All Action, No Plot

The real world has rather inconveniently got in the way of things at AANP Towers in the last week or so, but it’s proved fairly exquisite timing, as precious little has happened beyond some rather dubious rumour-mongering. Just to keep things ticking over here are a couple more lists, the last vestiges of 2008-09, beginning with Spurs’ 10 Worst Mistakes of 2008-09.

10. Gilberto Clanger vs Spartak - Having dribbled into trouble just outside the area on his Spurs debut the previous season, Gilberto’s apparent unfamiliarity with the tactical basics were evident again this cold and crisp December evening, as he politely unfolded a napkin, blew off the steam and spoon-fed a goal to our Russian visitors. A second-half comeback rescued the tie, but only after the Brazilian had been withdrawn and effectively placed on the transfer list.

9. Fraizer Campbell As Our Third Striker Mildly controversial, as he was a willing worker, and chipped in with the odd goal, but after the sales of Keane and Berba we suddenly found ourselves with one of the worst polyglot attacking forces in the division. Pav, Bent and Fraizer Campbell was not a striking triumverate to strike fear into the hearts of opposition defenders, and left us ill-equipped for a campaign on four fronts. Worse, Campbell was being blooded by us for someone else’s benefit. Epitomised the lop-sided nature of our pre-Arry squad.

8. Ledley’s Post-Match Pint Lane legend, role-model and all-round good egg, Ledley suddenly became a tabloid headline and the lightweight-mate-who-ruins-everyone’s-night. Tales of him nearly beating to death the doorman in question seemed a little exaggerated, but nevertheless this was not his finest moment.

7. The Signing of David Bentley Just didn’t work, from start to finish. This would have been galling enough, but the £15 mil or so price-tag just adds salt to the wound. He’ll pop up again at a different club, and prove himself, of that I’m quite sure. However, failure to win the right-wing spot from Aaron Lennon, coupled with the unnecessary urge to make his every touch memorable, has resulted in a right old annus horribilis.

6. Gomes v Udinese The last game of the Wendy Ramos era saw Gomes try a particularly ill-advised dribble, which inevitably ended in tears. One rugby tackle later, Udinese had a penalty, defeat followed, and Ramos was kicked out of the Lane. And then picked up by Real Madrid. Que? (Worryingly, Gomes does not appear to have eradicated entirely such moments from his game.)

5. Luka Modric Miss vs L’Arse Bet you never thought this lad would feature on this list? One of the less likely awards for Modders, but the Croatian genius gave us one of the few indications that he really is human, by missing a gilt-edged last-minute chance to bury l’Arse of all teams, back in February. I instinctively wanted to blame Jenas, but it really was Modric, and the game finished 0-0.

4. Darren Bent’s Miss One of Bentley’s finer moments was the peach of a cross he swung in from the left at home to Pompey, right onto the head of Darren Bent. Just a few yards out, and with David James already turning to pick the ball out of the net, Bent casually nodded it into the arms of a punter at the front of the Paxton Road Stand, and the North London air briefly turned purple as 36,000 people simultaneously swore at the poor blighter. While Shearer trademarked the one-hand-in-the-air routine, and Klinsmann the dive, our top-scorer is becoming most readily associated with the hands-half-raised-to-head-in-disbelief look.

3. Gomes vs Fulham Not so much a goalkeeping howler as a sudden but complete moment of mental and physical retardation. It may have been the least-threatening cross of the 21^st century, but Gomes treated it like a flaming nuclear missile loaded with anthrax, and flapped accordingly. The ball practically apologised as it settled in the net.

2. Juande Ramos’ Ever-Changing Formation This particularly irked me. Having had an entire pre-season to decide upon a strategy and get used to it, the formation seemed to change each week – often mid-game – once the campaign started. One in attack? Two in attack? Five in midfield? Four in midfield? None of the players seemed to have a clue what the team was supposed to be doing, or what their individual roles were, and as a result everyone would go scuttling off in different directions and doing their own thing. No wonder the blighter got sacked.

1. Bentley’s Carling Cup Final Penalty Miss A moment the memory of which still produces a shudder. Poor old Bentley just could not do anything right last season – that one moment aside – and this appalling penalty epitomised it. For a guy whose right-foot dead-ball skills are supposedly fabled, this was horrific.

Tags: Bent, Bentley, David James, Fraizer Campbell, gilberto, Gomes, Juande Ramos, Ledley, Modric, One Aaron Lennon, Pavluychenko, Spurs rants

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 7th, 2009 at 9:20 pm and is filed under Spurs rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.