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Spurs news, rants

The Curious Incident of Juande Ramos…

This Juande Ramos affair just becomes increasingly surreal. There always was an air of mystery about him and his band of merry man – primarily because they all seemed to be mute – but this was compounded by the arrival of new faces and ever-changing tactics; followed by his reappearance at Real Madrid of all places; and now the press reports that he’s eyeing up Dider Zokora of all people! What the hell is going on? With the increasing number of loose ends, bizarre sub-plots and unanswered questions this is beginning to resemble one of those ultra-complicated episodes of The X-Files, which finishes without resolving anything, leaving you mildly irritated and wanting to kick the television (or in this case Damien Comoli).

 

I don’t particularly want to re-open the debate of whether or not he should have been sacked etc. There are strong cases to be made for both sides of the argument. On one hand he steered us out of relegation trouble last year, demolished l’arse and then won the Carling Cup, with some shrewd tactical moves during the final vs Chelski, whilst generally maintaining an attractive style. Given time he would probably (maybe) have settled down, created a team he liked and made us Uefa cup regulars. On the other hand, he let the players give up the season after the Carling Cup final, was to some extent responsible for a dubious summer transfer strategy, was unable to settle upon formation or personnel after the best part of a year in charge and oversaw our worst start to a league campaign since woolly mammoths roamed the earth. Nor could he be bothered to learn the language after a year, not even to the comical-but-endearing extent of Claudio Ranieri/Phil Scolari. I’ve even heard it suggested that his success in Spain was due more to the Director of Football he had in place at Sevilla. Who knows?

 

Instead, I watch his career from a distance, with respect and a certain degree of bewilderment. Did he really think that Modric, a man who weighs less than his own shadow, was right for the midfield holding role? Does he really rate Zokora as the best player at the Lane? Has he really ended up at the biggest club in the world?

 

I suspect that even the most restrained Spurs fans, and indeed English football fans, would have raised an eyebrow at that, but if you tilt your head to one side and squint a bit, it does make some sense. It’s mutually beneficial – once Real decided to sack Schuster they needed a fairly safe pair of hands just to see them through to the end of the season, while for Ramos himself it’s a pay-day a useful CV point after the Spurs debacle, with not much to lose and something to gain. If it works the contract could be extended, if not there’s no commitment beyond the end of the season. Think Joe Kinnear with paella.

 

In a parallel universe maybe it all made perfect sense, and the Carling Cup win simply catalysed bigger and better things for the club with Juande in charge. Here and now however, I feel drunk just thinking about it. Good luck to the man, but roll on Man Utd under ‘Arry.

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Spurs news, rants

King reigns, Modric arrives: West Ham 0-2 Spurs

A bunch of positives from last night – a clean-sheet; cracking double-save from the much-maligned Gomes at 1-0, that was worth a goal (although a draw would have been harsh on us); little Lennon’s final ball matching the quality of his initial scampering; and the sight of the team generally bossing the game for much of the second-half. Personally though I was most chuffed with our little midfield fairy Lucy Modric.

 

Some context first – he was hardly Pele out there last night. In the first half in particular his tendency to drift wide and stay there left poor old Pavluychenko trudging around the penalty area with no white-shirts anywhere near him and only that nasty Lucas Neill for company. However, even in the first 45 Modric started to look like the flashy Hollywood midfielder we’d all heard about over the summer. A couple of neat step-overs, some twinkle-toed dribbles and the odd cheeky nutmeg – he suddenly appeared to fancy English football, and to believe that he really was a better player than Parker, Behrani et al. Then, for 20 or 30 mins in the second half, we began to dominate the game and Modric seemed to be at the hub of most things good. While maintaining a fairly central position he made himself available for a pass, and regularly took the opportunity to swagger towards goal and pull a few strings. It would be stretching it to say he bossed the game, but for the first time since arriving he seemed to enjoy conducting things, and occasionally he delivered the end product of a pleasingly incisive through-ball (we Lane regulars like that sort of thing). Finally it seems, Modric could be finding his feet in this Tottenham team.

