All Action, No Plot

Tottenham Hotspur – latest news, opinion, reports, previews, transfers, gossip, rants… from one bewildered fan
"AANP - nobody knows what it means, but it's provocative."

Dreadfully Tardy Musings on Liverpool 0-0 Spurs

It was all slightly akin to a chess game, n’est ce pas? And not one of those awesome chess games either, in which one lad loses his rag somewhat, dashes the pieces across the board and clobbers his opponent with the clock, leading to a mass brawl involving spectators and allsorts. This was one of those chess games in which white thoughtfully strokes his chin for a good seven or eight minutes, before moving his bishop a few diagonals backwards whence he came, prompting black to ponder for four minutes himself, hover his hand over his queen, retract hand, ponder some more, and then move his knight back into its starting position.

It is a tad difficult to remember the last time our lilywhite heroes set out so determinedly to defend, but as the game wore on it became increasingly evident that the principal aim was not to wow the Merseyside mob with all manner of singing and dancing entertainment, but simply to grab that point, shove a chloroformed handkerchief in its mouth, wait for it to keel over and then lock it in a cage and drag it all the way home.

Pragmatic stuff, but something of a shame, as it evinced more than just a whiff of satisfaction with a Top-Four finish, rather than a straining of every sinew for the Title.

High-Fives and Celebratory Cigar Puffs

In terms of the ancient art of point-snaffling, few snaffled with more laudable prominence than Daws and (inevitably) Scott Parker. Such has been the rise of Kaboul’s star this season that I was a mite tremulous pre kick-off on learning that Daws was to deputise – for shame, AANP, for shame. Up against the far from accommodating hirsute hulk that is Andy Carroll, Dawson gave every bead of sweat, bless him, and really ought to be allowed to frame the clean sheet and hang it from his wall.

As for Parker, by the closing stages it appeared that he had been successfully cloned and scattered across the Anfield turf. The poor blighter is presumably still glugging lucozade, scoffing energy bars and gingerly applying TCP to the scrapes across his frame, but such is the price to be paid for giving every ounce of energy for the cause.

Less Favourably…

We be lucky folk, no doubt, for being treated weekly to the multi-faceted talents of Gareth Bale. However, the denizens of AANP Towers are old-fashioned purveyors of good, honest values, and the traditional distinction between right and wrong. On which note, I would implore someone with a degree of authority to have a pretty blunt word or ten with the handsome young Welshman, and tell him in no uncertain terms to cut out the histrionics. In general he goes down far too easily, and it sullies the good name of Tottenham Hotspur. When Scott Parker collapses with a wince I hold my breath. When Bale goes down and waves his arm for assistance I roll my eyes. For sure he does receive some pretty outrageous treatment – Agger (I think?) ought to have seen red for the shin-high challenge on Monday night – but generally Bale has begun to look for free-kicks when no foul has been remotely committed, and that is cheating. Not that he had much company, up there at the apex, but even that cat seemed to have a bit more spunk about him.

Alas, the distinction between “disinterested” and “uninterested” is not one I have ever truly mastered, but Adebayor was oozing one of them from many a pore.

All things considered (and by “all things” I principally mean the absences of VDV and Lennon) a point away from home to a loosely in-form team is eminently acceptable for a team looking to consolidate a Top Four finish, but that is rather the nub of the thing – I rather wish we had set our sights a little higher. Going 4-4-2 and pushing for victory may well have seen us become a little too open at the back, but having had a dashed good fist of attacking in almost every other game so far this season, we have positioned ourselves six inches from a title challenge. Could we not keep that pretence going a few weeks longer?

77 Responses

  1. Brad Says:

    Disclaimer-I am a Liverpool supporter.

    Fantastic review tardy or not. It’s nice to come to an opposition blog and read truths. Well done. You have a great side and I too was surprised they didn’t come to win. If they had one team would have I’m sure but I’m not sure which side it would have been.
    After Harry leaves for international glory and Bale for Catalonia do you think you could come write for one of our blogs? (didn’t think so but it was worth a try)

    Good luck to the Lillywhites for the title, you know us of the proper Red persuasion are cheering you on now…

  2. Dick C Says:

    Nothing to add to your customarily reasoned & insightful piece. So let me indulge in a little pointless, nerdish, self-agrandising smart-arsery:
    ‘Uninterested’ = lacks interest, bored with, basically doesn’t give a shit one way or the other.
    ‘Disinterested’ = unbiased, neutral

    Hence Adebayor’s recent demeanour could be viewed as UNintersted, [not DISinterested].
    Equally a referee should always be DISinterested, even though he may be far from UNinterested in football generally.

    Promoting love, understanding, and the union of words with their meanings!

    A Pedant

  3. AllActionNoPlot Says:

    Pedantry always most welcome at AANP Towers Mr Dick C. (In fact there was a refreshing mini-rant in the Standard this evening, which earned a hearty nod from this commuter – bottom of the page, if it be your thing: http://tinyurl.com/873vvq2)

    Back to the game – all well and good, tip-toeing around for a point, but with Newcastle, Man Utd, l’Arse etc lumbering into view, I jolly well hope we show greater ambition in the coming weeks.

    And Mr Brad – comments much appreciated, do pop by again.

  4. David Aris-Sutton Says:

    A nice little piece, as an LFC fan I can well understand your dissatisfaction with a draw and the way the team seemed to “settle”
    I just hope they will have more fight when facing those in the way of our teams climb back into the top four.
    As for Bale, his dive was atrocious and it will be something that will linger in my memory each time I hear his name, surely he would not want this to be the reaction of the majority?
    The lad has talent, in spades, lets hope that talent is what comes to mind at the mention of his name in future years, it would be a shame if he were to become another Ronaldo.

    Now please, go out there and stuff the Arsenal for us on the 26th

    YNWA

  5. Dick C Says:

    Cheers Mr L (I assume it is you) & thanks for the link. Oddly I missed this in the Standard tonight, so thanks for bringing me up to speed.

    Would like to echo the others’ appreciation to you too Brad. While AANP may not be the most prolific yid-blog, it’s easily the best – One for the more discerning gooner-‘ater, I always like to think. Accepting that the two ‘M’ clubs are likely to snaffle places 1 and 2 this year, I’d hope you guys can overtake our two noisy neighbours & join us in next season’s CL, consigning the afore-mentioned to Thursday nights on ITV4 on boulder-strewn frozen pitches in the unpronouncible cities of post-Soviet republics we’d scarcely heard of.

    Chin Chin!

  6. Caterham7 Says:

    Quite simple the best review of the game I’ve read. After arguing feebly with the misses (a Man-Ure supporter) for a good hour that we had “parked the bus” instead of playing our game I was forced to justify the actions of Jordan/Bond with the absences of Lennon, VDV, Defoe and ‘Arry ‘imself. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth still. I wonder if we’d have forged on if the usual suspects had been at hand?

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