewing-gum, and £1.25 million would pick up a young but decidedly average English centre-back. Now, however, both sums are worthless in isolation and Anton Ferdinand costs £8 million. We could probably fund the RvN purchase by selling Gilberto. (Although RvN’s wages would presumably be astronomical.)

After the lamentable, waking nightmares that have been the Cisse and Kenwyne Jones rumours, the van Nistelrooy whispers are sounds as sweet as a Julie London solo. It may only be a short-term solution, but that’s fine with me – long-term contracts mean precious little these days anyway, and besides, who amongst us mere mortals can predict who will still be at the Lane 12 months hence? No, short-term is fine. We certainly need a physical presence to coax the best out of Keane/Defoe, and someone who is a proven goalscorer at Premiership level is all the better. I would quite happily see RvN, Keane, Defoe and young Obika as our four of choice in attack next season.

Sulley Muntari – Inter have rejected an ‘Arry bid for him, so sayeth his agent. Should this be true, the custodians of AANP Towers would nod in approval at ‘Arry’s wise judgement, but Jermaine Jenas may well furrow his brow, while T. Huddlestone Esquire would probably choke on his burger and chips, and nuggets, and sausages and beans, and onion rings, and dessert, in disgust. ‘Arry has said he’s targeting probably three key players this summer, and if one is a central midfielder it spells curtains for the likes of JJ and the Hudd.

Incidentally, there was also an extremely enthusiastic response chez AANP to the rumours of Mikael Arteta being snooped after; but alas, this is probably my fabled naivety coming to the fore once more – for, as has been pointed out elsewhere, such a rumour is probably the work of a dastardly agent angling for his client to get a pay-rise. There’s little chance of Everton selling the blighter. Would love to see him alongside Palacios though, would be like an improved version of JJ.

Didier Zokora – The futures of Jenas and Hudd may be uncertain, but that of do-do-do Didier appears to be gaining clarity, with the phrases “Sevilla” and “£5 million” being bandied around with care-free liberality. This seems mutually beneficial. He’s done a decent job for us, but with Palacios doing the business there is little scope for Zokora at the Lane, and he’s thinking about his international career, with the World Cup less than a year away (less than a year – huzzah!). It’s a decent sum for us to pick up too. (Apologies, I ought to have sprinkled in there somewhere the phrase “loyal servant”. Most remiss of me.)

David Bentley – Elsewhere, the brain-hurting sum being used to take Little Miss Ronaldo to Madrid has livened up what has, in truth, been a rather moribund football week, and given everyone a chance to demonstrate their knowledge – or lack thereof – of European footballers, by trying to name possible Man Utd targets to replace the little princess. I won’t bother explosing my own ignorance, but it did occur to me that, had this happened last summer, one David Bentley might well have been a name on a few lips. It’s a long time in football, is a year.

10 Responses

  1. TMWNN Says:

    Yes, it certainly looks like curtains for the underachievers. Get rid of them; let them be somebody else’s enigma. 3-4 years of inconsistency mixed with down-right shiteness only leads me to believe that it’s best for all concerned. I’ve a feeling all three could be decent players on the continent, but will never cut it in the PL; either too slow (Hudd), weak (Jenas) or just plain old stupid (Zokora).

    There’s a Leone film in there somewhere.

  2. JimmyG2 Says:

    33, out for seven months with a recurring knee injury and £70thousand a week. I think not. Always look a gift horse carefully in the mouth.
    I thought the days of stop gaps,temporary fill ins was over.
    We havnt sorted out the four strikers weve got yet.

  3. Spooky Says:

    Is Andy Booth available?

  4. King Yid Says:

    Levy, Monday, Mardid.

    Leavin the Bernabau with Huntelaar, Van der Vaart and Drenthe in his sky rocket.

    Put a monkey on it

  5. King Yid Says:

    Gomes

    Bale
    King
    Woodgate
    Hutton

    Denthe
    Van der Vaart
    Modric
    Lennon

    Defoe
    Huntelaar

    Phoooooaaaaaaaaaaaw!

  6. Spurs For Life Says:

    The one name I want to be linked with spurs is OWEN, why pay for RVN when you can pick Owen up on a free, he is also proven but has been hammpered by injury like RVN but with the service he would be provided at spurs he will be the talent we all know he is. why not get them both to make up our four

  7. leonardo Says:

    I’d take rvn anyday if he could pass a medical – he is a guaranteed prolific goalscorer who offers height/aerial threat, experience, winning mentality etc etc – where else could we get someone with that ability at that price (even allowing for wages). Owen is a no contest – hasnt played a full season for years, has lost major asset (pace) and apparently lost his passion for the game. Robben and huntelaar are most welcome too! Its all a bit of a dream because all three of these are no doubt going to have plenty of interest elsewhere but you never know. At least the rumours (Barry, Muntari, etc) show that we are trying to sign decent players who can perform now, rather than potentially good young players recruited for their sell on value.

  8. phil Says:

    yes please van der vaart and huntelaar! i base most of my knowledge of players from Championship Manager 01/02.. so can i suggest mr Levy has a go for cherno samba, tonton zola moukoko and, erm… mido?

  9. conor climpson Says:

    Ruud van nistlerooy has a snubbed us because we wont pay him 80 000 per week. Levy flown to madrid to hold talks with madrid to discuss a deal with klass jan huntleaar who is younger and better than ruud. sell keane to sunderlend for 15 million use that on better players to play up front wit defoe and keep pav he wil hav a summer rest and will be better nex year

    yid army

  10. Ted Says:

    No thanks – not interested in Madrid rejects. Enough of this grand standing. Time to get chasing some real targets rather than hob nobbing with the Galacticos.

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