 

Bless him, he still seems to be made of talcum powder and string. A gentle nudge doesn’t just knock him off balance, it sends him hurtling about ten feet across the pitch. At times it seemed he was sent tumbling by a gentle breeze in the East End night, or the blast of air carrying from the ref’s whistle. More cunning teams will work out not to give him too much time on the ball, and instead just kick, as he’s liable to snap, but cunning didn’t appear to be the West Ham way last night. Admittedly there was not much to which it can be compared, but I’d say Modric’s performance last night was possibly his best in a Tottenham shirt, which bodes rather well – I particularly look forward to seeing him dominate some Uefa cup games, where he has more time on the ball

 

Elsewhere on the Pitch…

 

Modric looked the sort of player that Bentley would love to become – ie a class above and he knows it. Bentley still doesn’t look entirely comfortable. It’s as if the whole business of getting stuck in on the pitch is a rather irritating distraction from living out his dream of living the celeb lifestyle in London.

 

Elsewhere, Assou-Ekotto continued to amble around in auto-pilot with that curious, expressionless stare of the undead, before doing his best to concede a penalty (relax Hammers fans – yes it was a pen, but we should have had a blatant one at the other end).

 

Corluka looked like a big lumbering bear, with little pace, and generally preferring to exercise pragmatism over guile whenever in possession.

 

Zokora did a decent job defensively, but conceded possession too often in the first half when going forward. Almost got his goal in the second half, mind.

 

And good old Ledley capped a solid display with a goal he can now drink to, stumble to and get in a fight at Faces to. His goal celebrations looked surprisingly sedate for a man whose celebrations were so heart-warmingly captured by the tabloids earlier this year.

 

First half we were as sloppy as I’d expected we’d be, second half we were much improved, a really impressive, controlled and inventive performance. Also nice to see us (generally) sensibly play the game out in the last few mins, just keeping possession, aside from the needless concession of a couple of free-kicks. But even those had a silver lining, as Gomes was able to enjoy his moment in the sun. Take a bow lads.

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Spurs news, rants

Cliches and Aaron Lennon’s leggings – West Ham-Spurs preview

I’m not a fan of footballing clichés – my dislike of them was suitably exacerbated when l’arse went and signed one (with a girl’s name) – so if you’re similarly riled by them perhaps briefly avert your eyes at this juncture: I’d rather have points in the bag than a game in hand.  However, the fixture-gods (ie the tv money-men) have decreed in their wisdom that this weekend we sat at home and twiddled our thumbs, waiting until Monday night while everyone else notched up another point or three on the Saturday and Sunday. Thus we go into tonight’s game at West Ham just one point above the drop zone. While it would be a bit dramatic to say that there is daylight between the mid-table gang and our humble selves, the three-point gap (from us in 17th to West Ham and Man City in 15th and 14th) could start to stretch if we get nothing from our game in hand tonight, especially as we’ve got Man Utd next up…

The possible return to fitness of the waif-like Modric could prove timely, as he would allow us to revert to a five-man midfield, whilst also providing a bit of craft and guile in the final third. Even if Modric isn’t fit, the return to the team of Jenas will add some energy to the midfield – and will also handily give the travelling Spurs support someone at whom to vent their spleen if things aren’t going well (http://www.allactionnoplot.com/?p=71). West Ham’s recent win at Sunderland was their first Premiership victory in ages, and while the draw at Anfield last week was also an impressive result, they’re hardly in red-hot form. They certainly look beatable – but then I think that of most teams we face… We for our part have looked sloppy recently, but I’d hope that the derby atmosphere and evening kick-off will be sufficient to impress upon the players the need for some urgency. Won’t make a prediction – the Premiership is far too tight and inconsistent this season to be laying money down – other than that Aaron Lennon will wear gloves and possibly even those dubious legging things, the big girl’s blouse…

 

 

