Spurs transfers

Spurs to sign Stewart Downing? Oh hell…

Oh hell. Stewart “One-Trick” Downing has dipped his right shoulder, galloped off to the left and handed in a transfer request at ‘Boro. For some reason three successive Spurs managers have pursued him, and the wires suggest that he’ll soon be ours, for around £11 mil.
The faithful down the Lane are a good vocal bunch – The Sunday Times, no less, had us down as the second-noisiest Premiership crowd in the land, by decibel, earlier this season (behind Stoke, or Sunderland or someone) – but we’re not slow to criticise our own either. As such, I can’t help thinking that as soon as One-Trick dips his right shoulder, gallops off to the left and starts whipping crosses into orbit he’ll get all sorts of stick from the Park Lane.

Make no mistake, I really hope we get behind the guy if/when he arrives, in the same way that I hope he delivers the goods for us. I just fear the worst. This is a barrage of abuse waiting to happen. It’s not big or clever, we ought not to do it, but there’s a simple way of negating all this – don’t buy him, ‘Arry!!! Stick Bale, or Jamie “Three-Touch” O’Hara out left instead. Or Adel Taraabt. Or have a go out wide yourself, ‘Arry. Or, if you must, continue with Bentley.

I find it a little bewildering to be formulating plans aimed at correcting something which hasn’t yet happened. It’s a bit like being the chap in Terminator trying to save John Connor before he was born. Ah well, such is life in the all-action-no-plot universe. I’m just a time-travelling freedom fighter trying to save humanity, and with a dip of the right shoulder and gallop out to the left, One-Trick Downing is an almost-indestructible Terminator, looking to screw everything up. Maybe the solution is to throw ‘Arry into a vat of burning liquid metal. (I think it’s time for me to have a lie-down.)



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