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Spurs 2-0 Newcastle: How Beauty Killed The Beast

Irresponsible uncle that I am I cannot quite recall how the fairytale pans out, but I presume that in the end Beauty slays the Beast, and thus it transpired yesterday, life imitating art at the Lane.My north-east spies tell me that Messrs Tiote, Barton and Smith are normally the very models of chivalry, but the other day (Saturday? Sunday? This post-Christmas period is dashed confusing) they cunningly disguised themselves as the most vulgar types of hoodlum, all aggression and faces contorted with rage, as the barcode mob sought to stop us playing. And for the best part of an hour they succeeded, turning our trademarked beautiful game into a fairly forgettable procession of long-balls, intercepted passes and tumbling bodies, albeit punctuated by Pav’s physics-defying dalliance with the woodwork.

With Newcastle seemingly content to kick people and snarl at the ref, safe in the knowledge that none of them would be sent off, the game very much needed a Tottenham goal, just to open things up and force the other lot onto the front-foot. As such I am quite sure that even our vanquished opponents were secretly pleased that we did eventually break the deadlock, for it was a triumph for football. Lovely opening goal it was too, Lennon’s impertinence in just doing the whole bally thing himself screamed “What ho! Over here! It’s me, Aaron Lennon, shaven eyebrow and all, and I’m back on form – huzzah!” while Bale’s was yet another in our ever-growing catalogue of textbook counter-attack goals executed from start to finish in the twitch of a managerial head.

It cannot be too often that the ever-wonderful Modders is cast as “Beauty”, and he would no doubt greet such news as he greets every piece of news he ever hears, good or bad – by nervously pushing his hair behind his ears. The man is a vertically-challenged genius, and he was at it again on that indefinable day earlier this week, at the hub of everything, and with the most able ally nearby in the form of a similarly-wavelengthed VDV. The Beauty-Beast analogy may be a little over-stretched but you get the gist, and yet again Modders did not really care who was snapping at his heels, he just shoulder-dipped his way past them and picked out a pass. Lovely stuff.

I Love It When A Plan Comes Together

Rather like the A-Team getting locked in a shed before bursting out in a home-made tank to round up the bad guys and save the day, our heroes have seemed determined all season to embed themselves knee-deep in adversity before shimmying away with victory. Ten men is evidently the new two-goal deficit, but I suppose it matters not, as the current Tottenham vintage seem quite capable of passing their way out of any given situation. This latest, surprisingly serene ten-man victory can be added to that at Villa Park a couple of days earlier, and indeed to against Twente several months back, after VDV’s sending off. Evidently then, red cards do little to impede us in the course of a match, but Monsieur Kaboul deserves nevertheless to be labelled “Buffoon” and pelted with rotten fruit, for his three-game suspension drags us ever closer to the ghastly doomsday scenario that is Vedran Corluka at centre-back.

Still, this remains wonderful fun. Successive Christmas wins, some unfamiliar specimen known as “a clean sheet”, an unbeaten run as long as a Peter Crouch limb and the added bonus of staying up all night to see the Ashes retained have made the return to office-work eminently bearable. Sooner or later the bubble will burst I suppose, but as we shimmy off into 2011 the Spurs just keep marching on. Happy new year one and all.

17 Responses

  1. Lilywhitemike Says:

    The beauty actually falls in love with the beast lol

  2. JohnW Says:

    Well i must say, Spurs were no beauties in the first half OR the start of the second. I think NUFC were in with a shout for a long time but the class of Bale and Lennon were the difference. We do not have a Bale or a Lennon or Modric we have Routledge and Jonas two average players at best so really i am happy with 2-0 because really with the amount of money spent and the so called talent you lot had on the pitch it should have been quite a few more then 2. Anyway, good luck to Spurs and i really do hope you lot win the title as i am sick of seeing the usual clubs win it. Best of luck and may your winning streak continue!!!!

  3. j Says:

    Highlight of the match for me was Modric’s incredible pass to Bale.