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Randomonium

New kit unveiled for All Action No Plot

The more eagle-eyed of you may have noticed that All-Action-No-Plot looks a tad different. Unfortunately the early indications are that as new kits go this isn’t really in the league of that cracking ’91 Cup Final Umbro effort. In a desperate attempt to justify it I’ll claim that this shiny-new-yet-bland page now resembles our 125th anniversary home kit from last season – plain white, traditional and by no means a cynical money-making ploy, honest. Plus, that kit eventually won a trophy, so who knows where this site might one day go…? Fear ye not though, these lilywhite pages will continue to burst at the seams with copious amounts of action, whilst containing not even the merest traces of plot…

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Spurs news, rants

I jest ye not – Jenas made the difference: Watford 1-2 Spurs

Hmm – I honestly think that we owed our win last night in large part to the presence of Jermaine Jenas.

Alright, alright – I’ve clearly gone mad. Too many booze-fuelled late nights, not enough sleep, not enough oxygen to the brain – these have all contributed to some severe form of dementia. I’m obviously crazy. I’m obviously talking the gibberish of a lunatic. No team on the planet can benefit from the presence in its ranks of Jermaine Jenas.

However, continuing the crazy-talk theme – I began to appreciate him once he was absent, injured. As mentioned previously on these pages, in his absence our central midfield comprised two deep-lying types, in Thudd and Zokora. Last night, Jenas was back and the midfield seemed to have a better balance. Unlike Thudd and Zokora, Jenas is happy to assume a position some 10-20 yards in advance of the halfway line, with his midfield partner sitting deeper. As such, whenever we won position we tended to have an attacking option in addition to the strikers, and this helped to drag the oppo around a bit.

Returning to sanity, Jenas’ return to the team did also remind us all of why he is so reviled by his own. Bless him, he works his socks off, makes lung-bursting runs, occasionally dribbles past midfielders, generally does the difficult part – and then always, always messes up the finish. This would also be why he doesn’t have his own song (http://www.allactionnoplot.com/?p=65). There was one notable jinking run in the first half yesterday which ended in a shot so tame you wanted to feed it berries from your hand. Then in the second half he caused panic in the oppo ranks by picking up the ball from 20 yards and determinedly burrowing towards goal – only to scuff his effort into a pathetic dribble that barely had sufficient momentum to make it into the arms of the goalkeeper. Honestly, to paraphrase from Bruce Willis’ wife in the first (and best) Die Hard, only Jermaine Jenas can make you that angry. Bizarrely, the only time he’s complemented the effort and determination of the build-up with a suitably successful end-product was away to l’arse earlier this season, when he scored an absolute peach. Any other time, that shot would have been so mis-hit and weak it would have stopped rolling out of embarrassment.

However, his presence and positioning improved the shape of the team. I assume that ‘Arry hastily read my last blog posting just prior to kick-off, because as well as addressing my concerns about the midfield balance he also addressed my point about resting key personnel, by picking a pretty darned strong starting XI.

They began with all the energy and verve of a moribund sloth, and the nightmare scenario of conceding early and away from home to a lower league team duly materialised. (The goal encapsulated our early sluggishness in a microcosm – Lennon beaten to the ball by a far hungrier opponent, Jenas and Woody wrong-footed and lumbering with the turning speed of a pleasure cruiser while the oppo striker swivelled and buried it). However, this had the pleasing side-effect of sparking us into life, and also prompted Watford to give us possession on halfway and sit back in their own half. We duly attacked, Lennon in particular looking good, O’ Hara not so, and the goals duly came. Pav, Bent, yadiyadayada, job done.

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Spurs preview

Please don’t blow this opportunity… Watford – Spurs Carling Cup preview

I’ve got a bad feeling about tonight’s game away to Watford. At stake is a place in the semi-finals, alongside such luminaries as Derby and Burnley, and in our way today stand a team near the bottom of the Championship, who have just sacked their manager. It’s a cracking opportunity to progress, and the route to winning some silverware and securing European qualification is as well-lit and sign-posted as any competition will ever be, with the likes of Chelsea, Liverpool, l’arse and even Villa, Man City and Everton all having fallen by the wayside. There’s no doubt we’re good enough in theory to beat Watford away, and either of Derby or Burnley should we draw them in the semi. (The other quarter-final, tonight features Blackburn and the under-strength Man Utd). However, I’m already resigned to the fact that Watford will raise their game, while we’ll trot out one of those perfunctory, sloppy, mind-elsewhere performances. That would be one hell of an opportunity blown, especially having done the hard work of beating a couple of Premiership teams to get this far. With the chances of European qualification via the league table still looking a long shot, I’m already seething at the thought that we’re going to blow it tonight.

In particular the lack of energy from our central midfield is a cause for concern. Who’d have thunk it, but I actually lament the absence of Jenas at the moment. Zokora and Huddlestone simply aren’t good enough to boss a game as a central midfield pairing, certainly at Premiership level. As a pair they seem to possess neither action nor plot – both sit deep, neither supplementing attack and neither forming a particularly strong shield for the defence. They seem to need the presence of a third body alongside them in central midfield, and with Modric and Jenas likely to be out injured this looks like a luxury we won’t be able to afford. (nb, while he’s got the right attitude I broadly stick O’ Hara in the same “needs-two-people-alongside-him” category). Thudd in particular seems to need a couple of minders – or a two-goal lead – in order to be at his best, and while his passing, long and short, can be superb when he’s on song and the team is on top, too often he’s a slightly lumbering passenger when the chips are down. In a cup-tie away to a lower-league team I fear we won’t show stomach for the fight, but instead be out-muscled and out-bustled.

The other worry tonight is ‘Arry’s attitude towards any game that isn’t in the Premiership. He keeps banging on about how we’re in a relegation fight, and last week suggested that he rued our progress in the Uefa as it meant more games. I hope beyond hope that this is just the line he’s feeding the media, and that in the privacy of his own twitchy head he appreciates quite what a good chance this is for silverware. I appreciate that avoiding relegation is our priority, but I really don’t see that as a reason to surrender our places in the Uefa and Carling cups – especially with the draw for the latter looking so inviting. Besides, there are mantras such as “Winning breeds confidence” to be trotted out at moments like this.

Redknapp’s team selection tonight will speak volumes. As mentioned, without Jenas and Modric the midfield already has a dubious look to it. At the back Ledley is likely to be rested, understandably enough. Beyond that I hope to see Woodgate, Corluka, Bale (despite his current poor form) and Lennon involved from the start. What I’d be rather wary of is half a dozen or more changes, with the likes of O’ Hara, Gilberto, Taraabt, Rocha and Bostock all flung together. Even if the players brought in are of a half-decent standard, changing more than half the personnel is inevitably going to result in an unsettled and unsure starting line-up. Presumably the reality will be somewhere in between – ie maybe four or five changes, with the core of players all members of our Premiership squad, and a couple of kids on the bench. It still fills me with pessimism. The Carling Cup might be the smallest of the trophies, but a lot of teams (not least l’arse) would trip over themselves to win two trophies in two years. It’s a cracking opportunity – Arry, please don’t blow it through your team selection.

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Spurs news

Silencing the sycophants? Burnley 2-0 Arsenal

Schadenfreude is a terrible thing, but I’ve never been one to pass on an opportunity to snigger at l’arse. The fact that they lost last night is no disgrace per se; but pride precedes a fall, and after all the increasingly excited bleating the rest of the world has had to put up with after each display of Wenger’s kids, I hope that last night’s defeat will bring them back down to earth and tie a nice tight gag around the mouths of those sycophants – partisan and neutral alike – who’ve got rather carried away. A talented group of youngsters no doubt, but the hyperbole was reaching ridiculous proportions after the defeats of Wigan and Sheff Utd in previous rounds of the Carling Cup. Away from home, and even though supplemented by a couple of older heads (although by all accounts Bendtner was a hindrance rather than a help – pink boots strike me as a bad idea if you can’t walk the walk) they went down 2-0 to a lower league team, and the “Young Gunners” drum can now hopefully be silenced. Until next season…

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Spurs news, rants

Is this really a "revival"? Spurs 0-1 Everton

Curses. Two steps forward and one step back is a painfully slow way of progressing, but it appears to be the route of choice for Harry’s Hotspurs. (Incidentally, the name “Tottenham Hotspur” was, partially, derived from the character “Harry Hotspur” in Henry V.)