    Heading towards the edge of his own box, and being hounded by Newcastle’s finest thugs, our little magician managed to ping the ball(left-footed!)at a seemingly physiologically impossible angle, tri-secting several of the opposition and thereby taking half their them out of the equation.
    The pass was perfectly weighted, and Bale had nothing left to do (no control or first touch being necessary) but ‘get on his bike’ and surge towards the final third.
    Marvellous stuff. It was a moment that was every bit as good as his diagonal pass to Hutton against Villa.

    Wonderfully written blog as always. COYS.

  4. Mike Ashley Says:

    What a load of unfunny, self-indulgent waffling bullshit.

  5. Anonymous Says:

    what a load of fcuking shiite…THS is shiite

  6. Fairscup69 Says:

    Pardon me, who got sent off for an act of thuggery?

    We got beat by the better side on the day but don’t get all high and mighty.

  7. Catcher Says:

    Bale cost £5 Mil, L

  8. Catcher Says:

    Bale cost £5 mil, Lennon £1 mil and Modric £16 mil, thats the best bit of business this century.

  9. James Says:

    I was at the game, about 10 metres away from Kaboul’s headbutt, and yes, he deserved to go. But Tiote should have walked long before the: ironically, that tackle that Kaboul reacted to was the first fair one Tiote had done since being booked!

    Barton was a disgrace all afternoon and Carroll and Smith just spent the whole game shouting at the ref. In fact, the only time the Newcastle players stopped shouting at the ref was when they were shouting at each other. There’s some serious disharmony in that team, and I don’t think Pardew will be the guy to fix it… so it should be an explosive few months to come for Newcastle.

    Back to the game, the first half was dire – only one decent chance for Spurs in injury time (Pav’s header) and Newcastle offered nothing. In the second half there were far more chances for Spurs, but none at all for Newcastle until injury time, by which time Spurs were coasting. The fact that Newcastle were taking an age to take a corner in injury time tells you how likely they thought a comeback was – they seemed more concerned about avoiding conceding again more than scoring.

    I hope Newcastle get their act together sooner rather than later: but its clear that when missing Nolan, your midfield just becomes a bunch of thugs. And when Plan A – slinging it up to Carroll – doesn’t work, there is no Plan B.

  10. anon Says:

    You spurs fans should watch the amount of times your players went to ground without contact – VDV early on, both centre halves every time Carroll went near them, even Palacios – you have the making of a good side, if not a great one but I hate the way football is going where minimal/no contact is given as a foul.

  11. George Says:

    Much like the minimal contact on Carroll, where he went down just outside the box to earn you a free kick.

  12. treehorn Says:

    Judging by some of the comments on here, it appears that the Geordie retard who was featured in that video with his cobblers hanging out of his pants must have been given a laptop for Xmas.

  13. Sean Says:

    7-1, now THAT was beauty.

  14. Phil K Says:

    Snipers all over the Spuds ground, according to the extravagant effeminate collapsing and apealling to the ref. Poor acting of course.
    Obvious to anyone not a peabrained cockney.
    Oh. Right….
    Can I just remind the aforementioned P.B.C’s
    “The beast” approach is normally the thug who headbutts an opposition player ?
    And he was ?
    A SPUD.
    Sean mate – There was a 6-1 and a 7-2 wasn’t there ? Couple of 4-0’s, and a nice 4-1 at the Whiffy Fart Lane a couple of years back too.
    Oh, we’ll have them whingeing in a different manner in time.
    Have fun, PBC – it won’t last. Redknapp’s going to do what happened at Newcastle – overspend, and certain players misbehaving and the glue coming away, and he wants to leave because he thinks he’s too big, thyen him then him
    It’ll happen. Have fun for now.
    You don’t have our evil luck, or a Tottenham supporting w*nker as chairman either.

  15. George Says:

    You can kid yourself all you like Phil K, but the ref was incredibly lenient with your players, it would take a saint not to react to those challenges. Secondly Redknapp would never be able to bankrupt the club due to us having a decent Chairman (sorry) who would never allow it. Pardew decided the only way to stop us playing was to kick us, he has form on this.

  16. George Says:

    Oh and call that a headbutt.

  17. Sean Says:

    How many would drag themselves to WHL if they hadnt won a thing since 1969, not many I think. Certainly not 50,000. Like I said, 7-1, thats how top title contenders do it.

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