With the Premiership table so tightly packed, a string of wins would have had us perched on the the ledge of the European places. Instead, two defeats in three leave us level on points with the relegation zone wretches. The game was not televised, but the frustratingly amateurish BBC London radio commentators generally gave the impression that, aside from our desperate final 15 minute barrage, we were pretty insipid. This bothers me somewhat.

Even allowing for a wide margin of error, given that I’ve only seen one of ‘Arry’s games at the stadium, and most of the rest only on TV, it seems to me that we’ve rarely played particularly well or looked particularly comfortable during our revival. Draw vs l’arse – dead lucky. Win vs Liverpool (league) – dead lucky. Win vs Man City – generous amount of luck. Win vs Blackburn – uninspiring . Add to those the insipid defeats vs Fulham and Everton, and the so-called “revival” begins to look a tad misleading. Now the media in particular seem happy to indulge in a Harry Redknapp love-in, and we’ve definitely improved since the Ramos era. However – whisper it – I’m not convinced that we’ve been playing particularly well, despite some good results. The only impressive performances were 4-0 vs a poor Dinamo Kiev and the Carling Cup win vs Liverpool’s reserves.

Losing while having played well is undoubtedly galling, but it at least gives hope of better things to come. We, by contrast, seem to have been picking up wins without playing particularly well, and therefore perhaps papering over cracks. Results have been good under the new boss, but performances have only sporadically sparkled. I still don’t doubt we’ll avoid relegation with ease, but with the tightness of the league table allowing us to force our way back into European reckoning on the back of a few consecutive wins, we ought to be aiming higher. If Harry really is the right man for us he’ll have us playing an attractive, effective brand of football fairly sharpish – if he does this results will take care of themselves. As yet there has been the odd sign of this, but we’ve more often been sloppy. Performances need to improve in order to push up the table, as we won’t win luckily every week.

The absences of Jenas and Modric, our supposed creative sparks in central midfield, haven’t really helped the cause, but there remain enough flair players in the squad for us to cope with this. In the first half hour vs Blackburn our attacking quartet of Lennon, Bentley, Pav and Bent looked particularly impressive – but 30 slick minutes in three games isn’t good enough. With West Ham away and Man Utd at home next in the league, it’s time for Harry to prove his worth as manager and turn up the performances a couple of notches.

An abridged version of this badboy can also be found on the letters page of football365.com:
http://www.football365.com/mailbox/story/0,17033,8744_4579281,00.html

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Spurs news, rants

‘Arry ‘Ates The Uefa Cup? NEC 0-1 Spurs

Woooooooooooaaaaaaaaaah there ‘Arry, what’s all this about? The most striking thing about Old Twitchy’s post-match comments yesterday was his seeming assertion that he rather wished we weren’t involved in the Uefa Cup! It involves too many games, apparently! To quote some of my punctuation-and-text-obsessed lady-friends: “OMG!!!???!?!?!?!?”

Now the guy has made a massive, positive impact upon the club, there can be no doubt – but that is not what I as a fan want to hear. We want to win this cup. We want to win every competition in which we’re entered. We have a fine tradition in Europe. Well, that probably needs some qualification – our European history isn’t exactly trophy-laden, but still, we do have some history: first British team to win a European trophy, back in the ’60s. We’ve twice won the Uefa Cup, particularly memorably so in ’84, and we’ve only lost twice at home in the competition.

Plus, a trophy is a trophy – winning one is important and fantastic. Just ask l’arse, who’s barren run is partly to blame for the current rumblings of discontent. Winning the Carling Cup back in March was one of the greatest footballing days (and nights) of my life.

And playing every season in Europe is important – it’s what we strive for for nine months! Would ‘Arry really prefer us not to qualify next season, just so that the fixture list is less congested? European football helps attract big players, excites the fans, improves the team, brings an added avenue for silverware and presumably swells the coffers.

However, there is a basis to ‘Arry’s argument, and it’s only fair to consider it. From his point of view, the priority is to avoid relegation. Personally I think that’s nailed on, and with such a congested table we’re practically pushing for European qualification (much to ‘Arry’s chagrin, presumably). Nevertheless, it’s an understandable attitude from the boss.

He also presumably wants to avoid injuries in such games, as the squad has already taken a few hits (Hutton’s broken foot, Ledly’s balsa-wood physique, Modric’s tissue-paper frame), and two games a week will only exacerbate niggles, especially on dodgy pitches like that of last night.

Maybe he was quibbling about the slightly drawn-out league format, in which three of five teams progress anyway, and which therefore barely even succeeds in separating wheat from chaff.

However, whatever his reasoning, I as a fan heard him say words to the effect that he doesn’t like playing in the Uefa Cup because it involves too many games. I firmly disagree, and I strongly hope that come next May Ledley lifts that funky mis-shaped silver badboy.

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Spurs news, rants

Spurs Uefa cup preview – a crazy foreign manager rants

Well this should be entertaining. Tonight we play Randomdutchguysh FC, or someone, and their unknown manager has taken advantage of the 15 mins of fame this affords him to denounce us as “predictable”, “long-ball” team. I love it when random foreign lads get a bite at a (relatively) big-name English team, and take the oportunity to go off on one like a madman, offering wildly deluded tactial insights with the most delightful, straight-faced insistence. It’s like when one of the Absurdistan teams is about to play England, and their boss insists for half an hour in a press conference that Rooney wouldn’t make the Kazakh under-17s women’s XI. Because he’s not aggressive enough. Think Comical Ali, but in football terms, and you get the idea.

So Mario Been, coach of NEC Nijmegen, has been fighting his corner, insisting:

“Tottenham is Tottenham. They play a type of football that is predictable. They play the long ball, then the game will start. We know that because we see English football every week. We are prepared for that.”

Erm, thanks for that Mario. Now admittedly I’m playing a dangerous game here, because if anyone can complicate the uncomplicated it’s Spurs. I should really know better than to patronise the charming little Dutch outfit, and ought to avoid complacency like the plague, given some of the results we’ve had this season. But irrespective of how the game pans out, that sort of chat is hilarious because it bears so little resemblance to reality. We certainly do have enough weaknesses in our team, but a penchant for long-ball tactics? Sounds like one Dutchman’s been spending too much time in the coffee shops. Been’s patter is vastly more intimidating when he offers an opinion that loosely corresponds to life on earth, such as the rather dangerous observation about our goalkeeper Gomes:

“Maybe he doesn’t have confidence in this moment.”

Dammit, Been’s done his homework. However, he rather spoiled the intimidatory effect, by then adding:

“It’s maybe a different way of playing for him – always the long ball.”

Schtop, schtop – Mario, we don’t play long-ball! We don’t play anything resembling the long-ball game. We may be allergic to tackling, and pass as sloppily as mushy peas, and treat the ball like a hot potato in defence, and spurn chance after chance, and have a goalkeeper who can’t catch and have in our ranks Jamie “Three-touch” O’Hara – but we definitely do not play long ball.

With such a tactical mastermind at the helm, I suspect we’ll be ok tonight. Maybe I will have to eat humble pie – after all, we’re without the ineligible Pavluychenko and Corluka, while Modric, Giovanni and Hutton are all injured and Ledley is being rested again. However, the stats suggest that we’ll cope – this lot stumbled to a 3-2 defeat against Dinamo, a week before we stuffed the same Dinamo 4-0 in the most one-sided game I’ve ever been to. Should we prevail, I’ll be intrigued to hear what Mario makes of it in the post-match interviews.

“They didn’t deserve it. They had no skill. They just kept hitting long balls at us…”